Trouble in the Terraces of my mind

hey...me writing here is a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy...

Friday, October 31, 2008

Quick updates:

Lazlow Show is on Sat. Night. 9p-12a. XM 202

Also Ron and Fez are doing a special show Election night on XM 202 as well. They are on live from 7p-12a Tusday night. The Election "Thunderdome", two men enter, one man leaves

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Spent another day observing someone at this job. So far t seems straightforward as I’ve said before, but I still have a little apprehension about it all, but that could be since I haven’t tried it yet. I guess it’s normal, but I try not to worry about things I don’t know about. I learned from a book written by Pat Croce where he said that whatever job you have in front of you, no matter how bad or dumb, just do all you can and your best, and then you don’t have to feel bad about failing if you do. He has a lot of other wise things to say, and I may have to re-read the book I have that he wrote.

As I was coming home tonight, I was listening to my music, and a couple Sevendust songs came on that made me happy for some reason. They made me think about some things that have been going on around me lately and I smiled and it actually made me feel better about some of these things. I found the Lyrics for them and I thought I would put them up here:

“Bitch”
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through woah
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through

Don't tell me
I can't imagine to be like you
All the pain and the suffering I go through
You surround yourself with evil
Every night that you have is an equal

Don't hesitate
Or you'll live in your own hell
Out of my way
You're surrounded by evil
Don't hesitate
You can get away
Out of my way
Out of my way (huh)

The dark clouds that follow you
The rainy days will always find you
You can never get away
Evil comes another day

Don't hesitate
Or you live in your own hell
Out of my way you're surrounded by evil
Don't hesitate, you can't get away

I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through woah
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through

Step up and
I can't imagine to be like you
All the pain and the suffering I go through
You surround yourself with evil
I hope it catches you up

I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through woah
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through WOAH!
I can't imagine to be like you
The pain and the suffering you put me through

“Honesty”

It's not suppsed to hurt this much
But it can never feel the same again
I'm left with nothing
But the memory of the way you used to feel
I guess you finally took the deepest cut
I guess the blade on my tongue was just too much
Every word that I said came from my dark side
Now this emptiness is real

You reach beneath the surface more..

So go and leave me with my last regret
Let me feel the way you left me dead
Too blind to see
You stole my honesty

I think about the time we've lost
I think about the time
The silence could be words
And now the only sound I hear
Is my guilty conscience
Screaming out your name

You reach beneath the surface more..

So go and leave me with my last regret
Let me feel the way you left me dead
Too blind to see
You stole my honesty
So go and leave me with my last regret
Let me feel the way you left me dead
Go away and steal my thoughts of Honesty

Take back everything I said
A new place for us to begin
Take back everything...
Take back everything...
Take back everything I said

So go and leave me with my last regret
Let me feel the way you left me dead
Too blind to see
You stole my honesty
So go and leave me with my last regret
Let me feel the way you left me dead
Go away and steal my thoughts of Honesty


“Prayer”
I remember praying with you [repeat]

Feeling alone,
And I'm by myself
I can't find no one else
Thinking of you
Drives me crazy
I'm kinda feeling lazy

So much frustration
Built inside of me
Oh, it's killing me woah
What am I turned to
I can't lose you

Who do you pray to? [repeat twice]

This is my prayer for you all [repeat]

I stand all alone
Looking at my shoes
Making me think of you
Like my dad said
Boy be brave, don't let them take you no!
What can I do?
I think I'm losing you

This is my prayer for you all [repeat three times]

I remember praying with you [repeat]
You left me
Your gone [repeat twice]
I remember praying with you

Monday, October 27, 2008

Today was my first day at my job. My occupation is a claims examiner for an auto insurance company. Today I observed someone do the job all day. In short, my job is to take claims that come in, look at all the paperwork, and determine if it is filled out correctly and that proper procedures were followed so that the company can pay them. It looks like a pretty straightforward job. It’s one of those jobs that it seems overwhelming at first, but once I get into the groove and get familiar with the programs used, it isn’t that bad. I did find it funny that in this age of modern programs like Access and other database programs, one of the programs being used is pretty much a MS DOS program. Sucks I have to remember my DOS shortcuts, but I will adapt. So far the people seem supportive and want me succeed. I still have the nervousness of it all being new, but I’m sure it will pass soon.

As a fallback, I am still sending in my security guard license form. I figure it wouldn’t hurt, and in case something happens I have something to fall back on. It’s going to cost me $140 bucks, but I feel it’s worth it.

Been going through “LittleBigPlanet”, and so far I love the game. It’s got a nice pace, some good challenges and it’s just an enjoyable game. I haven’t gotten close to collecting all the items, but I can come back to the earlier stages with the stuff I got form the other stages to unlock and find the other items. I haven’t even started to create a stage yet. I figure I would go through the game, get as much as I can as far as the items to use, and start then. I have ideas of what I want to do, and hopefully some tight-ass wouldn’t get offended with it (there’s a screen that people can report things they find offensive). It’s still something to keep me busy at night.

So now I have the job and therefore making money, now I have to get some power, then I can get the woman. Though I may just try to get the woman without the power, they do love the money!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Eh, it’s late at night, I had a couple drinks, and I felt like writing again. Overall was a good night. I went to Gamestop today and they had LittleBigPlanet in already, and I got my preorder. I haven’t dove into it too much but it is a cute game. Penn State did something for the first time they haven’t done in my lifetime-beat Ohio State in Columbus. So the “what the fuck is PSU so ranked so high for???” tour rolls on undefeated. Next is Iowa. Don’t get me wrong, I love PSU and all that, but even I think they are ranked higher than they should. This is especially after seeing some of the SEC and Big 12 games the past couple weeks. Those two conferences this season are the NFL with books.

Funny thing is I was happy with the win, I still felt a little sad. Not sure why, but I’m guessing it’s mostly due to some nerves over the new job. I also think it could be due to the roller coaster couple weeks and the events that has occurred during that time. As much as I know that what happened last week was the right thing to happen, I am still a little down considering it was a bright spot that I could look to when I was a little depressed over unemployment and the feelings of being a leech and useless. But in the end it wasn’t my choice, so I won’t be the one with any regret.

Ok, enough of my shit. Now it’s time to get you all angry. Here’s some commercials I have seen over several months that make me hate Cablevision more and more. It’s for their cable/phone/internet packages, and I really wish serious harm on whoever gave the thumbs-up for this. They also seem to buy up any time that isn’t taken form the vocational schools or ambulance chaser lawyers during the day, and during any open time during the news up to primetime. Here they are, and join me in possibly starting car fires in front of MSG:
First is one with a skank, though sort of looks like a dude, doing a really shitty pop song:


Now, here’s the one that is to pander to the Latino market, but couldn’t be more racist with the drug dealer/pimp and some big assed ladies (though, that part is ok and why I watch Univision/Telemundo-their news shows are porno with headlines):


Finally, shitty puppets that reminds me of that play “avenue Q”, but without the Aids/rape songs. I guess it is another one pandering to the Latin market. Retarded kids and kids with Autism wouldn’t find this crap funny:

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Hello all, especially those who lurk around this and read about me. No sweat, doesn't matter to me. I spent almost $400 on new clothes and shoes for this new job. I"m not really nervous, but more excited to see what this has to offer. I can't sit here and be nervous about something I can't control and what I don't know yet. That is something I wish people would learn: don't seat it when it comes to things you don't know or you can't control. You can only do the best you can do and use what you know. I don't like people who let their worries consume their lives so much it's more of an obsession than a worry and they can't enjoy life. These people in a sick way find comfort in their worries, that they self-sabotage and just exist in a state where they use the negativity that is around them as a blanket to comfort them. these people make me sick as much as I would like to feel sad for them, I don't. If there's a problem in one's life, then change it. How hard is that to understand? I think people are jealous on my ability to handle all the problems I have as best as I can, and not really worry too much about the unknowns. When I do that , then I have time to enjoy life and help others with their problems

Also, I wish people would put some stock into what I say to them. I am sick and tired of people who think I don't know shit about shit. Many people just assume that I don't know what they are going through, and I should just piss off. I knew someone who was losing a father, and this is after I lost mine months before, so naturally I didn't know what I was talking about when I was trying to make them feel better. I knew someone that was going through some tough times and wanted to change things for the better. I tried to give them advice from my experience being in the same situation, but all my advice was blown off and all I heard was that I didn't know what I was talking about. Needless to say that these people are not in my life anymore and like the rest of the negative garbage that was once in my life, they are in the past and I am off to move on to better positive things in my life.

Now, I am thinking of hanging around the Apple Store cruising for chicks at some point. I mean, a woman that wants a quality computer or product like an Apple would surely want a quality man like myself. Also Mac chicks are hot. It also shows they like simplicity, but depth-something that I am. But then again I can be quite an ass to a lot of people. they seem to tire of me and/or get intimidated by me, and move on. But as I said, all i do is the best I can do with what I got, and I do only things that I know.

One thing I am sick of hearing about "Wall St." and "Main St," in the news. Fuck "Main St" and also fuck "Joe the Plumber". I am sick of "Joe the Plumber" and hope his business goes belly up.

Finally, how come every candidate just happens to be from Scranton, Pa? they either lived there or had family there. Seriously, I've lived in the area, and the way it's perceived in the media is wrong. The media thinks there's economic plight in PA. Um, it's really built up in the state over the years, though Western PA. still has some issues and outright racism in the region, but it's not nearly as bad as it is claimed to be. Now Ohio, West Va., have issues. But since PA has so many electoral votes, they will live with being political whores and act poor for the politicians.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I got a job. I was offered a position at Countrywide Insurance right before I was to go for another interview. The position I accepted was to be a no fault examiner. I’m pumped that I finally got a job. Funny part is that I had an interview for a job today, I had another temp assignment set for Friday, and another agency called me today offering me an assignment. I have to go out tomorrow to get some new slacks and shirts, and it just happens Macy’s is having a sale. I also have to get some new shoes. I’m feeling good right now.

also, here's a video why I love Dana White and why he's a hell of a guy:

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

So I felt like putting an update up for some of you. First thing is that I got my 16 hour NYS security guard certification done tonight, and I have to send in my info for my license in later this week. I also got a surprise call from a staffing agency I sent my resume to in response to a posting they had for a maintenance position in Midtown. I got a call back from them and they seem really interested in my resume. I go in for an interview tomorrow, and form how the guy sounded on the phone, it could be a good thing and maybe I’ll get it. It’s in the salary range I want and almost the same thing I did in my last job. On top of all this I have a couple leads for security guard work, and the place I took the courses had job placement assistance. So things at least look like there’s a chance my unemployment stage may be over soon.

Naturally, things are looking good. Guess what also happened, and those who know me shouldn’t be shocked and almost expected this to happen. The one thing that kept me smiling and going, and honestly kept me from going batshit crazy, is gone. I can’t say that I am not disappointed, I am. But I am also sort of glad it is gone and not around due the fact that the end was inevitable, and better now than down the road where it could have gotten messy. Given what it looked like it was going to end up being and what I had to do to keep things going, I am glad to have at least the month of positives, but the overall negatives surrounding it could have been a disaster. But whatever, the choice was made, and I have to leave it in the past and move forward.


I keep telling you that life is full of yin and yangs-good and bad things-to balance life. This is just another example of it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I just wanted to add some of stuff I haven’t gotten around to. First is a link to an awesome videogame site called whattheyplay.com. John Davidson, a former editor for the magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly, runs it. It’s a cool site for both parents and non-parents. I like it because the people who run it aren’t the self-righteous jerkoffs who think videogames are only for children and anything made for someone older than five is evil and is the basis of the decay of society. The guy said yeah he’s a parent, but he likes games made for adults and he respects the hell out of anyone who wants to play games, regardless of their age and what content they want to play. Check out the site, and also his old bosses and I believe who also help run his site, 1up.com. The Podcasts rule on their site. While I am pimping gaming sites, here also check out gamasutra.com, Shacknews.com, and kotaku.com for some good news on videogames.

Side note, fuck you Sony. Because of two fucking lines in the title song you delay “Little Big Planet”. Apparently the lines are form the Koran, and they pissed themselves that it might offend people. So they recall the discs despite the developers already had a patch to fix it and had a new disc image ready to go. It’s good to see that small groups with a letterhead have more power than the massive public who are paying for the game and. Bunch of fucking pussies, makes me sick.

Since I am in a mood, here’s a commercial for a new Samsung phone that spoofs Romantic movies. I don’t know why I got angry at this commercial, but I did think I would see this movie…if it turned out like the typical Lifetime Movie-where the phone at first is fantastic, but in a second it turns into a movie where the phone brutally beats and/or rapes the dumb, naïve chick. Then the movie just turns from a romantic film into a comedy!!!



Second is a commercial I like, it’s a new Apple commercial where they kill Microsoft and their dumb commercial with Seinfeld. Good, fuck you Microsoft. You deserve the smashing for the commercial and their shitty OS.



Finally, here’s the goal of the year in MLS. Danny Cepero, the rookie GK for the Red Bulls got his first start because the regular GK fucked up and took some supplements that made him fail a drug test and got suspended for the rest of this season and part of next year. This is the first goal a GK has scored in the history of MLS.





I hope you like the “Angry Pete” post; some may have missed it. And after some of the things that have been going on, it felt good

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I was going to sit here and write another one of my “I’m going batshit crazy” entries about my current situation, but I won’t really. Last night I was talking to someone I have grown to care about. Listening to this person and the situation this person is in, I was sad and frustrated. Sad in that this person has gone through a lot in their life, and it seemed as if today they can’t get really ahead in life. I was also frustrated, in that this person has given me a lot of smiles and happiness this past month or so, and I wish I could help out and rectify the situation this person is in. All I have been able to do so far is take this person out and listen to the problems they have been going through, but I wish I could do more. When I got home, I started thinking about myself and where I am, and I really got depressed. I haven’t been able to get work and lately I’ve felt like a failure and a parasite, where I should not be living off of others.

I would like to mention that there are some positives in my life lately. I completed the NY State Security Guard license 8-hour course, and Thursday I go start the 16-hour course. After I complete the 16-hour course, I can look for work in the Security industry. So far I am excited in this aspect, but a little nervous in that I hope I am not wasting my money and time, like how I feel sometimes about my college degree. I guess we will see in the future, huh? I got a call about a resume I put in recently at an insurance company in Manhattan. Ironically the place is in Wall Street. It’s not a temp agency but a full job. I plan on going into this interview differently, in that I look at interviews with companies that aren’t temp agencies as that they want to hire me, and the interview is just the chance to confirm that they want to, so there’s no real pressure on me. I just have to reflect what is on my resume, and I’m in.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hello peeps; I thought I would throw up another entry here. Friday I went to a birthday party in Downtown Manhattan. It was held at a small bar called Keybar on 13th street. It was a pretty good spot to hang out, though with the whiny bitches from NYU around it sometimes kills the atmosphere. The get-together was fun, saw some old friends, and had some good drinks. I didn’t stay there for long due to my trip Saturday, but there was one highlight though. I was in line for the bathrooms, which both at this bar are unisex, and it seemed to take a while for them to open up. One opens up and this pretty girl comes out. The girl is in a white tank top and a short skirt and looks really nice. She kills the sexiness for me when she goes to the guy in front of me and says that “someone” took a dump in the bathroom. Her skirt was open a little in the back, so put 2 and 2 together. I know when a chick says that it can be a turn on for some men, but I don’t find it that hot. Sorry, I know girls do that, but I don’t need it to be confirmed in front of me. I will say that the post-bar pizza and garlic knots were out of this world. The pizza joint around the corner was fantastic.

Saturday was the big trip to DC for the World Cup Qualifier between the US and Cuba. I would like to first say thanks to the North Jersey Brigade for organizing the trip showing me there is maybe one or two good things in the state of Jersey, and Chef Leon for doing an amazing job with the food. The US ran through Cuba, but that shouldn’t have been a surprise. The trip down was really annoying. The people on this bus trip happened to be the more obnoxious drunks in the ESC, and for some reason they all were around me. I couldn’t hear anything, since some jackasses were screaming about the Rangers, and some were just screaming just nothing. It was 5 hours of hell, stuck in a bus. One moron passed out on the toilet in the bathroom. He was out for a half hour locked in the bathroom. It was really annoying. At the stadium was a tailgate with the awesome ESC chef making food, and the pre-game tailgate was enjoyable. The game itself was cool, though it still pisses me off that people come on this trip, say they are part of the group, and NOT sing!!! For fuck’s sake, you are there to support the team, then sing for them!!! These are the same jerkoffs that stand around section 101 like a bunch of slack-jawed yokels who are there for the ticket discount. It pisses me off to no end.

After the game we all get on the bus to head home. Now I hoped the drunken assholes I was stuck around passed out. I was glad since if they continued to be stupid, someone would have been choked to death. A nice surprise was the ESC chef made cold cut sandwiches for the ride home. Eventually I got home, passed out for a couple hours, and got up early Sunday to drive my cousin to the airport for his trip. After this bus trip, I am debating if I will ever go on a bus trip again. It seems the newer generation members of this group are trying to get that hooligan mentality and rowdy attitude going in the group, and that just spells nothing but trouble. I am not going to go anywhere that has me associated with this garbage, because I will not babysit or look after them. Thing is that if one of these idiots does get in trouble, it affect everyone, and that is something I don’t think the ESC needs. There should be someone allowed on these trips to have a baseball bat and smash some drunken shitheads skull in when they get out of hand.

To end this, I found this quote on the Internet and I thought I would like to share:
“Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.”

Monday, October 06, 2008

I have a new love in my life. Actually it’s an old love, but after years of separation and moving on to other loves, I found myself back to the love that I am accustomed to. This love is like the old times, but now it’s even more intense and satisfying. What has caused me to feel this good? The Sony Playstation is back in my life and I am never happier. What? You thought I was talking about an ex? Apparently you haven’t really read this blog, none of those pieces of garbage will ever get the time of day from me, let alone another chance.

I actually have the Playstation 3 in my house now. It’s replacing the Nintendo Wii that I traded in with all the games and accessories I had for it. I traded it all in at GameStop, and after a little money I had to put out to make up the difference, I walked out with my PS3 and a copy of “Metal Gear Solid 4.” I set it up, and got it all running and I am amazed. I played MGS4 for a little bit, and it is fantastic. The graphics blow away my Xbox, the sound is amazing in the surround sound, and the controls are good. It’s not just an action game, but also a puzzle in that you are not really supposed to kill people but sneak past them to do your mission. It is a challenge, but a good one.

I also dove into the Playstation store, where you can get games, movies, shows, demos, and other stuff online. Not just some small games, but some full games that you can get in stores, but at a discount. I bought a game off of the service, called “Pixel junk Eden.” I can’t describe it really, but it’s a puzzle game in a way, but with some trippy music. Look the game up and you’ll see what I mean. The music is cool though it pisses off the people in the house with the thumping of the bass, but fuck them, I enjoy it! I still have to look more into the service, but it’s much better than Microsoft and even Apple’s video service.

One of the other reasons I got the PS3 was the Blu-Ray player capability. Much like the PS2 I got years ago, I got a WrestleMania DVD to christen the system. This time I got the most recent WrestleMania event in Blu-ray. Watching wrestling in HD is really amazing, and the sound was like I was in the stadium at the event. I can’t wait to get some movies on Blu-Ray, and regular DVDS look good on it as well. After my experience with my PS3, I am debating if I am going to trade in my Xbox stuff in and take the credit from it and get some more games. I can get the same games on the PS3, and most of them are a little better. The Xbox was a nice fling, but I think I am back to my old dependable love.

Job wise, I got an interview Tuesday at another temp agency. I got a call from one of the other agencies I am registered with and was offered an assignment for the last week of the month. I said I’d do it, but I am also planning on going back and getting my security guard certification again. I have nothing to lose and its something good to have on the resume. I’m looking for the place I went to last time, but I found a place in Brooklyn that I have plan on calling to see what’s up.

That’s it for now. I just wanted to put something up since I haven’t put anything up lately.