Trouble in the Terraces of my mind writing here is a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy...

Saturday, July 04, 2009

THis is the end of this page. Maybe forever, maybe I'll be back, you never know. I would like to thank Blogger/blogspot/google for having this site to give people like me a place to vent. I decided to move onto something bigger than this page. So those who are interested check out my site and all new entries are in the blog section.

Like I said, you think you have the answers about me, I change the question. A great person said that...and he also said that he was here to chew bubble gum and kick some ass...and he was all out of gum.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The past evening has had me bashing my skull in as far as my website. I finally got it up onto MobileMe and got it linked to my domain name, and it looked HORRIBLE. On top of it, the address was a mess. So after trying to get it to work, I decided to really look at some other sites to host. I know some people have offered me space for free to host my site, but I found a place called that looks like it will suit my needs.

I've heard about the site and their service through Leo Laporte and his netcasts, and I looked at the site tonight. They are part of that "cloud computing" phase-where everything goes into a central spot to be stored, and you can access it from any computer. Their site has all the tools to build a site, and it's so expandable, the possibilities are endless. Their price structure is pretty flexible is where you can start at one level and expand it as you go- if your site gets bigger you can seamlessly expand the bandwidth and storage size. I also like that not only I can build a personal site with my resume, links to all the things I support and enjoy,and whatever I feel like doing, my blog here can be transfered there. So I can keep all my old posts if I wanted. I am not sure if I will but it's an option. I'm going to sign up to their free trial, mess around with it, and see what I can do.

One big hurdle I have-I need good pictures of me. All the pics I have of me and have seen of me are not good. My cousin and his wife have pictures of me holding heir child, and I look like a real creep in them! I got to work on that...

Another tech note is that after the whole wedding thing, I scanned the license into my computer as a PDF, and thought about taking all my important files and scan them into my computer. Then I am thinking of putting them encrypted onto a disc or a thumb-drive and put them into a safe deposit box. God forbid something happens, I'd at least have a copy of the important documents.
This is something all of you should consider doing, just to be safe.

Finally, I have to pour out a little from my 40 for a true pimp and playa-Billy Mays. the dude can sell anything. Hell, he got me to buy a "Big City Slider maker", and it does work well. He was part of a great show on Discovery that really showed how these God-awful commercials really are made. I think Discovery is showing a marathon of the show called "Pitchmen" on Wed. and I will be recording them. As goofy as he is on TV, he seemed like a decent guy who really didn't let all they fame get to his head. Sadly he died, and the Meth-head selling Shamwows lives, beating hookers up. Funny thing is I was told someone I know wanted to be Billy Mays for Halloween. It's still a good idea, just hope he goes around saying "ow my head!"

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I don't know what's going on, but tonight I've been really down. Not mush of a shock huh? This weekend was pretty cool overall, but just in the end it was a downer. Last night I hung around the house and watched the Red Bull lose again. Thing is that they do not suck altogether. Defensively they can holdup well, just they let one slip up (usually around 40 mins. into a half), and their impotent offense can't overcome that one mistake. It is quite frustrating, but can't say the entire team is bad. This is one of those teams that although the team is bad, if they can keep the hard working player together and fix the negatives, this could be a strong team in a year or two. But knowing this team they'll blow it all up and start over-much like every season before. On the bright side I had alcohol around and it made the night bearable.

Sunday started with a trip to my father's gravesite. I went with my mom and sister ad we put flowers on the site for a belated Father's day and flowers for my aunt who also is buried at the site. We stayed there for a bit, saying our little prayers and making sure it's cleaned up around it. I felt bad I couldn't make it up there for Father's day, but due to the weather in the morning last weekend I couldn't make it up to the site as well as my grandfather's site. In the afternoon I went to Brooklyn to spend some time at a couple festivals and hang out with someone, and as great as it was to do, I felt bad after it because I wasn't "on". When i hang out with anyone I feel like I should be, since they are taking time to hang out, I don't want to feel like I am wasting their time. It could all be in my head, but still I hate feeling like I wasted someone's time, that's just me.

I didn't get to see a lot of the Brazil-US game during the day, but I watched a recording of it and I wasn't sad about the loss. I wasn't sad, but frustrated with the US team. This frustration happens a lot. The US team doesn't realize how good they are. The first half they looked confident, playing to win. That first half is how the team should play EVERY GODDAMN GAME!!! I was lucky to see this side of the team in person when I went to Ohio to watch the WCQ against Mexico. The US went up 2-0 against Brazil, and looked like they had them on the ropes. Then came halftime, where in that 15 minutes that mentality went away and the other mentality the US is notorious to have. The second half was the US playing scared and playing not to lose. What happened when they did this? they give up three goals and lose a game the SHOULD have won. This side of the US team is what drives me batshit crazy.

Typical US society, everyone is now taking it as "well, at least they made the final." "We should be proud they played so well against the best in the world." etc. ESPN was sugar-coating the fact that the US lost the game themselves. Looking for positives in a loss is so counterproductive-it doesn't help improve the team's negatives but may reinforce them and make them even harder to fix. But hey, this is how most Americans want to live, and that is what has been one of the things that has led this country into the toilet.

Anyway, Since my trip to Brooklyn-which is a cool place, I been at home just moping around and feeling like shit. I decided to write this, and I got a surprise message from someone I haven't talked to in months, with news that was quite unexpected. My first reaction of the news was: "good, got what you deserve. hope it leads to a slow and painful hell the rest of your life." Fucked up thought, but honestly that's what I thought. Still unfortunate but that's life.

Anyway it's Sunday, so these ramblings are common since I hate Sunday nights for events that happened on one Sunday night. Oh, since I am now an ordained minister, I figure these aren't inane ramblings, but my sermons I am preaching.

Monday, June 22, 2009

So I decided to give setting up my site again, needed something different to do tonight. It's also something to distract my mind. SO far I think it's done for now, I just need some photos of myself to put on it. Anyone with some GOOD photos of me let me know. I also have to get the personal bio proofread and critiqued by someone. I am going to use one of the domain names I registered for it, and I am going to host on my Mobile Me web-space for now and see what happens. Maybe down the road I'll go with some site hosts like Squarespace, but for how it's not going to be too much for Mobile Me to handle, at least I hope.

As far as if I will continue the blog here or move it over to my own site, I'm up in the air about that. I may try some test entries there, see what happens, and then go from there.

I was talking to someone today about my father, and the person asked me about how did he die. I told this person what happened, and what I find to be the dumbest question ever to ask someone was asked to me. The person asked me the question "What did he die of?" See, to me this is one of the dumbest question you an ask someone who has lost someone. I don't see the point in asking that question and getting that information. What difference does it make how someone dies, the fact of the matter is that the person is dead and that's all. PLease don't ask anyone why someone they loved died, or even for the matter why anyone loses someone they care about in anyway. There's no point in analyzing why, but just deal with the loss and move forward from it.

One other phrase I heard a few times today for some reason is "those who can't, teach." I figured out using this logic what I would excel in teaching others:

how to be social and friendly with others
how to meet mentally stable women who won't use things in their lives to cover for their chating
how to have a long-lasting and healthy relationship with someone
how to use Windows operating systems
how to love the state of New Jersey

I"m sure there are other courses I cold teach well.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Friday was one of the most surreal moments of my life.

Friday i got to do my first wedding. I did the wedding of two friends of mine. I was nervous moreso because I just didn't want this wonderful moment. Luckily, most of the people attending this thing were really goofing around to help lower the tension, as well as still shocked that not only these two are getting married but they were getting married by ME!!!! It got to the point where I had to show all the credentials. So the ceremony went off in the oven of my friends living room (20 people in one room....not good), then we took pictures outside of the house, and then went to dinner. Had a nice dinner, then went back to the couple's house, got all the paper work, and left. Today i looked it all over, filled out the second envelope I was given (one envelope had the city clerk's office's address, the other one was blank with the clerk's address in the return address area). I filled out the second envelope with the address EXACTLY as it was on the license, stuffed it and the license into the envelope, put postage on both, and sent it on its way today. As far as I know, I did everything I had to do. I am a little nervous about it going right, just because it's the first time I'm doing this and it's two friends.

Now I've been on a high since the wedding, since it made me feel good making them happy. Even the fact that the shithole called the Meadowlands and their fucked setup didn't bother me. Today was Father's day, happy day to all the father's out there. I didnt' get to do what I wanted to do this morning mostly since the weather wasn't too good, but I'm going to my father's and grandfather's grave sites next weekend. I spent the afternoon with family, and was glad to see my cousin on this day since it's his first as a father.

After the family thing, I came home and felt down. I know I"m a grown man and should be totally independent and be living my life, but in the end I miss my dad. I've written a ton about him in the past and I won't bore you with it again, but I miss the guy. He was the man in the family and did all he could do for them. I try to live my life like that, and despite some things i have done he wouldn't be cool with, I hope I can at least get close to that standard he set, as well as the standard my grandfather set before him. I miss a lot of people who are no longer in my life. Some aren't in my life because they can't be anymore, some aren't because etiher I won't allow them in my life anymore or vice versa, yet all of them I haven't been able to fill the void they left. My dad is at the top of the list.

Sorry for the downer end to this, but just wanted to get that out.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I am SO for the same-sex marriage bill passing, mostly because of my new position can lead me to making some good cash. I showed some people the credentials I have, and most of the reaction is disbelief or just humor. But anyway, I am happy with my choice, and I hope to make others happy through my work.

Ok, now to the main thing I was thinking of tonight. I was looking around the Internet tonight and watching some old wrestling clips on Youtube. Along with this I was looking around my Itunes collection seeing what I should put on my Iphone. What made me think about is what music gives you goosebumps, and just energizes you. Think about what songs comes on your radio or Ipod that just gets you going and "up". Here's some examples I have. One thing I will say is that some come from my watching of ECW, which did link music to the wrestlers, but there are others.

"Walk" by Pantera-the first 30 seconds of this song is my ringtone on my phone. I really first heard it form wrestling when it was the entrance music for Rob Van Dam. This song would hit and the crowd would EXPLODE, and would sing with the hook of the song. To this day, I hear it and my skin gets goosebumps, and I almost have a need to point o my back with my thumbs for some reason. Even on it's own it's an awesome song that can get one's blood pumping.

"Enter Sandman" by Metalica-buildup of the song form the start to when it really kicks in is really done. It's also one of the last great songs by the band. Also Google "Sandman entrance", and you'll see how a song should be used for a wrestler.

"Blind" by Korn-Again, the build up for the song is well done. It gets a crowd really jumping when it kicks in, and the best visual of this is video of the crowd from the last Woodstock.

"KIng Nothing" by Metallica-Just like "Enter Sandman", it starts off simple and builds up to a really awesome rock song. The video is also pretty good as well

"Natural Born Killaz" by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre-I liked this song before the wrestler New Jack used it as his music (which is played through his entire matches). Not exaclty a kids-friendly song, but the overall song is just put together well.

I have a bunch of others, but I would be writing all night.

just filling space and time here folks, had to write about something no matter how dumb it was. I have to force to write more to make myself a better writer.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Video I made tonight, between Sunday and just the whole period since 2006, I felt like I had to draw a line

link if you can't see video: