I may sound crazy here....

Today, I spent the day thinking about a lot of things in my life, and what has happend in my life. I came to a realization....I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of what I have now can go away at any second. What I mean is that all that's in my life can dissappear if I make wrong decisions. I have a lot in my life that's very important in to me, and I just feel that I'm just one screwup away from being on my ass with nothing around. I'm just afraid that what I'm doing now is just enough to keep things together, but if I try to do something different, it could go away. It's almost as if i'm standing in a small boat during a storm, and if I shift in one direction or another, I'll be in the drink!!!!

Most of this has been coming up due to my frustrations after the past years of failure and the 29th of this month is the day where all this comes to a head since 2001. I wish I didn't pick my birthday to make this massive decision that i've been forced to live with since.

I don't know, then again as Denis Leary one said "Life sucks, get a f*cking helmet!" Gotta find where I put my helmet