Its amazing what one can figure out when they think about it long enough. My job is at a point where it can become routine, and that means my mind is free to think about other things all day. Today I thought about last week and how I took the blame for all that happened, saying I was the problem. After further review, I may have changed my stance on it a bit.

I realize that I take a lot of things on my shoulder, and sometimes that's the blame. I don't know I just choose to sometimes. In life, one is where they are after the choices/actions they make or do. My mind works in a way where I do what's the best or right choice to make in a situation. I don't look at what I do is good or bad, and I am sick of being called a good person or good guy. I am suck of it since most of the times I have heard it usually is a front for a lie as to why someone is about to tell me, and they think saying that to justify or make them feel better about what they are about to say. Anyway that's another story.

My past choices in my life have been wonderful, and horrible as well. No one put a gun to my head to help out my family for months on end, where it meant I gave up looking for work (which wasn't exactly cool with my parents up until a month or so before the situation ended). I did what I did because I felt it was the right thing to do. It was the right thing in the end since the comfort, support, and help did make things easier for my family, and I think I gained a lot more respect form my dad.

No one forced me to send hand-written letters and gifts to someone I cared for when I couldn't see her due to allegedly a family issue and her job issue, I did it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Granted in this situation it was the wrong choice, since this person used her alleged gimmick of her job and family as an excuse to break things off, even though I was told by her she wouldn't this time hence she lied about herself or was hiding her seeing someone else behind my back-her gimmick was believable, why wouldn't it be plausible she would take advantage of it? But this was someone from Jersey, and apparently the world revolves around them and if things go bad, it's NEVER their fault!!! they pass the buck onto everything else, including the victim.

Finally I wasn't forced to take things slow with the last person I dated-the one that “broke me” last week. I chose to because I thought she was an awesome person and wanted to see where things could go. She gave me the impression she felt the same way, so I trusted her. Well, I learned last week in all the talking and dating we did, which was about 3 weeks, her intentions were a lie. She didn't honestly feel the same way, and was stringing me along while she “got over her ex” that she broke up with a week before we started talking. I say she wasn't into it the whole time because as she was explaining things, she was making smartass remarks and laughing, which should tell you how serious she took things.

So what did I learn? I learned that although I have to take responsibility for where I am due to the choices/actions I made, others in the “equation” have to as well. I can't take all the blame for all the things that went wrong, and act that these lying pieces of trash have no part in the problem. They have as much as if not more responsibility that things went down the drain.

I also learned to not put my trust in people in general, at least not right away. Women, and this is where people claim my alleged anger to them comes out, I have to be even more careful. See, women are allowed to lie more than men. Their form of lying is called flirting, where they are allowed to lie a bit to get something they want. In this society this is for the most part is ok. If a guy does something like this, he's either charming if it's good, manipulative if it's bad. I”ve learned to take all flirting, or anything said to me as 10% of their word, it's their choice to work and prove that the other 90% is true. If I sound jaded, I guess I am, but it's a choice I make, and I can live with it.

Ah, this weekend was an interesting time. Spent Friday night in the house with my bottle of Jager, had several shots (somewhere between 8-12, lost count), and watched TV and played video games. Along with this also texing back and forth with a friend about her dating situation (why do the taken ones go to the single ones for advice-there's a reason we are single and that should be a sign to NOT take said advice, but whatever). While playing video games, I took out most of my team in one game, had several crimes foiled in another, and although still kept my unbeaten streak going in a third game, it took me longer to knock out my opponent. After a while, and enjoying the feeling of several shots, I decided to go to bed, and next thing I know I woke up Saturday morning.

Saturday, I got up and didn't have a real hangover. Did have a little bit of a headache but nothing that i'd call crippling. Well that afternoon, I went with some people to the “bodies” exhibit. If you haven't heard of it, its an exhibit about the human body and all the systems of it, but the catch is that all that is shown is real and authentic. The bodies and the parts are preserved in some way to keep it intact. It's controversial about how the bodies were acquired, something about the bodies being homeless and former Chinese prisoners, and they did look asian. I didn't find it nearly as creepy as I thought it would be. Sure there is some bit of creepiness (after all, these are real dead bodies), but it was done in a somewhat tasteful way. The only thing that I found remotely bothersome was the babies part of the exhibit. The part that bothered me was the fetus at 24 weeks. It bothered me because that was around the stage my sister was prematurely born. My sister was about the size of a barbie doll, and had to be on these machines for months. In fact, my mom has a picture of her and my Dad next to the incubator my sister was in. Somehow she turned out ok, despite she was on tight rope where she could have died or had some major issue, but she turned out ok. It's just something that hit me when I saw that fetus. Overall it's an interesting event to see.

South Street Seaport, where the event was, has changed from when I was a kid. It's “jerseyfied”, meaning that it's more like a mall than a historical tourist attraction. When I was a kid, all there was down there were small shops or museums and maybe a small restaurant or two. Today there are chain stores you would find in suburbia. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe salty sailors did shop at the Gap, J. Crew, or the Bath and body shop. Those are stores who I first think of sailors as their cliental. After the show, we all went the Heartland Brewery (something not really fitting for the area, but they are around the city near major attractions), and had dinner. If you are ever in NYC, this is one of the better restaurants to eat at, and as I said they are close to attractions so it's convenient for tourists/rubes/hayseeds. Anyway the food was good, and the beer is not that bad either. They make their own, and a lot of their blends are quite tasty. After dinner, we all went to see the biggest waste of time-the waterfalls. These “art” pieces are put all along the East river, and all they are nothing more than a bunch of pipes shooting water out to look like a waterfall. They were supposed to be lit up, but weren't. Anyway after a couple oohs and ahs, I went home (while on my way home had to help my friend out again via texts), had some more Jager (on top of the beer I drank, I was feeling pretty damn good), and tried to watch the RBNY game on TV, but I decided to go to bed, and slept for 12 hours. I am pissed I didn't get to record the “Lazlow show”, but I'll listen to it when he puts the MP3s up on his site.

So Sunday was just a day of rest. Did some laundry, helped friends out with their issues, and watched some of the Euro finals on TV. Also did some thinking, and decided to get my TV stand this week. Also reflected on what others told me the past couple days, from the support of my friends and I shouldn't give up, to those who suggest I should seek help (which came up several times). Eh, overall I'm in a better mindset compared to last week, and I am cool with what has happened. I am who I am, and I accept it.

A couple things I found on the net that lifted my spirits a little. Not a whole lot but feeling a little better compared to the last entry here. I also figure I would write here before the weekend, since Friday night I may be deep into my bottle of Jager and not in the position to write something.

first off, Lazlow show is this weekend. XM202, 9pm. IF you don't get Xm, go to Lazlow.com later next week to download the show. Even go now and get the last show and check it out. if you like it get the box set he sells to get all the great shows he's done.

also some quick links:
some funny jokes about women

some axioms

that's all I got tonight

Man this whole week has been nothing short of a clusterfuck so far. It seems with the move to the new place, and the fact that the old big building is moving out, that means more and more meetings/conferences are being put in my building. The past couple days has felt like I was trying to fit 10 lbs. of shit into a 5 lbs. bag. On top of my usual work, the meetings that they schedule for my building are “in-house” ones, where I have to make the coffee and supply everything. Problem is that these take time to setup, and when I have two of them, and two other setups form catering companies, not to mention my usual duties, it's almost getting out of hand. Luckily yesterday I was able to speak to one of my bosses, and he assured me that things will be taken care of if things get out of hand and as far as extra supplies to handle the extra load. But despite this small amount of good news, I still have had to deal with equipment not working, and just people not doing that they need to do as well as having some odd attitude.

On top of all this crap, last night was the straw that broke the camel's back and has had me in a bad mood all day. Long story short, I was told that something that has been going on the past couple weeks was based on a lie, and I was sold a bill of goods. After getting this news, it made me think about a lot of things. In short I came to realize I am a problem. See this person who lied to me hasn't been the first, and in all honestly it is no different than all those I dated in the past 2 years. All of them have told me they had to stop seeing me because of either some career issue, issue over an ex, or one even went as far as saying about their sick family members and their job. In reality I have come to realize that these are all excuses to get out of things with me. to add insult to injury, they lie to me saying how i am a great guy, how cute and funny I am, etc.. Really? Am I? If so, why the hell are they quick to get rid of me if I am so great?

the past two years in all my dating has had one constant-Me. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that I must be the problem given all that has happened. I figure the best way to solve this problem is to take the problem out of the equation. I am taking myself out of the equation of the whole dating thing. Not to find myself or any BS like that, but because I”m so burnt out of all the BS. I”ve tried so many ways to tackle dating/relationships, but it has all either been wrong or not good enough, so why even bother anymore?

How long will I stay out of the loop? Who knows. Maybe a short time, maybe forever. Thanks to those who have contributed to me making this choice. (I know some of you still read this) Good job people! Should be proud of all you have done and get a sense of joy out of it.

So like Pink Floyd sang about, the Walls are going up. Friday night I have a bottle Jagermeister in the freezer to help me celebrate this decision, and maybe help me forget how much of a nightmare this week has been. Hell I might put on “The Wall” just to listen to it.

I just got in from seeing “You Do Not Mess With the Zohan”. It was your typical Adam Sandler movie, so to me it was a great film. It was really crude, and had more Jewish/Arab jokes in it that even I was going “damn he went there, if I said that I'd be called racist”. It had the usual cameos you'd expect from Adam Sandler's group of fans, and they were used right. I liked this movie, but it still doesn't top “Happy Gilmore” or “The Waterboy”. Adding to the overall nice movie experience was that the rain didn't stay too long (more of a flash storm-type thing), and the company I was with at the movie, hopefully agrees that the movie experience was nice as well (better-I did pay for it!!).

Ok, now onto a repeating subject/theme of this blog: If I was given the option of having a nice job with good pay but had to live in Jersey, or having parts of me kicked over and over again with a boot with a nail on the end, I would stand up and say give me your best kicks. Seriously, there's a reason Jersey is called the “armpit” of the nation, and the more and more I am forced to go there the rage for most of the people there grows. Put it this way, Three pro teams in the state doesn't want to affiliate with Jersey and still call themselves “New York”. This time, the jackasses at Giants Stadium overbooked the complex, so whatever parking lot my group was supposed to meet up in was either closed or being used for some dogshit event. They had the “Jersey State fair”, a concert at the arena, and their flea market-of in Jersey terms, designer boutiques-and the soccer game that night. I had to wait with some friends for the flea market to clean up, and after the lot was cleaned, had to wait another half hour before the jerkoffs finally opened it up. They said they had to wait for the call to open it-mind you the line of cars waiting to get in was clogging up the road and causing a safety hazard, not like these pigs new anything about safety or even hygiene). Seriously, why does it feel like Iqs drop like a rock when people move into the state.

On the bright side, I wasn't the only one suffering. My cousin had to be in Jersey as well. But he had to go to the even trashier part of that fine state, Central Jersey. His in-laws were down there, and all he had to look around at their place were-this may shock some-shopping centers, Wawas, and just human trash that act like they contribute to society. That at least gave me some peace.

I almost didn't go to the game, that's how pissed I was about the stadium and their shittiness. i was told of some friends who were going to hang out and drink that night in a bar, and i really had to think about if i wanted to drive back. I will say this, I speed and just rocket back to the city and try to minimize my stay in the state. At least the stadium is in the middle of nowhere, so my interaction with the locals is minimal. The new place in a year or so will be all trains for me, so interaction may be even less beyond “hey get me a beer and some food” at one of the restaurants by the stadium.

One more thought; who has a bigger hardon than Jack White after hearing the crowds at Euro 2008 doing “Seven Nation Army” every game. It's a cool song that's stuck in my head. I remember doing that with the ESC, but we sang the words “fuck, DC United” to it, not just go “bom, bom bom, bom bom bom”, but it does make a cool sound in the stadiums. Also it's just awesome seeing the supporters sections at these games, especially the wall of orange when the dutch played. Soccer and HDTV go well together.

This week made me realize that I really do not fear a whole hell of a lot. I was on an elevator that suddenly came to a sudden stop, and even dropped slightly. It took about 45 minutes for the mechanics to get me and the other guy out of the car. Later that day I ran into the mechanic and he mentioned how amazed he was that I was so calm and not freaking out. I did realize the whole I could have died thing if the elevator car fell during the whole time, but it didn't make me nervous or anything. I just hung out in the car (like there was anything else I could fucking do in an elevator car), and eventually it got over with. I was actually more worried that my job wasn't getting done with me in the goddamn elevator.

A couple days later, I was talking to a good friend of mine about a situation she is in with her boyfriend. At one point she brought up how out-of-shape she is when the guy does things “to make her feel better”. I brought up that she may be intimidated by guys like that (and me), who are ones who actually follow through with what they say. See, I come to the realization tat women are taught form the start to always treat whatever a man says is a lie. When someone like me comes along and actually shows that I am not bullshitting them, that scares them and knocks them on their asses, and therefore makes them feel intimidated by me. That makes them have to step up and prove themselves that they are deserving of me. Many have tried, but none have yet to take full advantage of the opportunity.

This leads me to the last point i wanted to write about. I have been noticing that some from my past see to be snooping around her and other places to see what's up with me. Yeah, I got my ways to find out these things. Granted this is a “public” thing for all to view, but I still find the fact that they would do that a tad creepy but more sad and simply pathetic. I don't pine over my exes, I can care less what is going on with them. For all I know thy could be having a train pulled on them every weekend. One could say that maybe they are just still interested in me and want to see how I am doing. Really? so that's why they told me to piss off when they did, or they didn't do what they should have done to keep me around them. Maybe they are just fans of this thing. That's fine provided that they realize that they are nothing more than a stat to me reading this.

I think some of them are looking at this and looking at my myspace profile since they miss me, and realize that what I told them, that I am the best man a woman could ever have, was right. And after going out with boys who are at best second-rate, they want to see if they have a chance to get back with me. Well, just to save some people some time, don't bother thinking that and piss off. You had your chance and you only get one. For some reason we are not talking, and there is nothing that is going to make me talk to you again. One of my biggest mistakes in my life was to try to see if something I thought was so special could be re-sparked, but it ended in a clusterfuck that put me in a position where several relationships of mine were really strained to a point where I still feel absolute anger that I let it get to that point, but it really forced me to re-evaluate myself. I will never take anyone back anymore. Like I said, you only get one chance with me, make the best of it. Anyone who wants to challenge this is open to do so, just be warned that I can and will take things, and those who know me may not like what I would say, but shouldn't be shocked that when pushed I could be vicious and take things to levels that can scare me.

Oh, and those who thing I'm trying to be funny with this post, I ain't fucking joking. I'm being serious today, and those who don't take what I said seriously will find out how serious I am. I mean it when I feel that I am the best man a woman can ever have. It's not being cocky, I know who I am and where I am.

Just thought I would put some quotes I have heard in my life, and many of which I live my life by. I told you of the newest one “Never treat anyone as a priority when you are only an option”, but here are several ones I like and take to heart.

“Beat me if you can, Survive if I let you”-former pro wrestler Taz

“Don't think you are, know you are”-from the movie “the Matrix”

“To be the man, You have to beat the man”-former pro wrestler Ric Flair

“Pity is a four-letter word, and so is quit..”-from the Sevendust song, “Feed”

“Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the question.” -former pro wrestler Roddy Piper

“Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat”-Former Pro wrestler, and former Governor of Minnesota Jesse “The body” Ventura

“If it feels right, go with it”-someone from my past who told me this.

Finally an evil thought: I thought of this seeing all the Iowa flood footage, and how much of the flooding is of biblical proportions. I thought there has to be some Republicans in their party that want to run an ad that says:

“Iowa voted for Obama to win in their primary, Iowa suffered possibly the worst natural disaster in history, Do you want that to happen to you? vote for John McCain, the candidate for President of the United States of America, and save yourself from the wrath of the lord for your sinful choices”


Fucked up, but you know this is going through the heads of some of these bible-thumping jackasses. You know the one that said what happened to New Orleans was due to the sin of the French Quarter...but oops the French Quarter was safe form most of the damage.....

Today's Father's day, and I hope those who have Fathers (or know who he is) did take sometime to say something nice to him...or at the very least didn't say anything as mean as you usually do to him. This year I know a bunch of new fathers I got a call from a new father this afternoon and we were talking how his life changed. It was cool to talk to him, since my dumbass didn't get to call him since his daughter's birth due to schedule and quite honestly laziness. He sounded good, considering he is a new first time father. Also today went to my dad's grave, where I put some flowers on it, and said my prayer. Overall it was a good time, though still sad that I have to visit him there and not at home alive. It's gotten easier somewhat to go up there, but I doubt it will ever become “easy” to go there.

This morning it hit me that I also know some who have lost their fathers this past year as well. I was going to contact a couple of them, particularly one who I haven't talked to in months and just to be the nice guy and all, but I chose not to. I chose not to because I refuse to feel bad for everyone else anymore, and I also found a quote from someone that I feel sums up how I feel about people now. it's “Never make someone a priority when you are only an option!”. I read this and it just struck me funny, but it is as true as anything I have ever read. This can apply to any type of relationships you have, professional, personal, or family. After reflecting on this quote again, I chose not to even think of contacting this person, and that means ever again. It was a calming feeling to come to this point, and I feel much better. Gotta thank the person who did bring this quote to my attention, it has helped me look at a lot of things in a better light.

Last night at the Beer Garden was a fun time. It wasn't as crowded as it was the last time I was there, but there was a good crowd out there. It was supposed to be a guys-only thing, but someone had to invite their chick, so they all came along as well. Despite this, it turned out to be ok. I didn't get to be as obnoxious as I wanted to be. to show you what I mean, this is what I emailed some friends about who iI was going to b (yes the name is “drew”, that was going to be my alias):

“Well Drew will let you stand next to him, just that Drew demands you do not look at Drew directly. Drew will allow you to speak to Drew, provided you address Drew in the proper way where you ask for Drew's time, and also say thank you after Drew is done speaking, because you should always be grateful for any knowledge that Drew gives out to the less fortunate. Also Drew asks that you do not stand so close to Drew, since Drew does not need or want anyone messing up Drew's chi.”


Yes I am an ass, but I find it funny, and I make others laugh so it's all justified. but to show how much of a good guy I am, I had to play surrogate hubby last night for my cousin's wife, since my cousin had a tummy ache and could make it. I made sure it was all good with her, and even got her home (Hell, bonus points for me that the right Filipino chick was delivered!) I got there and everyone else was showing up later than I thought. Eventually one person showed up, and that was after I was a pitcher deep. Eventually everyone trickled in, and the party was on. Had a good amount of beer, and some kick ass food (their food is awesome). We all leave, and eventually I got back to my cousin's, and realized it was almost 3 AM (damn time flies when you are having fun).

One thing that happened last night really blew my mind. A lot of those I was hanging out with were telling me how much they enjoy reading this stuff. They were telling me how they liked one entry, or how they found another one really funny. I don't look for compliments from others, I don't desire attention from others, that's not why I write this. It was a nice feeling to hear all that. So I guess I have to thank them, and all that read this who haven't talked to me about all this. I appreciate those who do read this thing.

Oh, just to shut up one of my more rounder friends, he came in all pimped out in a fly-ass cape, and had all the interns form his job who were there for a going away party all over him...but still didn't even get close to get anything.

Just throwing up some thoughts before the weekend.

First, German has to be the least sexiest language. I heard a couple tourist talking in German and it's just an ugly language. It always sound angry or demanding. Dirty talk in German must end up sounding like a rape or some form of sexual assault.

The worlds most overrated director, M. Night Shamanan (don't care if his name is spelt right or not), has a new movie out today. From the previews it looks like it stinks, and I wonder if the big twist in the end is that it actually is good. Actually the big twist is That the mysterious problem killing the people is the plants and trees are causing a neurotoxin because the environment is fighting back against humanity after all the damage they have done. OOOH, did I just spoil the movie for anyone??? Maybe I did, maybe not. Maybe I am talking out of my ass, or maybe I care about all you people enough to try and save you money and time from seeing another piece of garbage from someone who is nothing more than an flash in the pan, glorified PA.

that's it...time to get drunk

I”m just throwing something up here even though I am way too hot to really think of anything really witty or funny here. I really, really, really, hate this weather. I don't do well in the heat, and I am even more crankier now. I am glad I picked up a mew A/C, now my room is nice and cold so i can sleep. At my job, it's nice one building I work in cranked up the A/C to make it somewhat bearable, especially given that this week is really busy with several week-long large meetings. The other building on the other hand...well I walked in, saw the thermostat readout that read it's a brisk 84 degrees on that floor. I seriously hope I get the hell out of that building soon, since I felt for awhile now that the building is form hell, now it's starting to feel just like hell on the inside.

This weekend is Father's day, and I'm celebrating it the same way I have celebrated it the past several years-going to the grave sites of my Dad and Grandfather. The more years that go by, the more “numb” I feel. Not as far as Apathy, but I don't get torn up about going up there to see the sites. maybe it's just the process that I am moving on, I don't know. On the bright side, Friday night I am going to the Beer Garden again. Should be a fun time. Hopefully no messes come up again and sloppily hit on some of my friends....”Drew” won't be pleased.

I do have to see if they have this beer on tap there:

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=83937

I am writing this on 2 hours sleep, but the lack of sleep was worth it. Spent all day in Giants Stadium's parking lot tailgating for the US-Argentina game (natural spot to be in 100 degree weather-in and asphalt parking lot). It was a good time, as usual. Especially with the people from around the country in to see the game. The variety of food was fantastic. I found it interesting (and good) that everyone drank much more water than alcohol, there was thoughts that some moron was going to try to just get hammered, and honestly if someone did seeing the weather, he deserved what he would have gotten. Anyway it was a good day, and a hell of a night. The US section was ruled by the ESC, with a little help from the NE fans, but for the most part, the “supporters” stood (and sat-a big no no in the section, you want to sit, go somewhere else) and looked like slack-jawed yokels. It was really annoying, considering that it was known that is you are in a supporters section, you have to get into the game and not just be an onlooker. The US team played like they were the best team, not the Argentines, and form what I understand, the pro-Argentina crowd weren't as loud or nuts like I heard about (again-all talk no show). The US almost won the game, and had the chances to, but it ended in a goalless draw. It was cool that the skies opened up 10 minutes left in the game, and it energized both the section and the teams. It also cooled off the air, which was nice when I was waiting for the traffic to die down a couple hours after the game (Giants Stadium is an abomination traffic wise-the worst stadium in the nation).

I saw the new Iphone, and I WANT IT. I've wanted to get one for a while, but just haven't. I may in the end just get it and have two phones, since changing over from Verizon would be a ball busting time (especially since my mom is on my phone account and she isn't really into the idea to switch somewhere else). I would stay with Verizon if they offered the phone, but they don't. Quite honestly, Verizon can sick a giant cock as far as I am concerned. They are anti-Mac since anything that is related to computers on their phones (outside of their website), is totally incompatible with Macs, and their customer service people flat out stick their noses up to Mac people. I asked them about some software on one of their phones and how I can use it on my Mac, and the moron said “Get a PC and get rid of the Mac.” That's the attitude I have to deal with as a subscriber??

They could have had the Iphone, but these jerkoffs thought their V-cast store was better than Apple/Itunes (that's the big reason Verizon passed on the Iphone-they had to have Itunes on the phone and not V-Cast). Seeing all the MSN crap on their site, I guess who also had a say in the choice to give up millions of subscribers (both new ones and ones that jumped ship). I tried V-cast, and after 10 minutes in the store I demanded Verizon to take the free trial off of my phone. Outside of their signal coverage, there isn't anything really special about Verizon that makes me say I really would be missing them if I did go with AT&T

The Puerto Rican Day Parade is Sunday, and as usual the stores on 5th Ave. look like they are ready for a Hurricane rather than a parade. Every year some story is made about this, like how racist it is and how this never is done when the St Pats parade happens. Well, During the St. Pats day parade, most in the crowd don't act like fucking animals and destroy shit just because, and also the people at the St. Pats Parade don't gang rape women in the crowd. Also there isn't any gang violence in the crowd either. Then again, The Irish don't have local gangs march in the parade, like how the Puerto Ricans have the Latin Kings march in theirs. Still I should go one year to the parade, since there has to be at least one chick there with a nice ass and low self-esteem.

I have a lot of fun with one toy on my keychain. No, not that kind of toy. It's the TV-B-Gone. It's a little thing that has all the “off” codes for most TV manufacturers. I think I have to put a new battery in mine, since it doesn't work at some distances, but when it does work it's funny. Some banks have TVs in their windows for example. The one on the first floor of one of my buildings I work in, and oddly one or both in the front window are off in the morning. The funniest time I used my TV-B-Gone was in front of the entrance of “Top of the Rock”. There are 9 TVs in a 3X3 pattern with promo videos of Rockefeller Center running non-stop. Well for some reason most shut off out of the blue one afternoon, and it was funny seeing the guy who works for “top of the Rock” freak out when they did turn off, then try to restart them. They don't work on some TVs, like the ones more monitors than TVs. But it is fun to use to mess with people.

Today there must have been something in the air. It seems some of the people I have to work around in my building were bigger douchebags than usual. It just seemed like their attitudes were bad today, and downright insulting. It was over stupid things, but they made it seem bigger than it was. It made me think about these people, and their sense of entitlement they have. They think that due to the fact that they work for the Bank, they have some right to have all that they are given by the company. They want their coffee fresh, and turn their nose up if they hear the coffee is more than 45 minutes older, and my favorite is when something is slightly different in the office pantries due to maybe when things are cleaned they aren't put back EXACTLY how it was before, and the people look confused as to what to do. I think I figured out why they have their attitude. They are so insecure about their job and life, they they get their jollies acting like they have some power over me or my co worker.

See, these people are mostly lowly programmers for software for the company. They don't really mean a whole hell of a lot when it comes to revenue generated by the various parts of the company. The traders are the “moneymen” in the company, and whatever they want they get. I have not worked with traders, but I hear that although it is a lot of work, they aren't as primadonnas like the people I have to deal with, all that matters is that what they want for caffeine is there. They get a lot of special privileges and supplies, but they aren't complete assholes and just want what they want available. But I came to this conclusion about job titles and the alleged power that comes with them.

Here's a rule: If the actual title of your job doesn't have a verb in it, as on it actually says what you DO in your position, or you can't fully describe what you do in one simple sentence, your real title is “Overrated shit job”. I'm not ashamed to have that. My actual title is “Maintenance Specialist-Office Services”. When someone has a job that's title is nothing more than “Overrated shit Job” I find a lot of people are really insecure about this and they try to overcompensate that they don't have a real job title by barking a lot louder than their bite can do, hence they bully others around. Take a look around your job, and I'm sure you can see people who are like this. Sometimes it's not that easy to tell these people to go fuck themselves, or show them that they have no power or influence, or at least not as much as they believe they have. Best way to handle these douches is to simply do the job you are supposed to do, and just ignore their bitching and complaining. You take their supposed power away from them and show you can see through their vail of bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, I found something on my computer that made me laugh and realize also how insecure some are and what they do to hide it. I was talking to this one chick about a month ago, and we had talked on and off for a while. She IMed me out of the blue one night and we start talking. For the next couple weeks, she's really testing my “two days, two days, done” rule (look in another entry a while back to find out about that), by showing me just enough to make me still give a shit. I ask her out a couple times, she says she's busy (and here's the hint I should have gotten-if she did mean what she said, she would have figured out a time to meet or talk in depth beyond a text or two). I ask her to call me a few times after getting her voicemail the times I called, and she didn't, almost acting like she didn't take me serious or treating me like I was second-class. Well Mother's day weekend I tell her to call me, and she doesn't. I find out from her that she went out on a date with an ex of hers she ran into the night before. After that I tell her off and express my issues with her and how I feel she is handling herself, and haven't heard back from her.

See, she was a really big girl years ago, hence her self-esteem was non existent. Then she had the stomach stapling surgery. Usually what happens then is that the new, hot chick with no self-esteem will cocktease or act like a mattress for many guys to make up for the lack of self-esteem. This particular chick was one that would tease many guys since she was “saving” herself for marriage and was trying to find the perfect lapdog, errr....man (she was a tad gullible as far as life went). Now she probably looked at me as someone who should get in back of the line of all her men (like how most Long Island trash treat gullible men), but I view myself (and I even told her) that I am the greatest man a woman could ever have (yeah you read that right, call me arrogant, but I know me and I know I am what I said), but she didn't take me seriously to prove that, and now she lost her opportunity.

Best part is that, like most stomach stapling patients, she apparently had one to many ho-hos and stretched that stomach out a bit, seeing the pictures of her from when she had the procedure to now, she's taken up more and more of the frame. Only thing that kept me around a little longer than I should was that I'm a sucker for pretty eyes, and she did have some nice brown ones....but she acted like a big brown one so that all got negated.

did a little updating on the right side of the page, put new links up, took some down, check it out.

Ah, just shaved and looked at myself in the mirror, and damn I look good. Then again I always look good so me saying that I look good is a moot point. Also women are all intimidated by my good looks, at least that's the theory I am running on. Anyway looks like the presidential race is finally set, with Obama getting enough delegates to represent the Democrats and now he faces McCain who represents the Republicans. All this talk about delegate counts and popular votes, mean nothing. All that stuff is in an election is a front for the Illuminati, and the people who are of the Illuminati will pull the strings to make it look like a legit election, even though they already have the next president picked out. Remember the Illuminati run the country behind the scenes, and the idea of a free election is just something to appease the common people to make them think they have a say in the country's matters. Look at all the politicians and their backgrounds. They all are in the same clubs back in college, and their social circle is a small group of the elite in this country. Call it coincidence if you want, but I see the truth.

I am finally over that monster cold I had. It's the cold I usually get when the weather changes greatly. That means now it's going to stay warm for the next few months. It looks like it's going to get really hot soon, so that means I have to break out the A/C. This year I am getting myself a new one. Not for some stupid, but honorable, reason like new ones are better for the environment, but my old one sounds like a jet engine when it turns on, and vibrates in my window-which is so soothing at night when you have to get up at 3 in the fucking morning. While I'm out, I'm also going to look at home theater systems for the living room. I have my Apple TV hooked up and all my video game systems all hooked up, now all I need is some bad ass audio to complete it.

Ed McMahon is going to have his house foreclosed. What a sad state of this country when he is homeless and also a good lesion what alcoholism can do to one in life.

Finally, I was given a site by someone that makes me proud the US won World War II. Let's just say its a video site, and one small detail wasn't told to me about it. On the main page, some videos (mostly German and Japanese Videos) are on it occasionally where one person is “shamed” in the most degrading way one can think a person can be shamed. It's stuff like this that makes me realize that whoever loses a war takes it hard psychologically, and they can't get over it and always feel lower than the victor (well, not economically since Germany and Japan are kicking the US's ass in economic matters-Oh wait they have no defense budget pay for since we protect them). Like I said, I'm glad that the US won the war, and the porn in our country is for the most part normal.

A couple things I wanted to write:

First, MMA rules. CBS showed a prime-time event of promotion EliteXC''s fighters. For the most part the fights were ok, though the Robbie Lawler/Scott Smith fight should not have ended due to that poke in the eye and the doctor stopped the fight. The Kimbo Slice/James Thompson fight I didn't see due to me forgetting to add time after the original end time on my DVR. I did get to see clips of the fight, and it looked like the fight was fixed. Kimbo should have lost the fight when her was pounded in the head over and over, but he got a lucky shot on Thompson's already swollen ear, which exploded into a huge bloody mess. The chick fight was cool, but I see women's MMA going the way of women's boxing-one or two stars, no one else, one superfight, and then it all goes to obscurity.

Sunday night was WEC's big event. WEC is owned by the UFC, and is more the lighter weight classes. It is an exciting product, mostly like the lighter weights in boxing, the fighters are more aggressive and exciting. The event was pretty good, The only fights worth mentioning were the title fights, which were probably some of the best fights I've seen in a while. Faber/Pulver really showed what MMA is all about, and it went the distance. Maeda/Torres was another good fight, cut short due to Maeda's eyes swelling shut from all the shots to it. Still was a good event, just thought the other fights were ho-hum, nothing really showstealing like the Elite XC fight had, where at least 2 of the televised matches could have stolen the show in Kimbo didn't destroy a man's ear.

Best part is all the boxing “experts” saying how MMA is garbage and it's just a fad, and Boxing is the true sport....really? is it? that's why boxing event PPV ratings are going down, and MMA's is skyrocketing. If boxing wasn't so boring now, especially in Heavyweight classes, where it's “punch, punch, clinch for 20 seconds” for every round, in every match. Boxing is dying, and MMA is the new great combat sport.

My final thought: seeing the pictures of the “Sex and the City” premiere at some of the theaters around the city, I came to the realization that the movie led to the female version of Trekkies or any film that leads to LARPING and a unhealthy obsession with a film series or any sci-fi entity. Only difference is that Trekkies and LARPERS still look like they have more dignity than the women on line for that flick.

Ah what a weekend. I spent Friday night at the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria with some friends and family. It's a large outdoor space in an Octoberfest setup-rows of benches, standing areas, beer by the pitcher, grill, and a stage area, We got there and it was packed. We were lucky to get a spot to stand and put our beers. We spent the night just hanging out and bullshitting, drinking pitcher after pitcher of beer. I lost my voice at the end of the night since the place is surrounded by concrete walls, and with over 700 people there, the sound is intense and I had to almost scream to talk. The highlight of the night was this chick that came up to one of my friends and started talking to him. After a few minutes of trying to give the dummy the hint he was taken, she didn't really care as she said she was married and her man was out somewhere else (seeing how this slob looked, I bet this guy was watching “Sex and the City”, if you get my drift). A few moments later, her two friends came over. I couldn't tell who was the cockblocker, since all three would have fit the bill. So after several minutes of having fun entertaining with these morons (which would have been the most action they got-there was a circle of clear space around them like they were guy repellant), we leave and go home. The Beer Garden is a cool spot in the summer time as long as you get their early, so if you visit the City, hop on the N or W train to lovely Astoria and check the place out. It is a nice place to bring a date for an evening, which in reality is something that wont' really be happening with me in a while. I'll get back to this statement after I write about Saturday night.

Saturday night was the big party for a friend. It was a gimmick party, which I hate-just have a fucking party for God's sake!!! Anyway I went as Stone Cold Steve Austin (party's gimmick was celebrities from the 60s-now). Most of the other costumes were cool, and much better than mine-then again they actually put work into theirs. I'm just glad I got rid of the mustache and back to just the bottom half again. Anyway the birthday boy is Gay, and he loves to try to shock the “straights”-nothing wrong with it, that's how he is and it is funny a lot of the time. His room has pictures of various men in various positions. Well he decided that he would put straight hardcore porn on the TV in his room. So his room was the physical example of the “eternal struggle” of life (hey think about it-it will make sense when it hits you). Anyway the usual crew was at this party, along with the birthday boy's friends and family. His sister...wow what a woman. She is quite unique and is as the opposite of the birthday boy as possible. Meeting her did also raise thoughts certain psychological theories as to the birthday boy's family and how he got to where he is now, thats as best as I can put it. It was a good time overall, and the birthday boy apparently has enough Jager to survive on if the bomb drops. One of the real highlights for me was “Shaft/pimp” just having me almost rolling on the floor laughing. I'm not joking when I say this, but the dude could be a comedian if he wanted to, he was that damn funny.

This is where I go back to the last statement I said in my story about Friday. The statement about me not thinking Ill have any dates for a while wasn't made to be self-deprecating, it's more of a fact. Simply put I can be a lot of work and an obnoxious ass that can be just as nice to someone as absolutely brutal. Some have said I can be a lot of work to first to get to know and also to stay around. As I said this isn't being said to put myself down, I can see where they are coming from. I don't know the basis as to why I am like this, but it's how it is. Seems like the women that tend to be around me or those that tend to gravitate to me seem to have something “off” about them, or are simply batshit crazy. this isn't a bad thing, we all have our quirks, just seems a lot of the quirks don't really jive with mine.

That's the big thing more than anything: most women I have met and dated have not been able to put up with me and some of the bullshit (in their view), and that's how things fall apart. Sometimes it's just they find that their career gives them more results and joy than dealing with me, or they think they can handle all I got, but when they start digging deeper, they quit since the work seems to be a tad overwhelming. Now mind you, I'm on he other side of the fence doing my thing and handling all she is throwing at me, either accepting whatever it is, or simply trying to figure out what there is that can be done to make it beneficial for both sides.

BTW this is what cause the downfall of my last big deal thing with a woman-she absolutely non-negotiable on how things with her in her life, and thing had to revolve around her and what she had to deal with, which I tried but found that to be really unhealthy that almost led me to not talking to several friends and my cousin and I had a real rough time talking. Then again she was the one who did lie about how things will be different and she will work to do her part to make things work because e had apparently had a lot we agreed on in life......well I guess not since we were on two different ends of the spectrum. Listen, she had some serious things going on in her life, I can't deny that. But at the same time, who doesn't? I had about 5 different vultures hanging around me all that time waiting to shit on my head with my job and family issues, but at the same time I knew that there are other things one should focus on, and this person was one of the few purely positives things in my life so why not try put the work in to make it as best as it could be, and I thought it was the same with her. Oh well, I guess I was wrong. And for whatever interested parties that sill read this since they “agree with my point of view on life”-yeah that's my side of the story and I got others that will backup whatever I have said since they did see me actually do what I did to make things better. Also, I don't have a near breakdown in front of my friends/family over a lie.

Anyway between that and just seeing how many women in this world have turned into this swarm of shallow, materialistic, parasites, it's really caused me to really stop with the idea of dating and made my outlook on the whole dating thing really negative. That's partly why around women I may look a little uncomfortable, but it's more like I'm just more “I seriously don't need to deal with you right now.” I am sure it's the worst possible way to think, and it's probably that whole “wall” thing people seem to believe that I have put up to stop me from getting hurt, but there is something damaged right now with me when it comes to the relationship thing. I can at least admit that. that's again why I am really glad my friends aren't the ones who try to hook me up with people they know, I don't want to be a reason of tension between them if something goes wrong. No I'm not thinking negative, I'm looking at myself in as rational of terms/thought processes as I can. I am not sure what can be done as far as fixing, other than maybe just time I guess.