I spent today driving around in my car, just getting some use out of it before I get rid of it. I am sort of torn on doing this, but in the long run I have to. If I keep the car, I will have to pay the usual insurance and other things one that is expected to pay, but also I have to pay for the upkeep as far a getting it to pass inspection. I was told the struts are starting to go on the car, and if I went to get that done, along with the required alignment, it's going to cost almost as much as the car is worth. And it seems at this point that every six months I have something big happen with this car (insurance bill, or repair), so it's like whenever I start getting some money in the bank to help pay to a new car or even a place of my own, it is gone and I'm back at square one. So I am at the point where it's better to cut my losses and just get rid of the car. It's going to be an adjustment to not having one, it would be the first time I am without a car since I was 18, but I am sure I will adjust and make the best of the entire situation, something I've always somehow been able to do. I'm going to clean the car out tomorrow probably just to get it out of the way, maybe find a couple things I've been looking for.

One other thing that hit me when the whole idea of getting rid of the car is something that has me a little guilty about getting rid of the car. this car I have was my fathers', and it sort of makes me feel a little weird about the whole thing. I know that material things like a car shouldn't have a real value to someone, but I can't shake this feeling. On top of it is the license plates on the car were from the van my dad rolled one night and almost died in (ironic he wasn't wearing his safety belt-if he did, he would have died in 98). For some odd reason, I feel like I am quitting on the car, and I am not one to quit on anything or anyone. I don't know why I am feeling all this, but I am. I will say one thing: when I mention I am getting rid of the car, I mean I am going to donate it to a charity so that it can help out someone in need. As much as I am feeling bad for losing the car, I do feel better that I am going to help someone else out. Somehow I always help everyone else, so I guess this shouldn't be new. Maybe this little act of kindness will help me out with God or whoever runs the show.

Downer aren't I tonight? Be happy I don't go through what has been rattling in my head since I started writing this!!!