After thinking it over, I”m really leaning on getting rid of my car. I just spent over a grand on it to get it running again, and with the inspection coming up later this year, I may have to spend another couple hundred on the car even more. I”m at the point where I would be spending money on it is more than the car is actually worth. So I may just get rid of the car and cut my losses. It sorta puts a cramp on some things I do, but I can get around it by borrowing someone else's car, or mass transit. One of the positives I can see is that whatever money I save up for the insurance can be put to a new car. I am looking over my budget that I have made up, and so far at this rate with the salary I have, it should be a while until I even get enough for the down payment on a car (lets just say at my age, as a college grad, and considering where I live, I make quite a bit less than I realistically should be). But it is what it is, this is the hand that I am dealt, and I will have to work with it. I did lower my 401(k) contribution a bit, but considering that BofA is matching what I put in up to 5%, I am still putting more it than I was last year. SO I'm not cheating my retirement.

Although I am going to be in a “save mode”, I will splurge on one thing. Some I know are planning on getting a place over the Labor day weekend and I intend on joining them. Partly because it is going to be upstate, and it's going to be a nice area where the place is. Second, it's my birthday and the people I would be spending the weekend with are those who I can't think of anyone better to hang out with. Why would I say this? Simple, two years ago, some of these people (who I barely knew), were the only ones who showed up to hang out for my birthday. That left a real impression on me, considering that they did more than a lot of those I knew for over a decade. Honestly I thought they showed up as a favor to my cousin, but since then I've gotten to know all these guys and I've always enjoyed hanging out with them. I consider these people my true friends, and they rank above a lot others I call friends.

Along with these guys and gals, there is one more person I put in that same category. She and I have been friends for a while now, and we met via the internet when I was looking for fellow PSU alums. We started talking, and we ended up being good friends, and chose not to try anymore since the distance between us would make it difficult, and also if we were to hang out, there would be “pressure” to make it worth both of us (as in one of us traveling that far and having a good time-otherwise it could feel like one wasted their time). We talk and email each other, and she will call me to see how I am doing just out of the blue, as I would do the same. I have emailed or called her with some issue I was having, and with all the problems she could be having, she'd take time out to deal with my pissy little problem. Some are probably reading this and saying “well duh, you are friends”, and that's true, but still the fact she would do that and also come to me with some problem is a big deal to me-makes me feel what I do is worth it.

What really made me see how valuable she is happened late last year. I was trying to rebuild something from the past with someone else who I though cared about me and said that to me several times, and although I was promised by this person that things would be better and we would have more time together, it clearly wasn't. To put things in perspective, in the two months that I saw this person until December when this person called me to tell me off and in essence have a breakdown on the phone where I was the target of her venting for some reason, I got a total of 3 emails and 2 phone calls from her. Yeah, I was a fool and thought if I was patient that she would come around, but what made me realize that this was wrong for me to do was when my friend would call me through this time just to see how I was doing. It hit me; here's someone who has no real attachment to me other than just talking, who has never met me face to face, and she has shown more attention to me than someone who repeatedly told me how her job now can afford her to see me more compared to last time, and how she is going to go out of her way to make time to see me and talk to me. Right then and there my friend got put in a higher level of friend compared to most of those I talk to. Needless to say that my friend is the only one of these two I talk to, and I had to apologize to her over this whole time period where I wasn't really cool with her over our talks over this situation.

I have no real clue what the hell I am writing about tonight, I just thought I would write what was on my mind before I go to bed.

Some of you may have heard about this story about some crackwhore that killed her kids on Long Island. This animal drowned her kids, left them on their beds, and called the cops. I was reading this story and I could feel my rage grow. This shows that there are fucking morons that have no right to live, let alone breed and procreate. It's not just her, there were two other shitheads who slept with her to conceive the kids (one twice). Granted they probably banged her because she was jonesing for some drugs and that's how she earned the money for it, but still after seeing the fathers on TV, it's further proof that the worthless breed with each other and eventually there will be so many of these zeros that they will over run the smart people. I like how both fathers were claiming that they were trying to get the kids out of the house from that savage. Were they? Honestly, if they wanted the kids so bad, they should have went over there and taken them.

Some other things have came out about this shitstain of society. First she would leave the house and have the oldest kid (6 years old) take care of the other kids (one 3 years I believe, the other 18 months). On top of all this the social worker visited the house several times, and NOTHING was done. To me, the social worker should be in a cell with the mother, since her ineptitude led to the kids dying. First off, what should happen to the mother is that her entire cell should be covered with pics of the kids corpses and the lights never go out in her room. Then once a day, three guards come in with billyclubs and wail on her for 30 seconds, then leave. No psychological help, none of this pussified “prisoner's rights”-an oxymoron that I will get to one day, just treat her like the animal that she is. I'd make a great warden, and I'll write how the judicial system should work one day. I got a couple ideas in the can for entries.

Another thing I think that would have prevented this is something that should happen just to save the tax payers money. When a woman is found to be pregnant, the doctor should do a drug test and criminal background test. If drugs are found in the system or a prior drug arrests are found, mandatory abortion. Women and men should lose the right to procreate if they are found to have a drug problem, just so us who are law-abiding don't have to deal with them.

But I did find something I haven't really found in my life: a woman who did the right thing by me. We were talking for a bit, and after a couple days of us talking and things seem to be going well but still real early, she decided she wasn't ready to date or get to know me better due to work and her school. She came out now with that right away so things don't get complicated, and she even had the class to apologize for leading me on in anyway. There was no promises of making time for me no matter how crazy her job gets or how her family situation gets. There was no talking for a while, making it seem like there was potential and then her issues that she hid from me coming out and making her look like the liar she is (because she would say “I have no baggage or drama in my life”). She was honest with me and I respect her for that, though it does suck a bit since I though things were going well for an early stage. One other plus is that she didn't' ask to be just friends, which wouldn't have happened since that would me she would get all she wanted but at a safe distance, and I wouldn't get what I wanted. So there is one woman out there that isn't like the lying scum I've had to deal with in my life.

But on the other hand, if she was feeling me or was really interested in me, she would have not done this and found the time to IM. call, or hang out. But this is her choice and she'll have to deal with what comes out of it. This is another thing I may get into in another blog (maybe it would be getting into it again, but it would still be a entry that maybe I'll give a new perspective on)

Yeah, I didn't post Sunday, I was busy getting things done, and also going to a birthday party. The party was a dinner at an Olive Garden (which to real Italians is a restaurant that is almost as offensive as Taco Bell is to Mexicans). Overall the dinner was a good time, and the food was surprisingly good. I guess the Irish in me liked the food. I did notice one problem with their menu though. hey suggested a red wine with a chicken platter. But a good time was had by all.

Now on to two attention whores I can't stand. First off I'll talk about big Al Sharpton. He's in the news again pimping out an ex-girlfriend of an alleged victim of a cop shooting. I REFUSE to refer to Sawn Bell's chick as his widow since they weren't married. If you haven't heard about this non-story, This Bell guy and his boys were having a bachelor party in a club that is so known for shady activity, cops are surveying it. They all leave apparently all uppity over something that happened in the club, and allegedly some of the party was screaming they were going to come back and bring violence to other club goers. Needless to say, this raises the attention of the undercover police, and they spring into action to question the individuals in this party. Seems like some in this party allegedly have something to hide, and they freak out. Part of this freaking out involved almost hitting the cops with their car after the cops apparently identified themselves as cops. See, when you try to hit a cop with a car, you tell the cop “I am trying to hurt/kill you” and this does gives cops the right to use deadly force. The cops allegedly did, albeit maybe too much, but they were justified. Sharpton and that attention whore chick that didn't get her wedding raised so much drama and ruckus that they tainted the jury pool and led the trial to be without one, with the judge giving the final verdict.

If/when the cops get off and freed, This chick only has herself and Sharpton to blame for it, since their actions and protests to try to get sympathy for these thugs (who by the way, have criminal records of some serious felonies), led to the justice system to do what it had to do to ensure that a fair trial happens. Even if the cops are guilty, I hope they get acquitted so that fat slob that DARES call himself a “man of God” gets another loss in his record of ruining people's lives for his profit. Hope that medallion he used to wear somehow gets embedded into his skull by one someone from the black community sick of him setting them back decades every time he opens his mouth.

Now onto the other stain on this world that needs to disappear: Ralph Nader. So this moron decided to run for President again...WHY?!??!? He has no business in the race, and Obama already has taken the “vague calls for change” stance. And whenever he ran, he's always help those for the people he truly hates: big business. I honestly think he needs to have a mental evaluation. He's going to go out there, make a fool of himself, and use money he is gong to get form people who think he's got some sort of idea what he is doing. Granted that they have the right to, but still seems like Nader is going to be wasting other people's money.

I can never understand how he is a champion of the “little people,” when his wins to get things safer has led to prices of cars and whatever Nader chose to target as unsafe to skyrocket. How is that good for the “little people”? I also just cant' stomach seeing his stroke face and that twitching eye of his on the news, taking away form legit political news. One thing that is going to happen, is that he would be excluded from the debates, because the news people would agree that he has no right being in a legit political debate, and you'll hear about all these liberal douches petitioning to get him in, and the court would get involved, making the political process look like a circus. This will also happen in states that refuse to put him on the ballot since no one would vote for him.

Look, I am for more people involved in the process and more people in the race, but when someone who is a two time loser, who has no real platform to run on, and never seems to take this whole thing seriously, it makes the process a joke. i would feel the same way if Bloomberg would run.

Tonight I am sitting at home watching the Joe Louis Documentary on HBO and so far it's impressive. I also am waiting for the boxing match right after the documentary. All day today I have been listening to my Ipod as I was doing some work around the house, and as I was working these Sevendust songs came on. As I was listening to them, for some reason memories from the last part last year came up and it made me realize how much these songs helped me understand what was going on and how I was feeling at the time, and eventually helped me realize who I really am. These songs probably weren't originally written about the same things I was feeling, but they did make me feel better and in ways I can relate to what was written. It also made me think about the impact of music on people. Music has a way of making others feel some emotion, or can help others cope with whatever they are dealing with. I guess that's why these events and concerts for peace or whatever cause happen-to invoke emotions to do something for either themselves or for others. I guess that can be said with other media as well, but it seems music is always the most powerful or at least the most impact. I think mostly because music is audio only, and that causes more of a mental interpretation, like “theater of the mind.” I think thats why people listen to the music they choose to, either knowingly or unknowingly, and sometimes that's all people have to cope with the reality they live in. Then again there are psychopaths out there that listen to music and use it to justify whatever they do, but for the most part music is something positive to help people, and also entertain for a short time.

I chose these songs because they were the ones that brought out these feelings, and also I think these are the most powerful songs this band made. I also chose this posting as an excuse to once again plug Sevendust, who I feel don't get the respect they deserve. If you can, listen to their music, and hear the contrast to the music, and Lajon Witherspoon's voice. Anyway here they are, and I hope you enjoy them.

Confessions Of Hatred

Impossible to reason with the thoughts in mind
To direct to forget about my pastimes
I assure you of one thing
This is something you'll never forget

In time I'm sure you'll understand
That the sound of the crack
The slap of my hand was only intended for one thing
The one thing I never had

Palms sweaty - thoughts dry
Hand fed by a broken mind
Hands shak'n - don't cry it'll all be over

And then you'll have the chance to see the hole inside
The painted picture of a wounded mind
I can never escape this
(you helped me create this hate)

(my - undying - addiction)
How were you the last to know
(you - brought - this - on - yourself)
Now you're the next in line to see
All that I've become
(confessions of hatred)

Responsible for bringing out my darkest side
I tried to hide what I feel but it's my time
To inflict all the damage
Some indescribable pain

Heart beating, last cry
Anticipating what I have in mind
Lick my lips an approach you
(with undeniable fucking hate)

(my - undying - addiction)
How were you the last to know
(you - brought - this - on - yourself)
Now you're the next in line to see
All that I've become
(confessions of hatred)

One day I'll become whole again
Till then I'll just remember
I thought you understood being misunderstood
How wrong was I to think you ever would?
One day I'll become whole again, whole again

(my undying addiction)
I never thought you'd be the last to know
(you brought this all on yourself now)
You will be the next in line to see
All that I've become
Victim till your last breath
All the hope is gone
(confessions of hatred)

(I'll show you pain)

Beg To Differ

Slow down Slow down
I lived a life with no regrets till you came around
(your lost I'm found)
You had a hold on me
But now it's slippin away

You used me
Never would I thought you'd try to
Lie and deceive me
I'm sure you thought I'd be easy
(you had a chance but now there's nothing
That you can call your own)

Why does it feel like
I have been the only one
Who stopped and swam
(Up the river)
If everything you said to me was a lie then
I really think (that I beg to differ)

No time I'm gone
You had your chance now let me show you the way around
(your loss mine now)
I let you call it once
You'll never do it again

You fooled me
Once and then you should have figured
Now there's just one space
That you can fill but it's empty
(you'll never find a place that you can call your own now)

Why does it feel like
I have been the only one
Who stopped and swam
(Up the river)
If everything you said to me was a lie then
I really think (that I beg to differ)

I'll never understand
I'll never understand
I'll never understand
(I don't fuckin understand why)

You used me
Never would I thought you'd try to lie and deceive me
I'm sure you thought I'd be easy

Why does it feel like
I have been the only one
Who stopped and swam
(Up the river)
If everything you said to me was a lie then
I really think (that I beg to differ)
I'm gone

Feed

I erased you
From my every waking memory
I replaced you
With a vision that you - won't see

Pity is a four letter word
And so is quit
(and so is left but I'm)

Right where you wanted me
Feed from the inside
Out of bitter sympathy
You want me wrong but I'm right

May I remind you
It doesn't take much time to call
Can I respect you
If a man was never there at all

Pity is a four letter word
And so is quit
(and so is left but I'm)

[CHORUS (Repeat)]
I replaced you with a vision that you - can't see

(Right where you wanted me)
Feed me from the inside
(Out of bitter sympathy)
You want me wrong but I'm

OK I am not sure what to write tonight, but I will let you all know that today I did get my Gmail account up and running. I sent an email out to all in my address book that from now on I will be using my gmail account as my primary account. I do have my MSN one still, but I will use that less and less over time. For those who didn't get it, there's probably a good reason, but in short it's almost the same as my MSN address, but with @gmail.com. Simple.

I will plug something I have enjoyed reading and posting. Comedian Nick Dipaolo has added a forum page to his site, which is like an extension of his internet radio show/podcast (go to blogtalkradio.com to find out more about it, and look on Itunes to subscribe to his podcast). It's also a place where people pissed off with the status quo in society, and want to read/tell like it is out in this world. Go to http://nickdipaolo.com/forum/index.php and check it out.

that's it for tonight...sorry to disappoint you with a short post, but I am trying to post everyday to get my writing skills up.

In the train station by my job is something that us absolutely nauseating to see in the morning. The walls are covered with ads for a new shoe called “lipstick Jungle”. It's one of those shows where the allegedly hot, slightly older women that are in the professional world doing the modern woman are supposed to do these days: sleep around, and buy shoes. First off, the women in this show are in their late 30s to early 40s. That means these women's looks are like an old 78 Buick, it runs and is somewhat reliable, but it's one bad breakdown from falling apart and should be tossed on the scrap heap. Shows like this, and “Sex and the City” (which on a side note, has a movie coming out, and to hear the airhead “professional” women talking about it, you'd think it's a Scorcese or Coppola film), and whatever piece of garbage show like them are what I feel is the worst portrayal of women. These show seem to be extremely superficial and making chicks look like a bunch of materialistic skanks who are think that it's just so easy to get everything they want in life. It also promotes that type of sexiness that is such a turn off to me. It's that desperate sexiness that women who are average at best are really insecure in thinking they are 10s. this isn't just older women, but any age woman that knows she's as beautiful as ovarian cancer but she's trying to project the image they are the hottest thing around. These women have no business trying to look good and should just accept their mediocrity, and know that there has to be some desperate guy out there that would throw her a bone, with or without the assist of alcohol. Hell, that's where I am about myself. I know to some i”m damn good looking, and I know how attractive I am and I accept that. I don't go out there acting like I'm king shit, I am me and I am cool with that, and I”ll attract the chick that is just as hot as I am.

Now to talk about something totally different. I was listening to some Wu-Tang Clan (yeah I listen to them, sorta surprising considering some of my stances), and I am convinced if their music debuted today, it would blow away any of the garbage that is out there now. Even today, their music is just as strong and influential as it was in the 90s when it came out. Today's rap is really garbage, it's over produced, slick, over promoted, and just about nothing. Wu-Tang, and most of the rap stars back then were just stripped down beats and intelligent lyrics. The funny part is that I only like them as a group. I thought that individually each member was weak on their own albums. It seemed as a group they were to hide these weaknesses and come out with strong tracks on a consistent basis. Wu-Tang was also rap's version of Kiss, where they whored their name onto anything to make a buck.

Their work was almost on par with how grunge was doing for rock at the same time. As good as guys like Jay-Z, Nas, and Kanye West are, they are also victim to the overproduction of their music, but they are still heads and shoulders above every other rapper out there, who are as the old saying goes “all sizzle, no steak”. Yeah, I don't think 50 Cent is any good. When I se him perform, I am waiting for him to throw his feces at the crowd.

Another proof that the agenda in the media is to emasculate men; I just saw an ad on TV for the Oscars, where there's a bunch of guys sitting on the couch with beers and pizzas around them screaming and celebrating, when one of them tells the others to quiet down because the acceptance speech. If this isn't proof that the liberal jizzbags and queers in the media don't want men to be men, I don't know what else to say. Thank god I have a pair of balls between my legs, and I know how a ma is supposed to say and act.

Over the past couple days, MSN has been really pissing me off. I have bee having trouble sending messages to people. For example. I sent 3 different emails to one person, and they claim to only get one of them (also had a couple other say they never got emails from me). It may have something to do with the fact I am checking and sending my mail through Apple's mail program, and that required a special add on to make it check my MSN account. I did send a couple emails though their piece of shit website, but that takes almost forever and it has nothing to really offer that Mail has. Plus I like the convenience of using Mail, rather than going through a website. So I have been debating getting a Gmail account. I still would have to keep my MSN account, since it's the master account and my sister has her MSN account. It would be like how the Verizon account I have works to, but I never use that since it was just setup for the DSL account. If anyone has any advice as far as my situation is, or any experience doing what I am thinking of doing, please leave a comment or IM me. I may keep the MSN as a “spam” account, where I use that for shady websites.

Did you see the video of the cop with the mouthy drunk chick? I laughed my ass off when I saw it and the pics of the chick after. What happened is this drunk whore was mouthy and resisting the cop in the police station. it was being taped probably for court as far as her questioning. Well she was being an ass, and really giving the cop lip and not obeying the cop. Suddenly, the video is stopped, and when the tape starts up again, the chick is on the floor in a pool of blood, and a couple other cops took her out of the room. In the news report they showed her with two black eyes, and apparently she had some busted teeth and facial bones. Part of me was glad to see this. it's nice to see that there are still cops with balls, not afraid to tune a crook up for giving an attitude. Though it did sorta suck it was a chick that happened to, but at the same time seeing how she acted, it is sorta justified.





Then again there was the other video that got me angry. it's the one where the three black security guys flipping over a crippled white guys in his wheelchair. Now this won't be in the news for much longer, because it's whitey getting his form the black man, which is justified for some reason. but if the races were reversed, the shitstorm that racial ambulance chaser Sharpton would have raised the hate crime charges would be thrown around. Hope you liberal douches who wanted the world like this is happy with the double standards you jerkoffs brought about with all your bitching and moaning.




Not much here tonight, but I figure I'd write something to see if some nugget would come out.

Well, I came to a realization today after work and picking up my car. One bright side of having a job that can be busy is the simple fact that for eight or whatever number of hours one works, it's a distraction to whatever else is going on in one's life outside of the job. Granted sometimes you can be caught in a daydream about something or someone (one of the barometers of how special I find someone is if they are thought of by me at work-though usually that sentiment isn't shared or at least claimed to be, but in the end it really isn't), but when I am at work, all the bullshit and problems I have at home or with others seem to be put on he side so I can focus on my work. Today was a day where it really worked well, and somehow I was able to be even more efficient at work-it seemed I was “on” today. It was one of the rare good feelings I have at work. Not that I don't find my job unfulfilling, I do sometimes, but at the same time I sorta get numb to the job since it's a lot of routine. Sure I'm probably preaching to the choir, but it was odd to feel good about what I did today.

One other thing I came to the realization that simply I WILL NOT OR CAN NOT WORK WITH A SIGNIFIGANT OTHER AT MY JOB. I can't see how some can work with their wives or girlfriends at their job. The constant togetherness has to put some strain on the relationship, like living with a roommate in college and how you want them dead by the time winter/summer break comes along. God bless those who can do it, but there is no way I could do it. I'm a big enough ass that can be a little grading on others, and to put a chick through that would suck. The time away from each other working can be beneficial to get a breather from the other one. I'm not saying romances at work shouldn't happen, but for myself in order to even consider it, one of us would have to leave the job, or get moved to a department so far away from the other one that we don't see or speak to each other during the workday. Also another thing would be that we wouldn't “talk shop” when we were together, just because I don't want my life to revolve around a job, including my relationship.

As I write this, the primary is almost over, and it seems more and more all that “white guilt” that has been under the surface of society is slowly coming to the surface. Look at who is voting for Obama, White douchey college brats, who are the main reason this society is starting to go in the the can with their political correctness and their over-inflated sense of civil liberties, are voting for someone who has proven nothing he is promising can be followed through on. I can't wait for whoever going to represent the Democrats, since in the debates with McCain, grandstanding and vagueness in their speeches aren't going to cut it, and specifics has to be given, which could be the downfall of the democrats, and once again they would shoot themselves in the foot for the second presidential election on a row.

One more thing, Clinton has to stop talking, she is trying to sound like she's JFK, but she comes of as that crazy old lady screaming at kids playing on her lawn. Hearing her do her Kennedy impression makes me wish Oswald was still around and would like “relive old times.”

I wish I didn't have this day off. Just when you think you are getting ahead financially, something has to happen to fuck it up. Today I am feeling good, got paid pretty good (I'll get back to why I am not totally ecstatic with my last check). I go to Gamestop to pay off some games I had on reserve, so I don't owe any when they come out, ad last night I bought some albums off of Itunes. I get back home to take a drive to Brooklyn to check something out. I get in my car, turn the key and....nothing. the car cranks, but not turn over. I also notice that it's close to 60k miles. First thing in my head: belt went. I get a tow to the service shop and a couple hours later I get a call from the shop. Turns out it was the belt and it broke a couple other things. So that and another thing, plus labor....about $1,000 total. A FUCKING GRAND!!! The guy says he'll try to get the car done by the end of the day (it's still there, have to get it after work). So the rest of the day I've been in a miserable mood, blown away but how fucked I am money-wise now. I also decided that this is the last big expense on this car I will do. Next time it breaks down and it costs as much, the car is junked. I can't see spending so much on a car probably not valued that much. So I transfer the money to my checking account, really taking a chunk out of my other savings accounts, and now ready to pay this shit off. I was offered help by my mom to help figure out getting a newer car, but I refuse to do it. I refuse help money-wise, because I don't want to owe anyone money. Much like my job search years ago, those who around me know how stubborn I was about accepting their help, and with money I want to do all this on my own, so if I do fail it's just me, and I'm not dragging anyone else down.

So any plans I had this summer went out the window. For the next several months, all money is going to be put in savings. Only real expenses are going to bills for the most part. I need to rebuild up my savings. This has also brought the idea of looking for another job for potentially more money, but in reality I am not sure if there is anything out there for a guy with my qualifications and skills. On top of this is the whole issues with my job, and that doesn't help much put my mind at peace. As far as my paycheck thing. Remember the bonus I mentioned I was getting? Well the company was thoughtful enough to add it to my gross pay. So yes, it was taxed along with my regular pay, so I only got a piece of what I was told I was getting. That really pisses me off (and yes I know most companies do that, but what's with the cocktease of saying you are getting so much, only to have it taxed and taken away from you before it hits my wallet). I am hoping to get a pretty good tax return, but I'm not putting any hopes on it.

So how was your President's day!???!

Hello all, It's Saturday night and I am home sitting at my computer. That should tell you how much planning I did this weekend. So to clear up some boredom, I chose to write down some thoughts I have.

First off, I was watching these stories on steroids in baseball. Part of me is on the side of throwing some of these players out of the league, but also part of me doesn't think there is a huge deal, and even understand some of these players. Remember the Speed scandal, when players in the past would take speed and super-caffeinated pills to get themselves “up” for games and keep up at a level throughout the season to keep their job? I think some of these players doing steroids/HGH are only doing it to keep them “up” to last through the season. Think about it: you play your ass off one night, probably hurting something, and you have to pay more the next couple days. If you have some nagging injuries, you need to do something to try to speed up the healing process. Like I said, some who blatantly used steroids to gain more power and bump up their stats for a bigger payday should be dealt with severely. But some like Pettite, who used HGH/Steroids to help with their healing process, shouldn't be really dealt with as badly because they felt like they HAD to do that in order to keep their job. Who can blame someone who did whatever they had do to keep their job?

Second, I just got done with an IM conversation over me and my apparent “anger” that I project, and how that could be both a turn off to others who first meet me and how that could be a severe issue. First off, I am not a totally mean person, I am just an honest person and it may come off as anger. Some can't take honesty and equate an honest remark as something mean spirited. This person said that I should apparently “turn it down”, because I may come off as aggressive and turn people off (which this person said that could be a core reason I am still single). Look, I am just being myself, something I am always told to be, but now someone is telling me not to totally be, because “the first impression is the most important” (that fucking cliché, only heard that over and over in my life). To me, it sounds like this person wants me to bullshit someone into thinking I am someone I am not, rather than just be up front and let them see who I am, and if they don't like it they can leave. This is my one big issue with people-they act like who I am is what they want, but then after a little while, they want me to change or they suddenly can't handle who I am and how I act.

This isn't just in relationships with women, but with friends and professionally. To me, what was said by this person is bullshit. When it come to relationships with women, how I act is a result of watching a lot of the men in my family, and want to know something? most of them are in happy and healthy relationships with women that “get it”, and the ones who aren't are just as happy with their lives. But according to some, that's not how to live. I am supposed to “fall in line” with the society and become some emasculated zombie, that's supposed to just accept whatever is told to me.

As far as friends, I may not have a lot of them, but I do have friends around me who accept how I am, and the relationships I have with these people are close and fulfilling (not in that way-but in a way men have full friendships). But in any type of relationships I have, all I ask out of others is the same thing people ask of me. How the hell am I wrong in doing that?? Some say my “niceness” is a front, but it really isn't. Whoever I meet I am nice and give them the benefit of the doubt. After time I may start to trust them, assuming they are honest or give the impression they are. If they do compromise my trust or any core value I have and look for in anyone I deal with. Any emotional connection is severed, and I am numb to them, and at some point I turn my back to them. I am amazed that the people that have gone by the wayside cant' deal with the result of them either lying to me or making me question their honesty. Though all that does play into one big deal with me: whatever choice you make, you have to be ready for whatever result comes from it, both good and bad. Most people I have dealt with can't accept the outcome of their choice, which includes me calling them out on their lies or choices. Hence why I do not have a lot of friends around me, but I do have friends I really trust and value.

Call me a racist, call me a woman hater, call me whatever it is the hell you want. You can not say I am not honest with people, and I have no guilt or regret what I say or do because all I do and say is based on the information I have.

So Valentine's day is coming up, and as usual with this society, the commercials have been out in full force for the past couple weeks. You know them-the emasculated, dumb male trying to get that gift to make his wife's year. Or the douchebag trying to be slick in getting his chick a piece of jewelry, that happens to be on sale. This is always the type of crap that is always put out there by this backwards-ass society in general: make the man look weak and stupid. Unfortunately it seems that this isn't in TV. Look around you and you'll see some pussy-whipped sissies looking around for a gift to satisfy that shrew of a wife or girlfriend. I will never be that guy. First off, if any chick I am with isn't happy with just a simple little gift on Valentine's day from me, she has the 15th to apologize to me, or on the 16th we break up. I can't, and won't, be made to feel that what I do on one day means more than anything I do 364 other days to show I appreciate and care about someone in my way. And if you and your chick use Valentine's day as the one day to show your love and appreciation, just give up because your relationship is damaged.

I choose to be a man, and the man in a relationship. That means I will refuse to be/do the following (not in any order):

I refuse to have my kindness to be taken advantage of. Sure I am a nice guy and all, but that's all probational with a chick, to see if she is worth the time to still be nice to. If she lies to me or does something to question my trust in her, then she sees the other side of me-cold and distant that acts like they are almost dead to me. Your Pete privileges are over

I refuse to spend any money on anyone that doesn't appreciate all the things I do for free. If I am taking the time to do something for someone, they damn sure better appreciate it. I am not a charity

I refuse to let any lie a woman tells me to slip by. Hey, if I am going to get called out on my bullshit, she's getting called out on hers. If that bothers her, she knows where the door is. They choose to lie to me, they have to be ready to accept whatever comes out of that selfish action-both good and bad

I refuse to have a “soft spot” for any ex, and have any desire to be “just friends” with her. That's giving her something she wants-access to me, and if things don't work out, why should she get something out of it and I get nothing I want or need?

I refuse to give a woman any time that she won't make for me. to me, if you care about someone, you'll make time for them. It's that fucking simple.

I refuse to feed into someone else's selfishness. The world and relationship will not revolve around you and your needs. You have to give as much as I do. Not that hard.

I refuse to bow down to a chick because she has a slit between her legs. I got two hands, I'll be fine

There are probably a bunch of others I can add here, but you get the idea. I am going to be a man, and be myself. Some are going to say “look at the woman hater, he must be pissed at a chick”, and they are partly right. I'm pissed at today's woman in that with all the equality shit they have, they still will play the “I'm a fragile woman” shit. You can't have it both ways, and you won't have it your way totally with me. To get what you want, I require you to give what I want. How fucking hard is that?

In my past, especially my recent past, I have been promised by women that they cared about me, and how no matter what, they will make time to see me, and how they have fallen for me, and all that shit. But alas I simply ask them to follow through with their talk, and they either get found out to be the lying pigs that they are and deny it, or they have the audacity to call me selfish because I ask them to contribute to the relationship. I'll let some of you in on a secret: some chicks who read this used to go out with me, and maybe had a sorta serious thing for me. For some reason or another we aren't talking anymore, but they are so pathetic they still have a “soft spot” for me, probably because they know they did wrong and haven't apologized to me. So for all the women who tried to emasculate me and tried to make me “fall in line” with what a guy should be these days: I'm still here, you still want me, you could have had me if you really cared about me and actually followed through on the line of bullshit you fed me, and between now and Valentines day I hope you kill yourself or someone close to you dies painfully.

Happy Valentine's day everyone

Hey all how are ya? Jesus Christ what a clusterfuck of a week. Almost not sleep Sunday and Monday night, nothing but bad surprises all week-both at work and in personal life-that forced me to work almost twice a hard as I usually have to. On the bright side, I won something on ebay I have been looking for and I got it at an insane discount. I also got a small raise (emphasis on SMALL-shitty last quarter at the bank, I'm just glad I am still working) and a good bonus from last year.

Ok another thing lately that has me a tad irritated and convinced this country is completely fucked. That cow Clinton is threatening MSNBC to pull out of their debates because one of MSNBC's analysts pointed out something that he had every right to. He asked if Clinton's daughter is being “pimped out” but the campaign to call these “superdelegates” to sway their vote (which to me sounds illegal-but thats me). What a shock that those pussies at MSNBC bent to the pressure and “suspended” (meaning they are waiting a couple days to fire) the analyst and made him APOLOGIZE for a valid question and opinion. So what does this mean? That the idea of opinions are no longer allowed in the media. THE FUCKING MEDIA!!!! So that's one more freedom taken away because some asshats got their feelings hurt. Hey, if that pig Chelsea did what she did, she got involved with the process, and is as open to criticism just like her mother. Slowly but surely, this country is losing it's balls, and it's getting harder and harder to live. But this is all coming from a White, heterosexual, Male....the trifecta of wrong in this pussy ass, fucking douchebag of the world.

All of you mocked me when I preached that Pat Buchanan was the most sane guy in politics. I voted for the man when he ran for president. Read any of his books, and all the shit that has happened recently he predicted years ago. He said this country is going to go to hell in a handbasket, and look around you. if you think I'm wrong, fine. When the savages screaming “Allah this” and “bahwah that” come and destroy this country because the people here are arguing over some petty bullshit, don't say you weren't warned. It's already happening-US banks had to go beg these Arabs for money because the banks were stupid enough to give some deadbeats mortgages who have no right to the,, and shockingly they weren't repaid. I'm frightened over all this since I've seen people let go because no one else will take responsibility for their shitty judgment.

on all this anger subject, I found another great comic who thinks this way as well. I've been a fan of him for years and love his attitude and observations. Nick Di Paolo is his name, and he's got an Internet radio show on blogtalkradio.com at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/nickdip . You can also find the podcast pf the show (it's the day's show sent out after it's done-I listen to it the next morning on the train to work) on Itunes when you search under “Nick DiPaolo”

Thats it everyone. Love me or hate, you know you still are going to read this. The men who read this wish they thought like I do, and the women who read this wish they had a man like me in their lives (some could have, but they thought I was expendable in their lives). So keep reading, I'll keep writing and we'll have our opinions-that's what America is all about isn't it?

I also had a couple more things I forgot to mention:

First, playing online has led me to figure out there are a few types of players:
-Racist Hayseeds who use the N word like it's the word “the”
-12 year old failed abortions you wish their destiny is the same as Tommy Lee's kid, Adam Walsh, The Yates Children, or Nixmary Brown
-the type of players that the Hayseeds do somehow accurately describe using their version of 'the'. As they play on their stolen Xbox360s and their stolen online accounts
-creepy older gentlemen who have no job, living on unemployment, and staying online for hours at a time befriending younger children.

Still, it's fun to play, as long as the mute is on most of the time.


also, I am updating my resume, after reading my last entry, you'll understand to at least keep my ear in the direction of the ground looking for other opportunities. Maybe up tonight, but maybe this week.

and finally I put my IM info up, so in case you want to not stay cowards and maybe offer your opinion on what I write here.

Hello all, The Giants did it. They beat the Pats in the Super Bowl, and I can't be happier. Eli (Fredo) Manning proved himself, and the Defense just owned the Pats offense. Only problem was that I got about 3 hours of sleep last night, which really put me in a not so great mood. But at the same time, I was a good little boy and kept my cool, considering all the heat I got on me last week. Between the new BofA Tower in Midtown being built and the whole idea of the bank giving loans to deadbeats and being shocked the loans weren't paid back, the atmosphere at my job ain't the best. So I am not taking any time or sick days off, don't need to give my boss any reason to fire me.

I am apparently in the doghouse at my job over....I don't know exactly. I get a a message to meet my boss in my building. I get to the meeting, and there is a real bad feeling around the whole thing. We sit down, and in the 20 minute meeting, I was given back-handed compliments, conflicting statements, vague explanations of why I am apparently in trouble, and veiled threats as far as my job security (gee, take a guess what gender my boss is???) Yep, she decided to set the tone of this meeting that way, and of course since this is corporate America, I am guilty without any proof other than some anonymous person making a call. So I maybe rubbed one or two people the wrong way, they go crying to my boss, and I'm in trouble without any real opportunity to defend myself. Ironic part is that the couple days before I was getting compliments from a lot of the people I serve. So this is what I got after all the hard work I have done so far, doing more in a day what most of my peers do in a week. I figured this was a thankless job, but it really does show how appreciative they are of me. I was supposed to have a meeting last Friday with my boss again, to talk about how I can “improve myself”, but it never happened. I didn't ask about the meeting, since it's not my responsibility to remind my boss about appointments. Funny thing is, I haven't changed how I have conducted myself at all, since I don't think I need to. So we'll see what will happen next.

Gee, what a shock. I am myself, doing my thing and it seems to piss off women. But the funny and irritating part is that women keep telling me that all I need to do is be myself and that's all they need. Then after a few more promises and other jive they feed me, they get pissed off when I act as if they are going to follow through on what they say. I had one recently call me selfish, after all I did to make her feel better after all she was going through, because God forbid I cared about her and wanted to put a smile on her face. So I do what I am asked for, I find out she lied to me on several points, and I'M THE BAD GUY. It almost makes me wonder why bother, since it seems like a lot of my life is thankless. But then again, I feel I live the life of the righteous, and a lot of that life is thankless at least now. Apparently with how life does work, in the end everyone gets theirs, both good and bad, so I guess O just have to keep plugging and living. Maybe I will write a list as far as how I live, maybe inspire you to live the life of the righteous just like me.

So I finally got my tattoo. I got it Thursday night and overall it was an enjoyable experience. First off, they guy who did it couldn't be more professional. Also the entire process was low stress and what really stood out was the amount of detail as far as cleanliness and sterilization. Sounds dumb, but seeing how much was done to ensure the whole process was safe and clean was really impressive. The actual tattooing wasn't that bad. It was a little painful, but more in a annoyance way and also felt a little like burning. Most of the time, it didn't bother me, but when it came to some of the detail work was where I grimaced a little. On top of fatty here is ticklish but I really didn't cause a problem. The pic here was taken by the guy right after it was over. the whole deal lasted about 3 hours, but it didn't feel like that. the dude who did this, Kevin, is really an artist. Check out his work at www.fatcattattoos.com.

Now I know who I have told I was doing this isn't totally cool with the idea. I'll tell you why I did it. First I am damn proud of my family, and I wanted to show that. Second, it looks beautiful, and I wanted something really fantastic for a tattoo. I did get it just black and white, since the colors on the original photo ate purple and yellow-but I thought black and white would look better, as you can see I was right. Another thing that has been on my mind through the whole deal is that my dad did a lot of genealogy work, and he was planning on doing it for money when he retired. As much as I busted his balls over th work, like saying “what's to know? some Italians fall off a boat at Ellis Island and now we are here”, but I was really proud of the man and the work he did. He spent a lot of time researching various old documents, and stay with it no matter how many roadblocks he encountered. I thought it was cool reading some stuff about my family, and it brought a passion into my dad to get this all done. It would have gave him something to do when he retired, so I can't really fault him. I hope that he did know how proud I was for him, though I didn't really say it. Maybe this tattoo could prove how much pride I have for my family and my dad and all he did and was stood for.