Hope you all had a good memorial Day weekend. I also hoped you all took a moment to reflect on the contributions the military has done to ensure our freedoms. I thought of some of my relatives who served in the military at some point or another, and felt proud they did that. My weekend was quiet. I spent the weekend in the house getting some stuff done, as well as getting some important rest, both physically and mentally. I was invited out to a couple things, but I felt I needed to take advantage of the three day weekend to get some rest. For the most part I got what I needed done, and I did get some good rest, but I still am a little burnt out. But on the bright side I feel 100 times better compared to how I felt the past couple weeks.

I don't know why, but Ive been using the word “naughty” a lot. I don't know why but it's a word stuck in my head. I especially like using it to describe a chick's actions, and I like hearing a chick say it. I can't explain why, but it just is a sexy word to me. I also have been using the word “hayseed” as well, but I am guessing that's due to my listening to Ron & Fez a lot, and Ron uses the word a lot. It's not as sexy as “naughty,” but it's a word I use a lot.

It always amazes me what good a little thing one can do can make someone happy. Today I wasn't feeling so great when I woke up. Not sick but just not in a good mood. So before I went to work, I shaved my head. It was a couple days since I last shaved it, so I figured that I would do it today. After that, standing outside and feeling the breeze on the newly exposed skin made me feel good. I'm simple I know, but things like this can always put a little sunshine in one's day.

Another thing that happened that put me in a good mood actually happened the other day. I got a message form a friend that she was having a lot of issues (job, health, housing), and she was really stressed out about all of it. SO later that night I gave her a call, partly because I as sick of texting small messages, plus she sounded like she needed to hear a human voice. Well after a couple hours on the phone talking, she started to sound much better. I think it was also partly because I told her all the issues going on with me, and for a little while she wasn't focusing on herself and on her issues. After the pitty party we had, we both blurted out “thank you” to each other and ended the call. Next day, I get a text message for her out of the blue saying how glad and nice it was talking to me. Usually when I help someone,they never really thank me by actually telling me, usually they “pay me back” in some way. I'm not saying that way is bad, it is appreciated and all, but for some hearing it (well reading it) just struck me in a funny way. Sure we said thanks to each other and all that stuff. But this follow up came as a surprise and it made me smile. Still, the Irony always is there that I can help others out of their problems, but I can't apply my logic and thinking to my own.

I've also been having a back and forth with someone who has been really cool. She reads this blog quite a bit (she comments on it every so often). She seems to always have a nice thing to say, and her perspective has shown me some light on some questions I've had about things. Along with this, I've helped her out with some things on her mind, along with her husband's. Also, for some reason she says people can relate to what I say...must be some really disturbed people out there!!! I'm keeping names out of this, but I have a feeling she knows who she is.

OK fair warning, I may shut myself off this weekend. I've had a hell of a lot going on in my mind the past few weeks, and this three day weekend came at just about the right time. So I may not answer emails, messages, phone calls, anything and just be “me” by myself (not that anyone would call me, but just saying). Mentally I'm stretched to the limit and I could use the good mental break.

Thought I'd put a couple things going here, I have nothing much else happening:

What was going through my head Monday and part of Tuesday: NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY, NO XM AND NO RON AND FEZ ALMOST MADE PETE GO CRAZY

Wednesday night TV sucks. Thank God I got a ton of DVDs.

If I worked out my body like I work out my mind sometimes when it comes to thinking, I'd have one diesel body. Speaking of working out, I may down the road really focus on my health, I feel a meed to.

Milan Won the European Champions League title. No real big deal to me, but it was something I thought I'd write here.

Big three day weekend. What am I planning on doing? Cleaning and resting. Hoping the office closes down early Friday. Next weekend seems like it will be interesting, but I have to see about that.

Sorry if this entry sucks, but mentally my mind is running on fumes. I don't want to talk about it here, just want to take a break from thinking right now. Dont' ask me anything, don't say anything, just leave the subject alone. Maybe I'll reveal some or all down the road, but now is not the time.

I bet those who are reading this are wondering how my car did? After $450 this morning, it passed inspection. A lot more than I expected to pay but it had to be done. Turned out my car needed new brakes and brake rotors. At the very least its out of the way.

After that I did something that's just as fun and enjoyable: went to a cemetery I went to see my dad's grave with my mom so she could plant some flowers she bought. It was nice weather, the sun was out and shining, and the wind wasn't so bad (the cemetery is right by the Whitestone Bridge, and the river). It's always hard for me visiting it. It's always surreal to see the headstone with my father's name on it and the dates of his birth and death. It doesn't really bring up emotions or anything, but it really reminds me that he isn't around and I have to really step up to be the man he expected me to be. I think I am doing a good job about it, just like with most things in my life, I have a hard time knowing if I am doing good or badly. I like to think I always do the right thing, but sometimes the unknown really gets me nervous.

For whoever who has lost a parent: always remember they never really truly go away. Part of them lives in you. I mean half of them did help create you, and I like to think half of me is one parent or another. That helps me be calm about the whole thing, hope it helps others.

When I got home, I decided to tune everyone out, went to my bed and laid down for a while., I just needed to try to get some time to not think I took a nap and finished reading a book (yeah, you read that right, I READ a book). I finished a book my cousin gave me to read but Bernard Goldberg called Crazies to the Left of me, Wimps to the right, How One Side Lost It's mind, and the Other lost it's Nerve. Hes a conservative person, but not a real right wing conservative. His book points out how both Liberals and Conservatives have lost their way. Rather than focusing on their core values, they pander and sell out to whatever interest groups they can just to get money and a few more votes. I agree with a lot of what Goldberg says in the book, I disagree with his stance on Israel and a couple other minor things, but what I don't' agree with him on doesn't make me want to not like the guy. He's a good journalist, and a great writer. His book does have a slight conservative angle, but at the same time, for every fault he points out about the Liberals, be does the same with Conservatives. What I got from his book is that most on the political parties and media are now more motivated by greed and popularity rather than motivated by their ideals.

I always find it ironic that people keep telling me I have a way with words and I can make them feel better or at least comfortable, yet I can't do that myself. I usually over-think situations and ruin things for myself, but at the same time I'll somehow help someone else out with their problems!!!

People have a misconception of me. They thing I have some high standard or I ask too much from people. It's sorta fair to say since as a kid I had to work a lot more to get what the “average” kid got, or I damn near kill myself doing something just to prove someone wrong. It's not true that I sit here and expect people to do things as well as me or put as much effort into something as much as I do. All I have ever asked people who I had to interact with in some form or another is that whatever effort they put into something or whatever thy can give, as long as it's genuine and not half-assed, that's fine for me, I'll figure out the rest. No one's effort is never “not good enough” for me unless I KNOW they are not giving me all they can.

I don't know what's with me, but this year it seems that I draw rain to soccer games. But the funny part is that the team plays REAL well in the rain, so I guess there' s a bright side. I got home about an hour ago, and I”m still cold, my clothes re all damp on the floor, and my voice sucks. The team won 4-0 so I guess it's all worth it.

Also, tailgating is good and all, but hell on my stomach. But that's what Sunday is for in order to clear that all up!!! That will be done as I take my car in for it's inspection. Hope it doesn't take long and isn't as expensive as I think it may be.

That's all I am writing tonight, gotta get some sleep.

Well another work week is over, and it felt like I worked 8 days rather than 5. It's funny how the past few weeks felt like that. Maybe it's burnout (no real break since August), or maybe it's just with everything going on in my life. Funny, I usually am able to shut out the outside world at work and focus on that, but this time it's impossible, I was sloppy a little bit this week, but by the end I was better. It both is both good and sucks that I have downtime at my job. Good in that I am able to think a lot of things through and figure out what to do next, but sucks in that I over-think things through which can lead to stress and too much distraction (and read my blog form the other day as to how far it can go). But oh well, it's the weekend, so I can get some of this tension out.

Sat I am going to the Red Bulls game at Giants Stadium. I missed last week due to mothers day, but I had good reason to. Good thing I have my pop-up canopy and rain gear, seeing the weather forecast. Good news is that the Mets beat the Yankees tonight. Just made me feel good to write that.

Sunday has the potential to be an expensive day. I'm getting my car inspected and I think I need new brakes on it. So that could cost me a pretty penny. After that I am going to the cemetery to see my dad and aunt's site. My mom wants to plant a couple things around it. I”m not sure about how I really feel about going to see the site. I know I should feel sad, and I do I miss both of them dearly, but I really don't feel as much emotion about it as I should. But if I do feel any major emotions, it'll just be another swing on the wild ride that I”ve been on the past several days. I thank God I have this (and th people who comment to me about it) and people to talk to. I needed some outlet to get it all out. I would not like to see where I would be if I didn't have all these outlets.

I haven't written anything about O&A and their suspension for something totally not right, mostly because I already written my thoughts about the whole “stalinization” of America a few weeks ago. I haven't joined the protest and did what the cool kids did and canceled my Xm subscription. I haven't yet because first I want to see where it pans out. Second, I like the music selection and sports selection, FAR better than anything radio can do. Also I love Ron and Fez, and they are still on XM. Call me a bad O&A fan, whatever, fuck off. I do what I damn well please, and whatever the result, I'll live with it

Ron and Fez has recently become may favorite show, there's no major drama from them. They go in, do a solid show, and that's all that matters to them. If I could be half as cool as Ron Bennington, I'd be twice as cool as I am now. He is a really funny guy and has a vast knowledge of a lot of subjects. On top of it, he has the gift of being able to convey whatever he wants to and have everyone “get it” and understand without asking questions. I have been told that I have that gift with words, but sometimes I doubt I do. I was just having a conversation (Myspace message tag really) about this, and I seem to impress at least someone with my skills. It's a pretty cool feeling to get that kind of feedback.

Fez Whatley on the other hand is someone that the fans can love and enjoy. He has issues, and he has talked about them on the air. Whether or not it's a shtick is up to you, but one thing that is real is the recent heart issues he has had. This past couple weeks have been hard to listen to the show because Fez has had another episode with his heart,which led to a second stent put in him. I get the real Heebie-jeebies listening to the show now, because what Fez is talking about with the procedure and the overall story he is telling has a lot of parallels to the last several years of my father's life. It's so close down to the same hospital!!! If they mentioned the doctor my dad had on the air was the same one Fez had, I would have shut off the radio. Although I am done grieving over my dad, the whole thing hit home a little too close.

What the fuck is with me these days?!?!?!? I've been getting the heebie-jeebies a lot, my thoughts have been on a roller coaster, and when that wasn't happened my mind feels like it was mush. It was funny today my co-worker said I looked a hell of a lot better today, and I didn't look so tense. I also noticed I was a lot sharper today, since this week Ive been sloppy at work. Hopefully I”m done with that mental clusterfuck I was going through the past couple weeks and can move forward. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

I am still sometimes amazed the amount of support I have around me. I know there are some out there that do read this and do seem to care about me. They write to me every so often to tell me that or how wrong I am about something. Last night was a night that also helped me see the amount of support I have from my family. I know it sounds wrong to some to question that, and I am not doing that. I am just still amazed how much there really is. I needed the distraction I had for a couple hours to be me again, and also get what's swirling in my mind the past few weeks out to get their advice. I know some others have given me support and advice about this thing, but last night was the first real time I went into real detail about everything with someone. Don't be insulted if I didn't go into real detail with you if I did talk to you recently, I just don't know you (and vice versa) that well, and who I talked to are people who are almost my brother and sister.

Yesterday I had a hard time dealing with what has been on my mind. I've been thinking about all this for weeks, going through all the emotions and feelings that came up when what's on my mind came back into my thoughts and life a couple weeks ago. This hasn't been a bad thing, since now all the bad feelings and anger are no more after thinking about all of it and learning new things. But at the same time, All the other feelings I had in the past came up and I have a lot of questions that were unanswered that I want to have answered. The catch is that its not going to be easy to get these answers. I know this may not make sense, but I really cant' get into too much details right now. Maybe one day I can. Well I have been having all these thoughts running in my mind and it's like on a treadmil, just running in place in my mind. I was sick of thinking about all of this by myself and I also needed to hear someone else's opinion and possible advice. So I text (I was at work) my cousin to see if he as free to talk later that night, and he said yeah and come over to have dinner too. Usually I would have just called him on the phone to tlak to him, but I all I've been doing lately as far as any communication with people the past several days has been either text, email, or phone and I honestly needed to talk face-to-face to someone.

So after work I took the train out to his place, thinking on the train how I am going to explain all this. See, my cousin loves me, he is like an older brother to me. This is a good thng, but on occasion he can be a little over-protective. I know he has the best of intentions and he really does care, but sometimes it isn't what I need at the time. So anyway, I get to his apartment and he nand his wife are there. I sit down and we start eating. After explaining why I was there (the need to actually talk to someone rather than on the phone), I start explaining things. I had an idea as far as what I wanted to tell them, but like when I had to give the speech at his wedding, whatever outline in my head dissapeared and I froze. Eventually I got my ideas straight and got what I wanted out. It was still a hard thing to do, since all those emotions were now moving “forward”, as in out to someone else, rather than still sitting in my head, and it was a weird feeling, something I never expected to feel. I was shaking and felt cold. After I got all my ramblings out, and the occasional ADD moments (like Shawn Green's huge ears on the TV screen), it was my cousin and his wife turn to tell me their opinion. I had a thought as to what my cousin was going to say, but he surprised me by going the other way. Granted what he was telling me was pretty much what I came to as far as conclusions, and what they said I should do is what I already did, but it was cool to see they supported me and saw where I coming from with what I was talking about. It took a lot of the weight of of my shoulders and mind (not all of it, but a lot).

After dinner and the talking came the distraction I needed. My cousin decides to pick up “Guitar Heros” for the Xbox 360. He spent almost 100 bucks for the game and “controller” that looks like a actual guitar. It's the dumbest thing I've seen, and to see a grown adult with it, is even funnier. It's a dumb game, but my cousin is into these goofy things so I guess it's par for the course. I know it's a popular game and all, but I don't get it. Watching him play this stupid thing made me both laugh and cry. His wife kept looking at me like “yeah, I married him”, and she and I just busted his balls the rest of the night as he played. When I looked at the clock, it was about 11, and I had o go home. My cousin drove me home, and as we were driving, I felt like a million bucks, and more focused. Ok, things aren't totally settled, but as far as I go, I feel a lot better, and I am ready for whatever outcome there is to the whole situation. Right now I did all I could do on my end, and now I'm waiting for whatever the resolution of the situation.

I can't thank my cousin and his wife enough for what they did, not just last night but everything they have done. I've been through a lot of low moments in my life and they have been who helped me out. In the end, no matter what happens in the future, I know that I will be OK.

It's 8 am and I am writing this. I don't know why I am, but I am up needing something to do. Maybe I can use the skill I have to write to maybe put my mind at ease a little bit.

My job is going well, and the new guy I have in my building is doing well. I'm giving him more and more responsibilities, but at the same time I'm trying to not put too much on him. It's a weird balance I'm trying to strike, since I had all the work on my back for the longest time. My bosses fired someone I trained, but I found out it wasn't about his work he was fired for, but his attitude. It sounds stupid, but I was worried about why he was fired, since I trained him and if he was fired for his work, it could reflect on me and my training skills.

I”m glad to see the Mets are still in the front of the NL east so far. They seem to have a lot of potential and could make some noise. I don't follow baseball as intently as I used to. I read about the team, but I only look at how they are really doing in spans of 8-10 games. I can't live or worry about each game, that's 162 games of stress. I can see doing that if I was into the fantasy league baseball, but I honestly do not have the time to devote to the research and matanence of a team. That's why I like soccer and football a little more. With those sports, I can follow better since they only play once or twice a week, and I can focus on that one game while still paying attention to all the news during the rest of the week.

Speaking of soccer, this is one of my favorite times of the year. MLS started and the European leagues are starting to end. In Europe, the leagues there have promotion/relegation, where the worst teams of the leagues go down to the lower level league, and the best ones move up. It would be like the nationals being in last place at the end of the year, and they go down to AAA, and if Scranton wins the AAA championship, they move up to the Majors. In Europe, i's usually the lowest 2 or 3 teams go down to the next level down, and the top 3 move up to the higher league. I am leaving it at that since it can get really complicated with some leagues playoff systems and such. But to get back to the point I was going to get to. The last 6 weeks is always fun to watch, because you usually have a title fight and spots in the various lucrative European competitions at the top, and at the bottom it's a literal fight for survival (put it this way, teams in the top division in England get at least $60 million from worldwide TV rights and league sponsors). Some teams put themselves into so much debt to complete in the top division, that if they get relegated it could ruin the team for years (look up Leeds United to see a perfect example). It's real dogfights the last several weeks in these games, where these bad teams play like they are playing for the league title. This past weekend showed why the system works great, there were all 10 games on the same day, and all had something worth playing for, be it a European competition qualification or just survival in the league (the title was decided last week, but second to eighth were still up for grabs, and that mean lots of money and money making games in Europe). It was a day of drama and action.

That's all I can think of writing about right now, there's probably a ton I could say about other things going on with me, but I still have to figure out what's going on in my head before I can even try to put what is on my mind into words. One more thing, Thanks to those who care and have tried to help me out with things in the past Hopefully I can pay you all back. Some may not realize they helped with their words or actions, but they did.

I hope all who read this had a good day with their mothers (or whoever was a “mother” to you). Always remember that she is the first love in your life (not to get too Freudian but it is true), and don't' ever do her wrong since she will have no problem kicking the shit out of you!!!

I needed today to get my mind off of things. Right now is a unique situation for me, one that is completely uncharted territory for myself. Yet at the same time, it's been one of the better times, since it's forcing me to look at myself. I see a lot of myself a little differently now, but I don't really plan on changing anything.

Here's an example of what the hell I am talking about. I say and write a lot of things that come off the top of my head. I am at a point where I don't care much about what others think about me, since I know I can never please everyone. I don't apologize for what I say, but I take responsibility of what I say and the result of these things I say. With that can come praise, but also consequences There has been some events that have made me to look deep inside of myself and what I say and why I do say some of them. Again, I do not apologize for what I say, but there are some things I do regret saying. This is something that probably has had to happen at some point, and right now I am glad that it did. It helps give me some peace of mind and more focus and attention to my actions. Don't worry, I'm bound to talk out of my ass at some point again, but now I have to at least get some hold of my venting when I post something here.

Hell I probably pissed someone off with this writing, but I will deal with it when it comes up. As I said I know now what I say can have some consequences, much like all choices in life, and I am prepared to accept them and live with those consequences

Man the Yankees are a joke when it comes to how they present themselves and attention whoring themselves. They are a lot like the WWE, and the Yankees get just as much respect form others outside their little world like how the WWE gets form legitimate sports. The stupid publicity stunts prove how stupid their fan base is when they eat up whatever is said by the Yankees as gospel.

Their TV network, AKA Al Yankzeera as Al Weissmann of the NY Daily News refer to them, is nothing more than a propaganda machine for the team that would make even Hitler embarrassed about. The “Talent” on Al Yankzeera is nothing more than has-beens or never-weres that played for the Yankees, pathetic fanboys that worked in the media, or in the case of Suzyn Waldman on their radio broadcasts, trannys.

The gimmick is pathetic. From all the announcers calling the owner Mr. Steinbrenner, to never pointing out anything wrong about the team, or if they do they blame everyone else rather than pointing out the team or someone on the team sucks. At least the Met's TV network has no problems trashing the mets when they aren't playing well and are truthful and honest about anything going on with the Mets organization. The Irony is that whenever Al Yankzeera decided to talk about other teams announce teams, they call them a bunch of “homers”-people who are so sided with the team they announce for and getting ever excited when the team does well while overly sad when the team fails-and mention how that is not the classy thing to do and that's never happens in NYC, but I can't listen one inning of any Yankee broadcast and hear one of the announcers acting like a pathetic fanboy with the mindset of an 8-year old. This is why most of the SNY announcers who do the Mets games all have gotten awards and praise for their good, fair work while any Al Yankzeera announcer has only gotten the ridicule they deserve.

Want an example of what I am talking about?? Anyone see that pathetic, stupid announcement of their signing or the big Texas retard Roger Clemens? That was almost as bad as anything the WWE does for their shows on cable. The only thing that was missing was the Retard Clemens hitting Steinbrenner with a chair. The saddest part was that the FANS ATE IT UP!!!! What's next for the Yankees? They require all the fans and employees to goose-step by the owners' box after a game and “heil”-ing to the owner???

Thanks Yankees I needed something to focus all this tension I have right now. I have something hanging over me (nothing serious), and I am waiting for a resolvment on it. The ball is not in my court and I think I have done all I could.

So I was right sort of as far as the fight went. Maywather dominated the fight, and showed everyone he was the better fighter. De La Hoya looked so out of his game, and it was nice to see that the judges weren't swayed by the retarded in the crowd jumping up and down when De La Hoya threw a combo or two. In the end the right man won and all is well in boxing for now.

I had something else to write, but my mind is drawing a blank. But I can try to piece it together here. I was thinking about the relationship between men and women and the things that one does for the other that they wouldn't' normally do. No this isn't a hack rant on going to buy a chick tampons or anything. I”m talking about what one does that they wouldn't' do when it comes to their standards and beliefs. Generally I am a prick when it comes to things like that, where if she can't accept all there is about me, then tough, and I will not bend for a woman. But there is always a few that makes me do a change in my mindset without thinking twice. Usually when I end up doing this, it's with my min telling me it's worth doing it, and that it's not really a “loss” to do so. This is a big thing for me (or anyone) to do. You run the risk of the other person thinking “Ha, I got him to bend, now lets see how long it takes me to break him and make him my lapdog!!” Luckily I haven't been i that situation, and usually the reaction I get form someone is more “wow, he's accepting a, b, and c, that's cool. I should show my appreciation to him for doing this since it's worth it”.

I can hear you all saying “so you're a doormat”. NO, It's just looking at the big picture and seeing that what I am “giving up” or not rejecting isn't worth throwing away the whole relationship. One should ALWAYS look at the big picture of things, it is calming and you see all the answers. When you do this and go with your instinct, nothing can go wrong for you...God knows I learned that the hard way recently.

Ok one more thing before I end this odd post. Always remember...

When Mightyhorse rocks, he rocks the fat ass.

Even more random stuff

-Seems karma hasn't finished paying off all the good I've done. I was awarded employee of the month for all the work I did last month. I get an extra paid day off to use at some point this year. Doesn't sound much but hey, I'll take any recognition I can get. So far a lot of all my good work has been paid off, but hoping for a big payday down the road. Well not hoping, but considering all the shit I've been through and what I have had to do for myself and others, there has to be a return on my investment at some point

-Watch any UK-based film, especially ones about soccer, and you'll be treated to the artform of using the C-word. Really amazing how beautiful they use the word!!!

-Listening to Rage Against the Machine's song “No Shelter” always makes me laugh. The song is about how American media and advertising is distorting Americans view the world. What I find funny is that the song was featured on the soundtrack of “Godzilla”, and in the song it trashes American movies and media companies. I don't know why, but I always giggle when I hear it.

-As nice as the weather is when it comes to the eye-candy walking around my job and in my building, it' shell on my arthritic ankle.

-My last post was my 300th, never thought about it, but I did write a lot. Most of it is shit, but I did write a lot. I honestly never read most of it after it was posted. I have a strange thing about not reading my stuff, mostly because I know I'll end up micromanage it and redo it to water down what I was going to say. Funny part is that if I have to write something important, I will still down write it out, and make sure my words are correct, and I get told how beautiful i write and how whatever I need to say is not only represented, but represented correctly and clearly understood.

Eh, that's all I got tonight....

I am not saying anything, but it seems all the hard work I have put in is finally starting to pay off. I got a new person working with me at my job, and a lot of the burden I have had at this job is coming off my back. It's a weird feeling having a new person in my building working with me that's not going to be moved out in a couple weeks. It's also weird that now my job is going to be as “normal” as everyone else's. Another good thing is now I have consistent hours now (11a-7p), instead of Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri, 12-7p, and Wed. 7a-7p. It's going to be nice to not have to worry about getting up early on Wed morning.

I hate thunderstorms now. I used to not mind them, but I get creeped out when one happens at night, especally since if gives me flashbacks of Dec. of 2005. When the thunder cracks over my house at night, it all but guarantees me not sleeping that night

Ever find a band who you couldn't stand in the past that you can now at least appreciate their work? I'm starting to do that with R.E.M. I always thought of them as pretentious asses that, like “10,000 Maniacs” and Dave Matthews Band”, thought they were too cool for the room and their music was the only thing that mattered in the industry. I have been hearing more and more of R.E.M.'s work (particularly their earlier work), and I can see what made them a good band. I still am not a fan of them, but I can at least appreciate their music.

I can't wait for the big fight this week. I really hope that Mayweather kick the shit out of De la Hoya. I could never stand De la Hoya, I mean he's a hell of a fighter, but he's too “nice” and too “pretty”, and that' show he's become a favorite of the judges. It's because of this that gives him a slight advantage and means Mayweather has to KO De la Hoya or beat him into submission, since the judges almost always side with De la Hoya, especially when the fight is in Las Vegas as it is this Sat.