better attitude, better me

I wrote about the “Ying Yang” symbol and how I thought life is ran that way a while a go, where you go through having positive and negative experiences in life, but they are balanced out in the end. I just had a really negative experience after I had a real positive one, which in my theory balanced out my life. The big part of having the negative experience is to learn from it to make you a better person. After the experience I had I learned one thing; my attitude in my life sucks.

The past four weeks has led me to reevaluate myself and my attitude towards life. I have had some bad things happen to me in my life, but I CHOSE to have these things hold me back, rather than finding ways around them to live a better life. For Example, in high school, I had my leg in a cast for the better part of the time. I could have asked my parents to drive me around to hang out with friends, but I didn’t, figuring my parents worked all day, why would they want to drive me around to the other side of Queens to let me see my friends. I also thought why would my friends hang out with me? I’m a gimp, and what could they to hanging out with me? Another example is my work history. I was so hung out on all the bad things about how my life turned out that I didn’t’ do anything to change it. All this and other thing sin my past has led me to be very hard on myself, and for some reason me wanting to do better for others and not for myself. This led me to care more about others, and care about them to a point that it would drive people away, since it was too much for them. As I was working one day, it hit me: I shouldn’t care about people or things in life so much, I should be more indifferent about things, or at least show that I am. Another thing I learned was that I shouldn’t care as much about what other think about me, it’s their problem if they don’t like me. Maybe this will help show me who my real friends are and who aren’t.

Since I came to these realizations, I feel damn good. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I’m not being held down anymore. Now I see that I have a hell of a lot more positives than problems in my life. Don’t worry I will still be the obnoxious asshole I can be, but just one that has more confidence and not as easily hurt by what is said back.

Funny, it took me a little over a month to realize something I should have learned earlier in my 27, going on 28 years of life. But on the other hand I wouldn’t’ trade anything form those years for anything; they made me who I am no and who I will become. If you take anything form this, just take that you should always be learning something, either about someone else or yourself. That’s the only way you will be better any anything in your life. There are reason bad things happen in life, and I think they are to teach one how to life their lives better.