My computer is officially dead!!! I spent the entire time today trying to get it back together, but no matter what I did, it seemed to make things worse!!! so this afternoon, I chose to just stop trying, which led to me lashing out at everyone around me. I shouldn't have done that, but this computer thing is one of many things building up after 5 years. Don't want to get into it now. So in the end, my parents are getting me a new computer, even though I don't want them to. I feel conflicted about the whole thing. On the one hand, I'm getting a better computer that works, but on the other hand, i am not paying for it...and I still feelsick to my stomach that they have to pay for it.

Other than that, still stressed out over a few things. Again, dont' want to get into it here, but hopefully soon things will clear up.

Well, Easter has come and gone, and I've never felt so old!!! I got to see all my cousin's kids and they are growing up. I can remember when they were all first born, now they are growing up and mobile. just amazes me how much time flys by (though all of it is much when I think about it). It was a good time seeing all me relatives, but it became a real downer when I read the score for the US match, where they havent' won in Mexico now in over 24 matches

my computer is still on the fritz, and that's really got me aggrivated and sad. it seems lately that everything thing I do, goes bad, and what I do to try to fix it makes matters worse. I was so frustrated I almost lost it and just threw out my computer. The entire day today i've been stuck thinking and doing something to my computer and it's got me so worked up, I was in just a pissy mood and took it out of others, shouldn't have done that but it's better than me putting my hand through something like a wall or window (which was close to happeninng several times today)

People keep telling me I should let others help me in my life, but I can't. It's a thing with me that drives me. This past several years have been the first time I've actually been in control of my life, and I want to be in control. All my life I've had someone or something (eyes, ankle, etc.) force me to give up some control in my life, and that's something I never was comfortable with. I know I should let othrs help me, since doing things on my own hasn't gotten me anywhere, by my mind says it's better to do it myself and fail, than have someone else in charge and fail...This is something I have to sto thinknig like, but I gutss I'm stuck in my ways.

Some observations I had the past few days...

first, I hate Pepsi even more now. Because of their contest for free music under the cap of pepsi, they also had the Gewn Stefani song plaing in the commercial...guess what's been stuck in my head the past several days?!?!?!

second, the local rock station (a dying format in radio, after Stern leaves ths station it's most likely going Spanish like EVERY OTHER ROCK STATION IS GOING NOW!!!) is having a cute gimmick this weekend called "Resurection Weekend" where they play all songs from the 80s and 90s. I like it, but realize that there are things that shouldn't be brought back!!! that's why classic rock stations are good, they play old classics, and crap so people can't repeat bad history (you don't want another Air Supply or Yes do 'ya???)

After last night hanging out with my cousin and his friends, I realize I need a chick!! I think I was the only single guy there ( and tallest..but I'll leave it at that before I get in trouble for that remark!!!) Nothing beats being the third wheel!!! But at least I got to see some good comedians last night at this comedy club.

that's all I got tonight

nothing new with me. Just felt like writing something here before I get some sleep. I can't believe that MLS' season starts soon, and that it's going to be their tenth season. Time seems to be flying by. I remember the first game I went to in 1996. It was Metro against the Tampa Bay Mutiny. I got to see the most memorable goal in the shistory of the metros (Gio Savarese's bycicle kick to tiem teh game...it's up on Metrofanatic.com's site in the media section I believe). I have tons of memories following this team, but that sticks out in my mind.

My fantasy league started up tonight with our draft, and n the first round (each round has three picks, and each round is like every other day so the guy running it has time to update rosters and stuff), and so far I got all the picks I wanted, so things are looking good so far. THis is the first year I'm doing this guys fantasy league, and it looks like it's gonig to be interesting (I play teams in my league, and in Cup matches against other teams from other leagues....hard to explain since it's hard for me to understand what the hell the guy wrote about the setup!!!)

My paperwight of a computer is still shot, I hacen't even looked at it all week. I hope this weekend to take a look at it and run this software I'm getting to hopefully clean it up....otherwise I may not be in a festive, religious mood on Easter!!!

God I'm tired. I haven't slept more than 4 hours last night, and for some reason, I can't sleep right now. Guess with everything that's going on has kept me awake. I did get to see our government do that BS show to pander for votes in FORCING the right-to-die issue back into a court that (along with every other court this case has been in) ruled that the husband could take the feeding tube out of her. I can't believe that this is such a pressing issue that our entire country shuts down and debates this frivolous (in the eyes of 99.5% of the people) issue. This is the problem having zealots running this country. Crap like this is made the big issue and the real problems (like how to fix this economy, how can we get our troops out of areas where we shouldn't be in, minor things like that) are put to the backburner. It's crap like this that makes me ASHAMED to be an American.

It's also these kinds of people make me ASHAMED to say I follow a major religion. After the past 5 years, I have to agree that religion is nothing more than a crutch for the weak-minded, as former Gov. Jesse Ventura once said. To see some of these followers is sad. A lot of them expect God to show them the way in EVERY aspect of their lives, no matter how wrong or right the decision is and how it may affect others around them. Ironic that they say they follow God and everything, but they do it in the most selfish way, something God is apparently against.

I personally an Catholic, butI am like most Catholics...I do the right thing, and may not follow all the rules, but the rules I do follow are the major ones. I see some of thse people who call themselves Catholics (like the Catholic league and "organizations" like them), and it sickens me. These, like many other fringe, cult elements in most organized religion, are the ones that maek the most noise and try to make it so that they are the "face" of their respective religions. THESE PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK FOR THE SANE, NORMAL PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW IT!!! These are the people that pray for the guy that shoots up the abortion doctors that his soul is saved by God, but that the Doctor's gets condemned to hell for his sinful work. What really scares me is that these people are in out government, and they have direct access to the highest ranking officials to get their borderline facist agenda (another Ironic thing; we apparently have free will in religion, but that's only allowed when we choose to do what the religion approves)

Enough of my rant. I will be proud to call myself an American on Sunday. The US is playing Mexico in Mexico on Easter Sunday. I'll have to catch the result somewhere else though, since I highly doubt that I'll be able to watch any of it Sunday. I was actually close to going down to see the game, only thinng stopping me is I got no money for the plane ride and can't get a passport so quickly. Oh well, I just hope that the US can make the Mexicans into Mexicants!!!

First off, I hate my computer. Right now I"m writing this on my Dad's computer, since as of right now, my computer is more or less a paperweight. I have to figure out what's going on in it. First, it's 6 years old and I probably need to clean out the registry of all the crap that I took off the computer wrong, and other things like that. There's also probably a ton of spy/adware hidden on my computer that all my spyware eliminator programs (adaware and spybot) and my anti-virus (Mcafee, I got it free from AOL) cant take off, even in safe mode. Trust me, it irritates the hell out of me that I have to share a computer now. I just don't like sharing a computer, where my stuff can be seen by others, and if I mess this computer up, I"m messing it up for other people. This killed some of my job searching (but I was smart enough to back up a bunch of my files onto CDs, so my resume is all safe). To show you how blazing my computer is (circa 1999), here it goes:

458 (about) MHZ Intel Celeron Processor
4x record 24x read CD player
160 Megs RAM
zip and floppy drive
ATI 8meg Video card
10 gig Hard drive

so you see, I got one nice POS computer that almost got thrown across my room the other day (would have landed by the chair I threw when all hell broke loose and I kept getting error and my computer froze up constantly). I hope that this week I will clear all this up.

One thing I thought of this week, I wasn't a refund for that waste of time the Gov. Had when MLB went to a hearing only to say NOTHING!!! I watched 5 of the 10+ hours of that garbage (I would be watching the basketball, but had no money on it this year in brackets, so why watch it). It amazes me watching any hearing how people can talk for hours on end and nothing gets settled (though Palmero and Schilling at least spoke enough to keep my interest). I say that if you want to interrorgate someone, chain them in front of C-Span and force them to watch hearings all day, they'll crack within the hour!!!!

I was watching this thing about the Shalvo chick issue. Why is the Federal Gov. getting involved??? I thought it was unconstitutional for the federal gov. to get involved and make laws for individual citizens (and wasn't this one of the reasons for the Revolution form the Brits?). I can't help but think that it's crueler to keep her alive rather than let her die (which she won't feel pain from since her brain doesn't know what pain is at this point). I'm in favor of euthanasia for the simple fact that why have someone who won't recover and won't be able to live any type of productive life be forced to live. Isn't that cruel and unusual punishment?

Now I can understand why SHalvo's parents would want her to live, it's just natural for a parent to protect their child, but isn't also cruel to keep her going due to the denial that her parent's are living in? It was proven several times that she won't recover form her condition, and it must be costing them a lot of money to keep her alive. If I was in that position, I'd hope my family would have enough love, care, and respect to let me die, why prolong the agony.

On the bright side, "the SHield" is back on the air. If you want to watch a great show that's expertly written, watch it at 10 on FX Tues. nights. Now if the Facist C*cksucking commission has it's way, they'll be censoring cable and satellite TV/radio, and this show (along with many others) will be taken off the air. So before they do watch this show, it's better than anything on the air. Other show's I"m getting into is "the Ultimate FIghter" (11 on Monday nights on SPike TV) and "The Contender" (Sunday nights at 9 on NBC). BOth are reality shows but they show you how a figher is and what's in their heads when they fight. The COntender really goes into the fighters' families and reasons they fight. It's compelling drama in both shows, plus you get to see one guy beat the hell out of another person at the end of each show.

I'm outta here

In a few hours, I help my cousin and his wife move into their new crib. I spent last weekend helping painting a room in it, and that was a fun thing...not counting the FIRE down the hall in one of his new neighbors's apartments!!!!! After the NYFD left the building, the hallway had such a nice odor-everytime I was in the hall I had a craving for smoked ribs!!! Another fun thing was when one of the elevators apparently was messed up by the fire. First it took forever for the elevator to get up to the floor (5th, I'll get into another thing in a minute), then when it came up to the floor the door wouldn't close for a good 3 mins.

I said he was on the 5th floor, and his building doesn't have a freight elevator but has "Intimate" elevators...so that means when it's time to move his big furnature, it's either wedge it into the elevator, or carry it all up the stairs. Oh, thank God he lives on an odd number floor...if he was on an even numbered floor, i'd have to use the stairs since the elevators only go to odd number floors.

Other than that, they got a really nice apartment, it was well kept up (it's actually a co-op, and the previous owners really did a good job renovating the place recently). The floors are all parquet floors, and a rich colored wood on top of it. I think the only major thing they have to do now is maybe put a fresh coat of paint on the walls, just to make it look cleaner. I gotta say it's an impressive place and maybe I'll be allowed there once in a while after the move in!!!

Other news: I haven't heard anything from First Investors, so I guess I wasn't picked to come back for a third interview...oh well, not the first time I have had that happen.

Well, went to my big second interview today....what a clusterf*ck!!!!! after the presentation (where I learned that if I do get the position I wouldn't be paid for the training and would have to pay the fees for the licencing tests, but would get the back downthe road), I had my one-on-one interview. Lets just say I won't do well in an interrogation. I pretty much answered all the question wrong, and I really doubt I'll be asked back for the third and final interview.

When I got home, I felt horrible. I looked at me email and got one that made me smile!! don't want to get into too much detail, but it helped confirm a couple things (which is good). After eating lunch, I happened to turn on ESPN...and the Mets were on playing the DC Nationals!!! first thing that hit me watching the game...the LA/Anahiem/Orange County Metropolitan area Angels (whatever the hell name they are now) should sue the Nats for stealing their uniform!!! Honestly, take "Nationals" off the front and put "Angels" on it and you'd have the Angels uniforms!!! But I do like the black/blue Mets Uniforms, much better than the orange, look like roadworkers Mets uniforms that had the past couple years.

BTW I may make a road trip to DC to see a Nats game, moreso to jsut go and laugh at that dump called RFK. They somehow topped the crappiness by converting it back to a multi-use stadium, and theyt plan on using trays of grass on the dirt infield for the equally crappy soccer team..I predict (pray) some of the Scum players will be going under the knife for knee surgeries...and I'll be smiling!!!!

Oh yeah I may also if I have time see some relatives that live down there too!!!

It's been a while so let's talk about what's going on in my life (I'm sure the 4 people the read this are DYING to know, though the people who read this already know...)

-My cousin and his wife got himself a nice phat ride!! a nice 2005 Accord. I went with them to pick it up, which I was told it would take no more than a half hour.....Well about 2 and a half hours and I think 2 buck worth of my cousin's quarters to feed the meter, they finally got the car. they were even nice enough to let me ride in it to the U-haul place, since they had to get some packing supplies. Gotta say it was amazing riding in a car where the suspension actually absorbed bumps, unlike mine and my cousin's old POS cars. Another thing that I found funny was my cousin's ball busting about my "light red" car.....it amazes me when the people who need rides ask AFTER they rag on me about the color of my car!!! If his wife wasn't in the car, I would have let out the nastiest fart in his new car, at the very least to get rid of that pesky "new car" smell!!!

-My great Aunt died last week, she was 99 years old. I personally wasn't too sad about it, not in a mean way, but the fact she lived 99 years (two months short of 100) was impressive. The wake was cool to see some of my family come out, which sorta surprised me, but made me happy to see them. The funeral itself was really sad. Only 6 of us went (well, at 99 she outlived most of her generation of the family). But it was a nice service anyway. What really surprised me was that my aunt and uncle from my mom's side came into the city to be at the wake for a little bit, and my aunt from the Island came in for the funeral service (so that made 7 at the service itself).

-Tomorrow I have a second interview with a financial advisor group about an entry level position. It is a entry level position where they train me to be a financial advisor (train me for the certifications and all). I am so nervous about this whole thing, every interview I go for now I feel like it's going to be my last. I have this fear that I'll be rejected from EVERY job here in the area, and I'm destined to not work....so now you see why I'm up writing this at 1 am and not sleeping. Eh, oh well...we'll see what happens, hopefully this crapshoot won't come up craps