My holiday thoughts

Happy belated holidays to all of you that are reading this. Hope things went well for you all.  It was ok, just a little bit of a downer considering the events of the past month.  It felt sad and weird at the same time without my dad around for the holidays, and without him here, it was one less person to vent to about how frustrating some of the festivities were going.  Along with that, without him here that made me the #1 asshole when I actually said something that went against the grain.  I think people were irritated with me, but I honestly don’t care what they think.  I had to put up with their crap for 27 years, and I’m sick of the same cycle that happens in the holidays.  

I went over with my sister in the morning to my aunt’s house to give out some gifts to her and my cousins (something we do every Christmas).  We tried to get there and out before my one cousin came over with her four missed abortion opportunities and her cross-eyed asshat of a husband.  They can kill any party/gathering.  They are all savages with no discipline or respect for the rest of the family.  This is the cousin of mine that thinks the entire world revolves around her ever-growing fat ass, and everyone has to bend to her every need.  If someone doesn’t, she’ll hold her own kids hostage from the rest of the family until it is done (like giver her money, buy her kids toys, since neither her or her jerkoff husband works).  I hope the rumors are true and they are moving away, that will be one less headache on the holidays.   But that just means that people will have to travel more to do all her work.  I can’t get involved due to promises I made to people, but there have been times where I have come close to getting involved, and I can tell you I was, and still am, ready for whatever consequences that resulted in my actions-including being ostracized by my family.  I am so sick of seeing how my cousin’s selfishness and ignorance has destroyed her immediate family, and my Aunt in particular.  

Overall I was pleased with all the gifts and gift cards I received, other than one is for a store that has every college team’s shirts and crap, but not Penn State’s!!!!  They have some cool other shirts, so I may get some of them in the future.  I got a nice memory foam pad for my bed, which has helped out my back a little, but it still hurts like hell. I felt bad though with all the stuff my mom bought for my sister and me.  I mean it was all nice and I could use all of, but I wished she did go out and got al this stuff for us.  I tried to get something nice for my mom, but she went all out for my sister and I this year, and I felt guilty as hell.  The same goes for my cousins, they spent too much money on me, at least more than I deserve.  I threw out a couple DVDs I was thinking of getting and my cousin and his wife got them and a cool shirt for me, which I really was pleased to get don’t get me wrong, but I just felt guilty that people go all out for me and I try to but I get outdone.

So the new years’ is upon us, and as usual I should be asleep or playing videogames when it hits midnight.  I am not into celebrating new years, seems just stupid.  It also doesn’t help I don’t have a social life to go out to parties or out with people.  Oh well, I hope that the New Year is a better one than this one was for me.  I hope at least my monetary position is better at least.  The most important thing I want this next year is something to make me happy.  I haven’t been totally happy all year, even when things are all good and I felt good, something happened to take all that away take for example when my aunt and uncle came into the city from Denver, it was all good and everyone was happy and smiling, they left and my dog died a day or two days later, which killed the mood in our house.  I guess that’s all I got to say now, it’s hard to concentrate with my XM online blasting and I’m just enjoying the tunes.  I guess I’ll end this here and maybe come back with more and better stuff in a day or two

one transit strike story

I had such a sucky day.  First I had an interview in Manhattan (really a waste of time since I already interviewed with this company for a temp job and my agency sent me there anyway).  Usually getting to the interview isn't a big deal, I'd take the train into Manhattan and be right there.  Well since the ENTIRE transit system is on strike that is out of the question.  So to get to this interview, I had my mom drive me as far as she could to the bridge closest to where I had to go (they stop cars that don’t have 4 or more in them to lessen traffic) and I had to walk over the bridge on the pedestrian/bicycle lane and then the half-mile in Manhattan to where I was supposed to go.  I was lucky that someone needed another person in their car to get over the bridge so I get a ride into Manhattan.  I go to the interview, find out it was a waste of time, then walk back to Queens.  At some point I call my mom to meet me not to far from the bridge.  So for a whole 5 minutes of an "interview", I got a huge blister on my foot and my arthritic ankle is killing me!Then when I get home, I call my temp agency to tell them how much they screwed up, and I find out that someone else was handling my account (the person I usually talk to was out), and they didn't see I already was sent to the company I had to meet with today.  Of course I don’t get an apology, just someone telling me that I should have noticed I already went to the company (which was over a month ago-and I had other things to worry about).  I didn’t get into it with them, since I really don't want to burn the bridge with them considering they have gotten me consistent assignments.

In other things going on in my life, I found on Myspace a bunch of people I went to high school with, and I’m shocked they all remembered me! So that’s been pretty cool to find out that I’m not the only one that uses Myspace.  I still haven’t really found a good use for Myspace yet, other than pimping this out to my “friends” (603 and counting), but I hear you can get laid easy on it. I haven’t really explored that part. I do know that a lot of my favorite comics and bands have pages on it and they can get the work out about shows and stuff, so that’s pretty sweet.  On top of it, a lot of the Opie and Anthony “pest” (fans of the show that are also members of wackbag.com) and Ron and Fez fans are on the site as well, and it’s cool to be in a “community with them.

The Transit Workers Union are Terrorists in disguise

I can’t believe that the savages at the TWU shut down the entire city.  I had to reschedule a job interview for tomorrow because the whole city was almost like in “mad Max” mode.  I was supposed to get a ride down by the 59th Street Bridge, then walk across it and get to where my interview was to be. (53rd and 5th Ave.) Well I didn’t bother trying since I was too tired to go (I was up until 3am waiting for this damn announcement), and I really didn’t want to try walking when I saw video of all the checkpoints.  I will be going tomorrow and I may write about the whole trip tomorrow.

The whole ordeal with this labor negotiation has gotten odder and odder each day.  First, the Union didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger and go out last Friday, then they just left the negotiations yesterday, even though the deal presented wasn’t one that they should have gotten pissed about.  Today, the court found the union in criminal contempt by having the illegal strike (under the Taylor law, city employees can’t go out on strike), and they have to pay a million dollars each day they are out.  On top of it, the MTA called for an impasse, and the next step is a mediator coming in to help sort this out.  On top of it, the Higher-ups at this union, the parent organization, is pissed to no end the local leaders of the union had this strike.  The international union wanted the local to continue negotiations and continue working.  

This pissing contest is really sad.  I can see that both sides have valid points.  The MTA wants the workers to pay more into the pension and medical coverage, something EVERYONE does now.  They also have some other requests, which aren’t too much of a big deal, but the union is really spoiled in all their benefits that they have.  On the other hand, the MTA has had such shady bookkeeping; it makes it almost impossible to know if they are in debt or rich.  They allegedly have a billion dollars surplus, but NONE of it goes to the workers.  They decide to take the money and piss it away on rubes and tourists with discounted Metrocards.  Also the MTA are real pricks when it comes to their rules (before my dad died, he told me some of the new rules and he really hated some of them).  There’s a lot more into all this, but I really don’t care, all I care is that I have to now for over a couple hours hike to a place where it would take me no more than 30 minutes to get to via train.

And to think, those savages called terrorists are probably pissed that Americans crippled a major city and not them,

two weeks later, an update

Well it’s been a week since my father passed was buried, and I still haven’t felt the gull force of him not being here.  I have felt it a little bit, like when I was expecting him to come home one night and I was going to ask him about the impending strike by MTA people, then I realized he won’t be here.  It also sort of hit me when I was with my mother at his old job, where she had to go and fill out all the paperwork for the pension and medical she will be receiving.  It was so odd being at his old job, knowing that this could be the last time I will ever have to come here or even in the area of the city where his job was located.  Tonight I have been feeling down about him not being here, but not down enough to get emotional.  All my emotional stuff I think I got over right after I was told he was gone, where I paced in front of my house for an hour both angry and scared.

For those who haven’t’ lost a father or a relative that you were so close to, I really can’t full describe how it’s like.  The best way I can say it is this; imagine the one person that you looked to for everything-advice, help, etc….now take him away before you were able to get all the answers you are looking for, and you knew that person was the only one who could have answered the questions for you in the way you could understand.  The past several days a lot of questions have came up, and I am having a hard time figuring out what the answers are.  Like I said, hard to explain what’s going on in my head.

I have been using my father’s car, and today I put in my XM equipment, which looks even more half-assed as it did in my Ford!!!  I still have to make sure all the wires and the cradle is in the place it should be, but it all works, so the important thing is right!  I have spent the past couple days shopping for gifts, and this has helped me get my head cleared up.  My family is hard to shop for, but if they don’t like what I get them, that’s their problem.  My way of shopping is odd.  I got to a store, and get a bunch of random things and when I get home, I figure out who gets what.   I find this easier than going out of my mind trying to figure out who need/wants what.

I have another interview for a job Tuesday, and it figures that the transit strike may go down that morning!!!  I haven’t worked since before my dad’s passing, and I wasn’t taking assignments since.  Mostly because my head wasn’t in it and I also wanted to make sure all the loose ends were tied up as far as my mother.  I had a couple nice ones offered to me too, but I really wasn’t mentally right to just go back to work-I don’t think I am now, but I have to get back to making some money (rather than sitting on my ass and not making any)

That’s all I got to talk about now, I may add more over the weekend

Clement F. Marus Jr. 1939-2005

This week has been the worst week I have ever had to endure.  My father passed away in his sleep early Monday morning.  I heard a sickening thud from my parent’s room and my mom was screaming for me.  I go into the room to find my father on the floor motionless and my mom losing it.  She called 911 as I was doing CPR on my dad.  After 5 minutes (but felt like 20) the EMTs, Fire Dept., and police were in my house working on him.  God bless these men because they worked their asses off for almost an hour.  In the end though they couldn’t revive him.  I don’t remember much of the next 48 hours, which I was awake through the entire time.  I still am haunted by the whole night, and I’m sure it will stay with me forever.  The only thing I can take from all this is that I am glad he died in his sleep at home, rather than suffered in pain for a long time in a hospital bed, which I have seen too many people go through.  He was so happy and excited with his job situation, and he was seriously thinking of retiring after next year.  My mom is right when she said that we were cheated.  But on the other hand, I always believe God gives you a certain amount of time on this planet to prove yourself to make it to heaven, and my dad I feel did that and much more

The next several days, my family stayed with us in shifts, my mom’s sisters were always in the house and my cousins would stop in at night to make sure we were cool.  My sister was the one handling everything as far as most of the arraignments with my dad’s job and other issues that had to be done.  My father sat her down one night and told her what exactly to do in case something like this happened.  My mom wasn’t taking all this well at first, but she eventually found the strength to make it through it all.  I also was like a rock through all this and I’m just now starting to realize what is going on.  The wake proved to me who in my family really loved the man, and also showed me all the friends he had.  It was an amazing site and one that made me feel even more proud of my father.  We had the mass and the burial Friday, where it snowed all morning, but when we got to the cemetery, it was sunny.  The person form the funeral home handling the services at the cemetery ended the service with the Irish Blessing.  My mom was so pleased to hear it, and I swear my dad did that just to tell my mom it’s going to be all right (and I think he made the sun shine as well).  

Today my sister and I started to get most of the decorations up in the house, something my dad would have wanted.   He never could stand families that wouldn’t celebrate the holidays in their house if there was a death close to the holidays.  My mom also mentioned that we will still have Christmas at our house this year, again because it would be something my dad would want.  I’m proud of my mom for this, and I feel motivated to make the house look as good as my dad does for the holidays.

This whole thing made me realize how much for granted I took the fact that my dad always called my cousins and other relatives. Another thing that made me feel like this was seeing some of my relatives that came into town for my father’s funeral (one came form Denver to represent my aunt and uncle, which really put him high up on my “cool” list).  I now realize that I should make sure that I continue to keep in contact with them.  I’m going to start this with my Christmas cards this year, where I will put all my contact information in it as well as mention a person thank you for being there for myself and my family through all this.  I also decided that when I get the money, I plan to get a PDA/Blackberry device so I can have all their info with me in one spot (and also have it as a newer cell phone, my old one is getting beaten up).  

How am I handling all that has happened?  OK I guess.  I am starting to realize what is happening.  The past week was such a blur and I was so focused to make sure my sister and mom were ok, and I have yet to rally start to grieve.  I have had some small moments where I felt it really hit me, but I have yet to have the full impact.  The other night I was in the basement getting my laundry from the machine, where I saw my dad’s tool-chest and realized “My god, those are all mine now!”  This is a big deal to me, since a good part of those tools are also my grandfathers’, and I cherish them and hold those tools in a mindset that those are a part of my family’s history.  Tonight before I started writing this, those questions started to creep into my head: What the hell do I do now? How am I going to get through all this? How am I going to make sure that everything is fine and that money wise I can help support this house?  I haven’t dwelled on these questions yet since I don’t feel ready yet.  This week I hope to get a lot of the loose ends all done with my mom, and maybe the week after I can get back to a job or something (my agency has been real cool with the whole situation, saying when I am ready to call them for work).  

I don’t’ know what’s next for me, but I hope that there is something in the cards of life that will help me feel better and secure in all that I do.  I am supposed to be the rock in the family, but it’s hard to be when the foundation is taken from under me without warning.   To steal a cliché, I just have to take all this one day at a time.  

I ask all of you to do this: next time you see your parents, hug them and make sure you spend as much time as you can, because you never know how much more time you have with them

BE MY FRIEND!!!!

http://www.myspace.com/evilpete66 


I got a myspace site again (had one a while ago, but got rid of it).  It’s just something fun to have, maybe Ill get some ass out of it!!!  If you have one of these and wanna be my friend, you know what to do and post some comments ya bastards!!!!

Not much new going on, just happy my paycheck showed up.  This week I’m going shopping for Christmas gifts. Not much else happening so I’m just leaving it at that and I really wanted to whore my myspace page here….

so far, at least they haven't gotten rid of me...

Well it’s been a while since I wrote here.  I’ve been a little busy with this nightmare of an assignment.  Monday I had to help with the creating of the board meeting literature, which really wasn’t bad since everything that was really needed was either a Word, Excel, or PowerPoint file, and I had to print them and piece them together with some table of contents pages and some title pages I had to make for each part.  The only hard part was actually putting the presentations together.  The worst part was I had to bind the presentations together, and the machine to make the holes for the spiral spine fucked up a lot of the pages and half of the booklets looked bad.  The morning of the meeting, I had to run back and forth to Staples and figure out what to do.  Well the CEO said to get the large-capacity report cover type things.  I get them, put the reports into them and things are over.  The CEO seemed cool about everything and was more freaked out about me being all stressed out.  

After that fiasco, he asked me in the afternoon to FedEx something for him.  The problem is I never used FedEx before.  I freaked out a bit, then called FedEx and they guided me through the whole thing, and I got the thing ready for shipping by the end of the day.  It got delivered (according to FedEx’s site).  I spent the past two days going through the FedEx site and the old emails on my computer (someone else’s emails, but I work on her computer) and eventually found the password and ID for the online shipping option.  I plan on using that now, since it’s faster and neater to do.  Friday I am supposed to send out two of these presentations to Israel, where two of the board members are.  I hope that with the online shipping program that it can help get al the paperwork done for it.  I also have to get there early to go get the bagels, coffee and all that crap for a staff meeting in the morning, and this was finally told me tonight as I was leaving.  I’m getting to the office at 8am, and the place where I’m getting the food is next door in the building, and I hope that I get everything by the 9:15 meeting.

The thing about this assignment that bugs me is that everything I need is there to do the job, but no one knows where or how it is used at their place!!! Take the FedEx thing for example.  I had to had-write the label for the shipment, but if I had the ID and password, I could have had all that done on the computer much faster and it would have been printed out ready to go much sooner.  Tomorrow should be fun, because it’s being shipped internationally, which I have no clue about.  I don’t’ know if I have to fill out more paperwork or what, but I think the online shipping program on the FedEx will help me out with that...or at least I hope.

Oh well, with the extra time I did on all this crap, I’m getting some overtime.  If they dispute it, I’ll just leave.  I have no problem just not showing up if they refuse to pay my overtime.

Other than that nothing else is gong on.  Maybe this weekend I’ll write something more about my life other than work.

Until then, later y’all!!!!