My holiday thoughts

Happy belated holidays to all of you that are reading this. Hope things went well for you all.  It was ok, just a little bit of a downer considering the events of the past month.  It felt sad and weird at the same time without my dad around for the holidays, and without him here, it was one less person to vent to about how frustrating some of the festivities were going.  Along with that, without him here that made me the #1 asshole when I actually said something that went against the grain.  I think people were irritated with me, but I honestly don’t care what they think.  I had to put up with their crap for 27 years, and I’m sick of the same cycle that happens in the holidays.  

I went over with my sister in the morning to my aunt’s house to give out some gifts to her and my cousins (something we do every Christmas).  We tried to get there and out before my one cousin came over with her four missed abortion opportunities and her cross-eyed asshat of a husband.  They can kill any party/gathering.  They are all savages with no discipline or respect for the rest of the family.  This is the cousin of mine that thinks the entire world revolves around her ever-growing fat ass, and everyone has to bend to her every need.  If someone doesn’t, she’ll hold her own kids hostage from the rest of the family until it is done (like giver her money, buy her kids toys, since neither her or her jerkoff husband works).  I hope the rumors are true and they are moving away, that will be one less headache on the holidays.   But that just means that people will have to travel more to do all her work.  I can’t get involved due to promises I made to people, but there have been times where I have come close to getting involved, and I can tell you I was, and still am, ready for whatever consequences that resulted in my actions-including being ostracized by my family.  I am so sick of seeing how my cousin’s selfishness and ignorance has destroyed her immediate family, and my Aunt in particular.  

Overall I was pleased with all the gifts and gift cards I received, other than one is for a store that has every college team’s shirts and crap, but not Penn State’s!!!!  They have some cool other shirts, so I may get some of them in the future.  I got a nice memory foam pad for my bed, which has helped out my back a little, but it still hurts like hell. I felt bad though with all the stuff my mom bought for my sister and me.  I mean it was all nice and I could use all of, but I wished she did go out and got al this stuff for us.  I tried to get something nice for my mom, but she went all out for my sister and I this year, and I felt guilty as hell.  The same goes for my cousins, they spent too much money on me, at least more than I deserve.  I threw out a couple DVDs I was thinking of getting and my cousin and his wife got them and a cool shirt for me, which I really was pleased to get don’t get me wrong, but I just felt guilty that people go all out for me and I try to but I get outdone.

So the new years’ is upon us, and as usual I should be asleep or playing videogames when it hits midnight.  I am not into celebrating new years, seems just stupid.  It also doesn’t help I don’t have a social life to go out to parties or out with people.  Oh well, I hope that the New Year is a better one than this one was for me.  I hope at least my monetary position is better at least.  The most important thing I want this next year is something to make me happy.  I haven’t been totally happy all year, even when things are all good and I felt good, something happened to take all that away take for example when my aunt and uncle came into the city from Denver, it was all good and everyone was happy and smiling, they left and my dog died a day or two days later, which killed the mood in our house.  I guess that’s all I got to say now, it’s hard to concentrate with my XM online blasting and I’m just enjoying the tunes.  I guess I’ll end this here and maybe come back with more and better stuff in a day or two