Trouble in the Terraces of my mind

hey...me writing here is a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Moment of clarity, breaking down, or just a good day? I have no damn clue!!!

I’m just writing something quick that happened to me today and tonight. It may not sound odd, but I don’t care. First at work I had to set up a conference room with catering for 25 people. About 2 hours later, it still wasn’t touched and no one was in the room. This usually means the meeting was cancelled but not the order. So I start cleaning it up and putting the food and drinks into one of the pantries where the people on the floor can take the food if they want. Eventually a bunch of people from the floor come into the room (not for the original meeting, but people who knew I was cleaning it up), and took what they want. In the end I ended up with almost nothing to clean up. This usually doesn’t happen, but I’ll take it!!! Along with this I am moving what was ordered for the pantries into the pantries. I must have focused a lot on it, since when I was done, almost half the day was done!!! SO the rest of the day was me walking around and to make sure things are well stocked, but it seemed no one wanted to drink and coffee or teas since I didn’t have to touch anything after 3PM. Less work for me, more time to listen to XM, I am not crying!!!

I came home from work early today, and I did my usual change and eat dinner. I then go out for a drive (I was going to Bayside’s Barnes and Nobles looking for a book I have been wanting to read). I go to the store, but I don’t’ fine what I want, so after looking around for a bit at the magazines, I leave. As I am driving home, I don’t’ know what happened but I felt “different”. I felt no real worries or any stress about anything, and that everything was fine. I was also noticing how my car was just running right (after an oil change, my car always feels sweet), but I was driving just feeling at peace with things. This is something that’s not normal for me. I am usually feeling worried or stressed out about something in my life. Tonight though, with my car feeling good, the weather feeling ok, and just driving, every negative thing seemed to not be there, and I was just “there”. This I think is a good thing, but since I really haven’t felt this. I just let the feeling continue and my drive home felt peaceful and just cool.

I get home and I go into the basement to finish a project I started this week (taking my R/C truck and converting it to the newer version with the new parts for it). I found myself more focused to do this, and I almost got it completed, beyond some minor things to finish up. I had to stop only because my basement has no ventilation and I was sweating really bad. I look at the clock and two hours passed and it felt like 30 mins. After that I come up and start watching TV. IFC shows one of my favorite movies, “Pulp Fiction.” After a great movie I go to my room, turn on the AC, and start talking to someone on IM. The conversation was different compared to the ones we usually do, this one was sorta short and was about subjects we never really talked about, but was a good talk nonetheless. So now I am writing this, and I am ready to hit the sack.

This has been an unusual day, but in a good way. This could be the start of something new and better for me, or the start of a complete breakdown….either way it could break up the monotony in my life…

Monday, July 24, 2006

some random things on my mind

Well I’m still here.  I’m not the one of the Queens people without power.  It’s a shame that in this day and age that there could be a power outage like this, and it’s over a week.  This all started when LaGuardia airport (which is on the same power grid) had problems, and Con Ed had to re-route power to them which led to rolling blackouts.  When they tried to restore full power to the neighborhoods, that’s when the shitstorm happened, and power is still not on in a lot of the areas.  I hope there are criminal charges out of this, since Con Ed has been really irresponsible when it comes to the info and assistance of the people.  There are calls to classify the area as a disaster area, which it should be.  I’m just glad I’m not in that area, which from pictures on the news looks like a scene from ”Escape from New York”, where all’s that’s missing is a mysterious guy in a trenchcoat and eye patch chasing Isaac Hayes in the streets!!!

How about that pissing contest in that plot of sand in the Middle East.  All I got to say is that everyone’s at fault, but Israel is taking it WAY to far invading Lebanon.  This all was bound to happen, it was one of those “everyone was LOOKING for a reason to fight”.  In the end, I hope Israel gets sanctioned and raked over the coals for what they have done.  There is no reason for them to attack Lebanon without the help of the Lebanese army.  I can go on about this, like pointing out all the things Israel has done to “protect” themselves is almost the same things the Nazis did in the 30’s, That Israel has a thing for disobeying the UN-but who doesn’t’- when it comes to their illegal discrimination and genocide of Arabs through their wall building and illegal searches and raids, etc. But I won’t now.  Not that the Arabs are all good people, but they have a reason for their actions since the 40s when the Jews walked in holding up an arbitrary book that claims the land is for them, then pushed the Arabs out or made them their servants.

My mind is all over the place, especially since what has happened the past month, but all that is settling, and I realize that the choice I made wasn’t a choice, but something I was FORCED to do, and I wont’ be the one regretting how things went.  I also learned that it’s ok to be selfish, and I don’t have to let people have their cake and eat it to when it comes to me.  It’s better to shove the cake up their ass and walk away, than give and give so one can have all that they want and you don’t’ get anything you want.

That’s it I’m out if here….

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

So, uh, what do you do for a living?

For the past six months, I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly I say to the question.   For the most part, my job is to go through all the little kitchens on the floors of Bank Of America and make sure that everything is stocked and clean.  I also have to make sure that whatever catering that comes in is set up right and in the right meeting room.  At night I also close the kitchens, where I dump the coffee, rinse out the pots, and make sure that there’s enough crap out for tomorrow, I am also responsible for all ordering and stocking of supplies and milk.  I’ve had a hard time figuring out what exactly to say to someone what I do, other than “coffee jockey and stock boy”.  I think I figured out what I can say, and I posted this on a message board to see how it looked

Here’s what I wrote:
“I work in Bank of America's Midtown offices in Rockefeller Center assisting the housekeeping and internal meetings departments.  I for the most part make sure all the pantries on each floor are running right and are stocked, while also making sure all catering for meetings are delivered and set up accordingly.”

I think this is probably one of the best ways to describe what I do.  I’ve been really self-conscious about my job, and how people will think of it.  Recently I am starting to not think about it much, since I’m at the point where as long as the check is right and doesn’t’ bounce, I’m happy.  I mean it isn’t a job where I have a career, but considering most of my bosses started in my position, there are opportunities to move up.  People still do look down at me, and what I do like I should be at a better place in my life, but then again, I had to find this job and not get it handed to me like most of these people who do look down on me.  All I know is that at the end of the week, I get money in my pocket and that’s all I need.  I pay for my bills, and also give money to help out my mom with the bills and expenses in the house.  How can that be a bad thing?
Why did I write this tonight? Because I need something to do to keep my mind off of a lot of things that are swirling around in my head, and maybe vent about something.

 

Monday, July 10, 2006

just some filler for the page

I’m bored so I figured I’d write something here:

Lot of things going on in my life, and my Ying-Yang thing once again came true (look elsewhere to see what I mean).  And boy did it come into affect!!!  Seems like all the positives going on in my life was a little too much, and one BIG negative event happened.  I don’t like what happened, but then again I am not shocked something did happen.  Oh well, Shit hit the fan, I got covered in it, and now it’s done.  I think I learned something out of it all, and that should make me a better person (but I’m still pissed beyond belief that the event that happened was THAT event).

FORZA ITALIA!!!!!  It’s a great day for me (well half of me, the other half can give a rat’s ass).  Italy beats a bunch of Frogs, and is champions of the world (the only world champs that matters BTW).  I was supposed to go to the Beer Garden in Astoria to see the game, but the place was PACKED by 11, so I couldn’t get in.  I got home in time to see the game, but I wish I was in the thick of a bar with Italian fans, they are always fun to hang with, second only to Scotland Fans.  It’s always to cool to se the Immigrant communities get behind their homeland (I’m talking about legit immigrants, not the ones who stumble over a fence and suck all the taxpayers $$$).  

And to those who bitch in the Daily News, the ONLY legit paper in NYC, about how these people should be flying the American flag with their countries flag….FUUUUUCK YOU!!!  God forbid someone has pride for the country their heritage is from, and they are proud of what their people have done.  Where the hell are you people when the Blacks come out with their “flags”? You NEVER show the American flag with their demonstrations, why not bitch at them?  You must be retarded to think that the people flying the Italian flag don’t respect this country and flag, 90% of them are Italian-AMERICAN, who are probably one of the most patriotic ethnic group in the country.  Who do you think along with the Irish built this city and Northeast US?  

Mets with 6 on the all-star roster when it was announced.....once again Mets beat the Yankees at something this season.  Funny part is I think 2 actually made it to the actual event!

The less said about Red Bull NY the better…and I paid for a whole season of this bullshit!!!  At least I have a place to hang on weekends and watch how this team may top the 99 Metrostars…considered the worst team ever.

OK I’m done, I got to get some rest.  Lata