Today I chose to do something a little different. Since I have this Twitter account (which is pmarus78 if you use Twitter), I decided to use it as a “notepad” for my thoughts, and not only let whoever sees it know what is on my mind, but also let me put down ideas to talk about in this blog. All they would be are just snippets that I would expand on here.

So today I get up, and feel bad. Not in a sick way, just guilty that I should be getting up to go to work. After breakfast and shower, I go out to get the papers and look around in some of the shops. One thing that kept getting my attention is the hot Latinas walking around. I live in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood, so this revelation isn’t really new. I did get to see one with a fantastic ass, and I found myself staring at it as she walked in front of me. As I was walking around the scenery was fantastic and delicious. Of course most ended up being moms, but whatever they looked damn good. Maybe when I get things together I should try to make my acquaintance with one or two of these ladies around my neighborhood or in the city somewhere, preferably one without children. Hey, what can I say, I love women with some curves and some cushion for some pushin’.

Along the walk as well, I was looking for some luggage for this trip. The stores on Roosevelt Avenue in Queens had some, but I didn’t trust most of the stores, the stuff looked cheaply made, and some of the shop owners looked like terrorists. I was going to buy a bag from one, but I didn’t feel sure about getting it there. I don’t want my money funding some Jihad.

Later on today I went and finally got a bag and some of those bags that you can push the air out of to make what you have in the bag smaller and therefore have more room. I get home and get some clothes to test the bags out. The bags work pretty well, but the bag I bought is a little too small to handle all the clothes and stuff I am going to need. Luckily I have a slightly bigger bag that will fit the bill. I am doing my best to minimize how much I take up since the car I am going up is going to be packed from what I was told. So far it looks like I’ll be having a large duffle bag for all my clothes and toiletries and stuff like that, and a computer messenger bag for my laptop and whatever electronics I take with me.

So after I figured all that out, I watched some TV. Unemployment sucks since there’s no one else to hang out…since they all have jobs. I came across some crap on TV that I had to look for on Youtube to put up and show you the garbage that is advertised on TV.

First is this fine produce. People are huffing oxygen to “energize” themselves. When I was a kid it was deemed wrong and dangerous, but now pay 20 bucks and you somehow get energized...


Next is the Shamwow cloth. I can care less about the product, but this guy I just find Creepy, and I want to punch him and his stupid hair rather than buy this:


Sorry, this is guy is even creepier. The guy looks more of a pedophile than a salesman.

First off, I am now on Twitter. It’s a thing where I, and other people can put quick status updates out to people. If anyone is familiar with Myspace’s “friends’ mood”, it’s almost like that but you can directly respond to others who follow your twitter account. If you have twitter let me know and/or add me. My name on there is pmarus78. Also added a thing on the side of this page to see what I “Tweet” from time to time.

Not long before I wrote this I received some big news. Its news that is very good and something that although is a surprise; it is welcomed as far as I am concerned. I was also offered a great opportunity and I am honored to have it offered to me. Since then, it has hit me that I have to get my shit together. This wasn’t a big bolt of lightning, since being unemployed and that my birthday has sort of put this on the front of my mind. It just made me realize that from now on I have to really get myself into a place where it elevates me to be even better. What does this mean? I am not totally sure. I just know that some of the old “rules” have to be amended. I know what I do is right, at least when it comes to me, but sometimes I look at what I have done, sometimes I can see where maybe I should have been more diplomatic, or not just dismiss people when at that moment in time that have nothing for me or at least that I have no use for them right there. Maybe if I did a couple things different things would be better.

But at the same time, I tell myself to stop fucking thinking and self-evaluating yourself. That’s all the past, and it should stay there. Remember what happened last year when some things were revisited? Why return to past incidents to try to make sense of things? Leave the past in the past and deal with what you got in front of you and work from there. Shit works out in the end, and in the end, people are in not only the place where they should be, but also where they choose to be.

Sometimes timing couldn’t be better. I get to go away for a little bit, maybe I’ll post something over the vacation, or simply write over the time out there and post it all when I get back. I can’t wait to leave here, recently I’ve felt like my skull has been in a vice, and maybe the change of scenery will help out a little. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. What the hell do I know? I do know that a couple quotes that I have been told recently have some merit:

“I don’t fail, I succeed at finding what doesn’t work.”-Christopher Titus

“Don’t treat anyone as a priority if they only make you as an option.”-unknown, but the only good thing I got out of someone recently

This Sunday has been quite a lazy day. I was planning on going to the soccer game, but I woke up today just not in the mood. Part of my mood was that I was up half the night due to the animals that live next door to me had a party that went most of the night. I know it was an illegal one as well. How do I know this? First off the windows are all blocked and boarded up, and all day Saturday there were various deliveries of multiple cases of beer and enough ice and garbage cans that there HAD to be something illegal. What I think as far as illegal is that they were probably charging for drinks (a big no-no in private parties), and just the number of people in this party meant it had to have something wrong. Eventually I think the cops came around and shut the party down. Apparently one of the savages at this party got pissed, broke a bunch of the windows in the house, and some other damages to the house. On top of it was the various drunks pissing and throwing up in the driveway, and all the broken bottles in the driveway and in front of the house. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and although it shouldn’t bother me, the house is right next to mine, and we share a driveway, so I believe I have a right to be concerned, plus having cops around the place isn’t cool. I have nothing to hide, just hate the feeling. This is all on top of some of the issues I’ve had with these people, like how they refuse to watch their kid when he’s out in the driveway and is going into my backyard, and some other stuff like blocking the driveway and overall lack of respect. Usually they do show me respect when I show up, probably due to the shaved head and how I usually don’t say much and am direct with them with what I say.

Anyway I spent most of the day in the house cleaning, organizing, and just going through some old paperwork. I had to clean and do some of this work, but being in the house all day has had put me in a mood. Maybe just something like cabin fever or something, but I had to stay in and get some stuff done. This week is mostly getting ready for the big trip, which so far looks like I have all I need to take here, but I may have to go buy some stuff. Also this week is my birthday, which I am trying not to think about. My birthdays in the past have been either really cool or complete disasters. Hopefully it ends up being a “good” one, but as I have learned lately there are many things I cannot control, so I shouldn’t worry about those things or think about it. All I can do is be me and hopefully things will fall into place and work out.

Lesion you should take from this (If you ever take any form any or my writings)-just don’t’ worry about things you can’t control, and do the best with what you can do or have. Whatever is meant to be is to me.

Since I was bored I went through my closet. I found a bunch of sports jerseys that I have had, and honestly haven’t’ worn in a while, so I decided I should start doing so. Here’s what I have. I’m sorry there’s no super-hot model showing them off, but it’s hard to take self-pics.


First are my Metro jerseys. These are form the years the team was known as the Metrostars. I think the years are as follow-bottom row: 1996 and 1998/99. Top row are 2000-2002, and the white one is sort of rare, since I got that as a gift when I got season tickets one year as a member of the ESC:


Now are the two Red Bull New York Jerseys I own. The red one was from 2006 when the team was first rebranded, and the second one is from last season that the team gave to me as a gift for my season ticket purchase:

Next are the various European Jerseys I have bought over the years. From left to right: Manchester City, Glasgow Celtic, Ajax of Amsterdam:


Finally, my other jerseys I have. From back row: Penn State Hockey, NY Rangers. Front Row: Penn State football, Phoenix Coyotes Hockey, NY Giants…I’m sorry the WORLD CHAMPION NY Giants Jersey:

As you see I have too much free time on my hands.

Before I start, anyone know anything about Twitter? Someone told me that I would like doing that, not that I do enough posts on this. Any thoughts on it and should I do it would be appreciated.

Are the Olympics over yet? Is there a reason I should care about them? As far as I am concerned, the Olympics aren’t the “end all, be all” event for any sports I watch. I’ll go through a couple of them that I do like and say why what happens to the US in the event really means nothing to me:

Soccer-First off, there is an age limit on the teams (23 and younger, but three over 23 year olds are allowed on the rosters). the 23 year old rule is odd to me, since FIFA has a under-20 World Cup, and the next world championship is the actual World Cup. The theory is that after 20, you are a pro and can play at the level of a World Cup. The Olympic soccer tournament isn’t recognized by FIFA on their international calendar, so pro club teams aren’t required to let players to play in the Olympics, which has caused some controversy. Whoever wins this tournament really doesn’t get a lot of respect in world soccer, though this tournament is used mostly as a test run of nations to see how those players handle a major international tournament since World Cup Qualifiers and the World Cup happens in two years.

Boxing-What a dogshit of an event. First off, the “Judges” don’t judge, they count punches. There are five of the around the ring, and when a fighter lands a punch, three of them have to hit the button to say he did land it within a second of the punch thrown. Also the punch only counts if the white of the gloves lands. So if a fighter throws and lands a combination of five punches, he’s lucky if 2 get counted. Plus it seems body shots don’t get counted. It’s such a stupid system that screwed a lot of fighters over this Olympics, and has made the event look like garbage. I put it on the other day to help me get to sleep.

Baseball-my only major issue is the extra inning rule; where after the 10th if it’s still tied, the team up to bat can choose two runners to put on base to start the inning. So I could put my leadoff and second hitter on bases and have the third hitter up with no outs. It’s a stupid idea, and proves that world baseball is stupid. They should let Americans run the sport and it can be played proper. Also, the other day a bunch of US batters were hit by pitches and some taken to the hospital due to the bean balls, nothing is done as far as discipline to the other team. If I was the US manager, I would have told my team next pitch that goes inside, everyone on the bench better be out there to beat the hell out of the punk-ass pitcher. Yes I’m an old-school baseball fan, where baseball has no athletes in the sport, just ballplayers. Thank God Baseball is not in the Olympics after this year.

Then again the following sports shouldn’t eve be in the Olympics: any that involves Horses, any that are found in the X-games (this goes with the winter games as well), Any that is more of an art than sport, table tennis and any sport you play in the backyard at family reunions. Most of the rest of them I can see some merit in, since the Olympics was also to show one’s athletic skills and skills in war-like events. I still want to see MMA in the Olympics, it’s a hybrid of four current events: Boxing, Wrestling, Judo, and Tae Kwon Do. I think some of the rules may have to be modified, but I think it can be a big hit, and it could be one of the most popular events in the Olympics.

One more thing about the Olympics; ENOUGH ABOUT MICHAEL PHELPS FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!!! I am sick of hearing about him. Yes, we get it, he’s pretty good at swimming, but when the broadcasters are rude enough to ask other swimmers about Phelps before asking them about their accomplishments, it’s a touch much.


My final thing I wanted to mention: My friend sent me a link to a guy I am starting to really like seeing his site. It’s a site by a British guy who was a stand up comic (he might still be, not totally sure), but he rants about religion and has some good points if you boil it down. Check it out, just not totally safe for work:

http://www.patcondell.net/index.html

I spent today applying for unemployment. If you haven’t had to, be glad. I go online to do it. Now it says that most claims can be done over the Internet. Guess what? I wasn’t part of that most department. I had to also call a phone number to complete the process. Calling any agency is as fun and exciting as a root canal, and this was no different. First, I called three times in the morning, only to get the call dropped, or a message that basically said, “We’re busy go away”. Eventually I got through, and had to deal with someone that sounded like she was talking with a broken jaw. So after eventually getting things done, I am filed and have to start going online about my money next week. I feel a small amount of shame in doing it, but at the same time with all the money I’ve given to the state in taxes I feel like I am entitled to this given my situation.

A lot of people are surprised I am not totally losing it about being unemployed. First off, I saw this coming, I expected this to happem later this year, but it happened sooner. I have some cash saved up just in case, and the timing isn’t that bad. I figure I’ll really search hard after my trip to Lake George. I look at it this way. When I get back, college will be back in session, so jobs will open up with students going back to school. On top of that, I have a couple temp agencies I have used before, including the one I used that landed me my last job. SO I am in somewhat good shape. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my moments of panic, but that was only for a moment. With the free time I have now, I’m trying to better myself. I’m really trying to look at life and things in a more positive light, which also is helping my confidence. I also am trying to stop thinking so much about things, especially events in the past. I’m trying to keep my mind in the present and dealing with things more in the present. It may sound weird, but if you hung around me or know about me, it makes sense and it is a big change for me.

Now for something that has been on my mind that has annoyed me for a while. Sports and God. I understand the prayer to ask that God look over you to be safe in the sport you play in, but when the prayers involve God helping you beat the other team, those are stupid and I think they are against God. You mean to tell me that God is going to play favorites between the two teams if both pray for victory? My new favorite thing is seeing MMA fighters praise God in helping them with their fights. Also something that makes me laugh is when on the sponsor banner hung in some fighter’s corner have “Jesus Don’t Tap” somewhere on it. Really? Does he? I’m sorry; I don’t recall in the bible any passage where it says “Repent, lest ye shall be put in a rear-naked choke by your savior.” I remember Jesus tore ass through a temple when he saw the sin going on in there, but I don’t recall hearing him busting out some Jiu Jitsu, or throwing some Superman punches in doing so. So if God is in MMA, does that make the “Tapout” crew the three kings bringing gifts to the savior? BTW check out “tapout” on the Versus network. Great show from a great clothing company. The show follows the three founders of the Tapout company as they look at up and coming fighters to sponsor around the country and they help the fighter out for a week and see if they are worth the sponsorship. It’s a funny show and if you go to their website, Tapout.com, you’ll see some of the coolest clothing out there.

Not sure how to end this entry, but I’m done.

Finally updated my resume. I put the online version in the link on the side of the page. Hopefully it came out right; I was messing with it all morning trying to make it look right. SO that’s it, and still have to thank all those who helped me out with it. Couldn’t have done it without you.

Also here’s a pic of me from last night. I wanted to try out the camera on my phone to see what kind of quality photos it can get. Also notice I trimmed the goatee really short. Felt like doing it since it was really getting scruffy and just wasn’t looking too good. Some of you may be seeing me for the first time, so take it all in of you can, studs like me don’t come around often. And to those who read this, it’s just another pic of the eye candy that is I, which some of you probably still wish you had. I would say to all of those people they are open to plead their cases as to why I should consider taking you back, despite your poor choice of going with the pretty wrapping and dropping me, the total package, but why should I take back some loser from my past that showed they are nothing but lying scum and beneath me?

Damn I am a good-looking dude!

I’ve spent the past couple days playing Madden 09 on the Xbox 360. I really like it. It’s really improved on the previous games. The new system where you play through drills and the game adjusts the difficulty to your skill level is unique and works to a point. It makes me play the game differently, where I have to think more about the plays I use and now I play the game. Some of the things are a bit wonky, like I apparently am really good at running the ball, so the difficulty is jacked up to where I barely get three yards a carry. The good thing is after a game the difficulty levels are re adjusted, so the game is still challenging. The detail in the game is fantastic, and a lot of the complaints of the series from years ago are pretty much gone (magnet catches/tackles, superman jumps, etc.). Playing in the rain is like the real thing, where the game slows down over time, and the tackles get sloppier and everyone slips and falls later in the game. So far my franchise mode is doing well. I have the Steelers at a record of 7-3, leading the AFC north. Yeah you read that correctly, I am playing as the Steelers. There are two reasons for it. First, I don’t like playing as the Giants in videogames, mostly because it doesn’t excite me to play as them in games. Another reason is the Steelers are my second team that I follow. I started following them in college since Penn State is in Steeler country. All the sports coverage is more leaned to the Pittsburgh teams, which is ironic because a lot of the students at PSU were from Philly.. Want to play me? My gamertag on Xbox live is Evilpete66, so look me up and if you are into sporting matches (no cheating or bullshit like that), let’s play.

Tomorrow is my official termination day from Bank of America. That means I should go apply for unemployment. I may to it tomorrow or Friday. It’s going to be weird for me since this will be the first time I will be doing it. I still haven’t gotten around to uploading my resume yet. I should have an online version up within the week.

This time off from working has made me think about myself, and how I should improve some things that do seem to be lacking. I am trying to improve me confidence in myself and how I handle talking to others. Things like making eye contact more with people and little things like that. I’ve noticed some things I have not been doing in my body language that may give off the wrong vibe (which could be the reason for a lot of things on my life). Anyway the only way I can get that fixed is to do it. And like a lot of bad habits it is hard to break. Hopefully I can overcome some of these things and, not so much change, but make sure the person I am projecting I am is the right person.

I forgot what was the last posting was, but whatever here’s a new one. I spent the past several days doing a ton of thinking. The timing of my job loss and my birthday seems to have me in a funk. It also hasn’t helped my sleeping much. For example, Friday night/Saturday morning had me waking up every hour mostly due to some bad dreams. In all honesty, I am not sure if it was all the stuff on my mind causing the dreams or all the food I ate that night-which said food did cause a nightmare for me when it came to me and the toilet-waaay too much cheese!!

Saturday night at least I for to see some violence, as the UFC had a PPV event. Originally, I was to host some friends and family over to watch the event, but due to circumstances, I watched the event at my cousin’s place. As usual, the UFC put on a great event, both in matchmaking and overall production. I read and hear the UFC’s shows are even better in person, and one day I would like to see if that is true. Also it’s funny to read boxing writers trash talk MMA overall, saying how boxing is much better than MMA. Yeah, I put on boxing now to help get to sleep. Watch the garbage that is called Olympic boxing. All the boxing I have seen the past several years has been at best bland, even the De La Hoya-Mayweather fight was at best average. When I watch MMA, there is a legit excitement and reality that at any second, the fight could be over, where as in boxing all that is certain is a slow-pace, hug filled fight. Face it, Boxing is to checkers as MMA is to chess.

As I write this I have a massive headache. I spent most of the day looking at my computer’s screen redoing my resume. I have to thank those who have helped me out with my resume, and perhaps later this week I’ll post an online version of my updated resume. Some of you out there are probably thinking “why haven’t you asked me for help?” It’s not personal, I just have a hard time asking for help. I’m one of those who want to do things myself, since then if I screw up, it’s just on me. I also don’t like asking for things of others, and this is where the bitterness, paranoia, and all that stuff comes in, because I suddenly feel indebted to someone and then feel like I am obligated to do something for them. The funny part is I’m the ass that usually bugs people to help them out, which has led to some relationships completely falling apart. Odd huh?

As I said before, I have been doing a lot of thinking about everything that has been going on. This probably hasn’t helped with the headache. It’s not so much about me thinking about the past, since I cannot change the past. I have thought a bit of the past in that I acknowledge that I may have made some mistakes in the past and may have burnt a bridge or two. I do not regret what I did, considering that at the time I did what I did I thought it was right. I’m sure there is some things I could have done and have things turn out different, but at the same time if I did all that, I wouldn’t be here now. What I have been focusing on now is that I know where I am now, and where the hell should I go in the future. I don’t know where I am heading, but all I know is that whatever I do or wherever I go, it is my decision. My biggest fear about all this-yeah I said fear-is that whatever I choose hurts those around me. I can accept whatever I do as far as myself, but I will feel horrible if it leads to affecting those around me and care for in a bad way.

I finally got my Iphone today. I am really enjoying it. So far it's a learning experience. The signal is impressive, and I find some of the calls is quite impressive. Still new to all of this but it's starting to be a good thing. Any hints, tips, etc. is greatly appreciated.

OK, this is going to be one of the “nice Pete” entries, rather than the “angry Pete” ones I tend to do. I was listening last to Ron and Fez last night, and they were replaying a bit they did about ticket prices and how it out-priced the average family out of a ballgame. The talk alter went into the first time fathers take their sons to a game, and how that is a big part of the relationship between the two. With all the thoughts going through my head, the thought of the first time my dad took me to my first soccer game. I would tell you the first Mets game, but that was for the long and short of it a boy scout day, and he got tanked due to being in the upper deck-where his fear of heights was present-and then pissed when he found out beer sales ended before the game.

Anyway, in 1996, my dad took me to my first Metrostars game. It was their fourth game in existence, against the Tampa Bay Mutiny. This was the game the team won their first game in history-a shootout
win after a 3-3 tie. This was also the game where Giovanni Savarese carried the team to the tie. The Metros were down 3-0 at halftime, but in the second half, Savarese manned up and scored two goals in fantastic fashion after Tampa scoring an own goal.

We sat in the mezzanine section (the blue seats at Giants Stadium). We were near the back of the section where the upper deck hung over and blocked a small part of the view of the field. If I recall it was section 235, but I can't be totally sure, it was near the goal close to the player tunnel , but we were still on the side of the field. I just remember the air leaving the crowd when Tampa scored the three goals, but as the second half went on, the energy picked up and the crowd was hot and getting into the game. When Savarese scored the famous bicycle kick that tied the game, the place exploded. Even my dad was getting into the game. This was the game that cemented my love for the club, and I have to thank my dad for that.

What really stood out about this night as well, was that my dad for the most part was working with one leg. At this time, my dad did really bad damage to his knee, and was at one point out of work for a while. I remember him having a lot of trouble getting around at this time, and I even told him if he didn't want to go to the game, it's cool. But he said we are going and we did. He had a hard time with the stairs, and he was in pain, but dammit he took me because it would make me happy. Last night it hit me how big of a deal it was for him to do that. All day today I was thinking about all this things he did for me, even though he HATED it. It did a job on me today, almost to the point of crying. I almost cried because it scared me how much of a man he was to do all that for me, and all the things he did for my mom and my sister as well, and I look at myself and I can't answer the question “Can I be that much of a man?”

I always say I am better than 90% of the people in this world, and the 10% I know I am not better than are the people like my dad, who can give so much for others. My grandfather also was the same way, where he'd always being food or snacks over the house, or when we go to his house, we'd leave with bags and bags of stuff. One other thing that still makes me feel so insignificant and like nothing as a man, was something my dad did for the last months my grandfather lived in his house-he went into a nursing home...at his request so he wasn't a huge burden on the family (another act that makes me feel like I can't compete). Every Sunday, my dad would cook all day and make a weeks worth of meals for my grandfather. My sister, mom, and I would help package everything and freeze them. I forgot exactly how long this went on, but I just remember it happening, and at the time I didn't think much of it, but just the past couple days this all came up. I realize that men like these two are better than me, and I could never get close to being at their level.

And now with such an uncertain future, which I am sure things will work out fine but it's still an uncertain time, I look at my dad and grandfather's legacy and wonder if I can step up and just get close to being and great as them.

And I will leave you with the clip of the famous bicycle kick that was done by the greatest Metro/Red Bull ever, Giovanni Savarese. I DEFY you to show me one player for this mess of a team that has had a greater impact on this team and is still talked about today.

First I wanted to thank those who have sent me some form of support and just the overall show of concern. It's nice, but it's all good where I sit. Technically I am still employed until the 14th, which is my termination day, so I am getting a couple more paychecks out of everything. I also wanted to thank those for the advice given to me, either were to look for work or just maybe help with the resume. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to start rewriting my resume, and when it is done, I”ll post an online version of it. Thanks again to all.

Someone suggested I should start writing a book they though I should write. They think I have a ton of advice on life in general and it would benefit people if I put them on paper as a book. I thought it could be a cool idea, but in reality my book would probably be a “dime-a-dozen” books like mine out there, and I wouldn't make a cent. Besides, who would really take advice from someone who is apparently socially retarded and has probably some sociopathic tendencies? At least that's what some out there think I am, but that's their opinion which in reality is coming from people who are bitter I chose not to keep them around me in the way they wanted. I wanted them around in ways that would mean they had to actually be their best, but they wanted to be lazy and just settle and/or want everything with multiple people for the same role. I don't settle, which probably has hurt me in some aspects, but my dad told me never to settle for something when you know you want more.

On a side note, I think I am slowly turning into the George Costanza character from “Seinfeld.” Seems I am getting a tad more neurotic, and I find myself catching episodes eerily finding a lot in common with the character. Also I looked at myself in the mirror and I seem to have the same shape as him. Maybe it's my mind slowly going away from me.

One good thing about all this free time is that I can get some ball-busting errands done easier. Today was a nice little trip to the DMV to get my license renewed. So I get there, and surprisingly it was relatively light today there, and it only took a quick 2 hours to get everything done. So after I paid my money and got my paperwork, I left. The DMV is in the area of College Point/Whitestone. I am familiar with the area, since I spent time there going to school there whatnot. I drove around the area, just for a trip down memory lane, and something that I knew about the area was reaffirmed. If you live outside the NYC area, and want the “West Virginia experience”, where you see what the result of rampant inbreeding and racism is, drive around College Point.

It really is the utopia that White supremacist yearn for. First off, it's a really tight-knit group where they all know each other and their business, which leads to the inbreeding when they do not allow outsiders in. Actually the only time they allow outsiders into the fold is when they deem the person suitable to add their qualities into the gene-puddle (hence why I don't date anyone from the area anymore-didn't pan out, and read on to see another big problem they had with me). They are also the “White Utopia” the supremacists babble about in that the community is mostly Protestant and they either have driven, or are driving all the Catholics out of the area. They really look down on the Catholics, and I am not sure of their views of Jews, since I never really saw them around (the Jews usually stayed in Bayside). Also the arrogance that they are somehow better, and ironically, more evolved than the people around them is comical to say the least.

It's almost as the town in “South Park” came alive and landed in a swamp not far from LaGuardia Airport. Speaking of swampland, the major shopping area they built up there came about after years of failed attempts to build on that site, where they would build on the plot, but the structure would sink into the swampland. Apparently, they screwed up enough times and sunk enough iron structures into the ground that it made a strong enough base to build upon, and they now have their shopping area.

As a kid I always thought they was a weird vibe in the area, and how excluded I was by a lot of the kids in the area. Just walking around there I really felt out of place and “the outsider”. Thank God I have little to no business to tend to in that area anymore, it just skeeved me out there. Honestly, if there weren't city laws preventing it, there would be stripped down cars on blocks on front lawns, and

So if you want to go somewhere and point at laugh to the closest thing this city has to Hayseeds, go to College Point. Don't point and laugh too much, they do tend to chase you in mobs with pitchforks and torches.

So I had some time to digest the whole losing job deal. So far it hasn't totally hit me, but it has affected me a little. People seem to be a little shocked that I am not sitting here balling like a little girl. Like I said, this isn't a total shock to me, just a lot sooner than I thought it would happen. The only thing that has me a little upset is the question I've been asked a lot “what are you going to do now?” I'll tell you what I am going to do now. this week I'm going to get a lot of things done that I have had on the back burner for a while now-mostly because I had no time to get things done due to having a job. At some point this week I”m going to clean up and update my resume (which a copy of my current one is linked here-take a look at it and if you want me around at your job, hit me up I guess). After that I'm start the job search. One other thing that has had me bothered is that I ordered my new phone due to the fact I couldn't wait around an Apple store to get one in the morning. Had I know all this was going to happen I wouldn't have ordered it and went to the Apple store early tomorrow morning.

I know I am in my “single and staying that way” state now, but I did find myself wishing I had someone to help me through all this. And before certain people starts calling me to bitch at me, hanging out with family is different than what I am talking about. I know some who still read this probably have smiles on their faces reading what is happening, or at least deep down said to themselves “good he deserves this”, remember I'll always be better than you, and that you may think I did something wrong, but it wasn't me being the dishonest, cowardly pig. Also remember I'm not the one wanting you back, if i wanted you back I would have you back.

Speaking of relationships and stuff-I apparently am socially retarded, emotional nightmare, impossible to deal with in a romantic matter, etc (according to many who have experienced me and still read this in a stalkerish way). Why the hell do people still want my opinion on emotional matters?!?!?! Seriously, most who ask me for advice have seen what has happened in my life, yet want to know what I think or what I would do in their situation. I keep telling people that whatever advice given is totally my opinion, and if you act or use it in your situation and things go to hell, don't blame me or hold it against me.

Ok that's it, I'm tired of trying to write something that would entertain you. I have other things on my mind, and Sundays were sad enough for me without the events last Friday.

I knew this could happen, just thought it would happen later this year or next year. This morning I got the news I was being let go by my company. Got called into a meeting with my bosses, felt the tone of the meeting wasn't good, and it wasn't. So we went through the motions and stuff about my severance package and whatnot. I gave my stuff in, and was escorted out of the building. That was that.

I don't know how I feel. I don't feel sad totally since it was sort of expected given the climate of the job and all. I”m not mad or anything about he whole thing. I just feel numb right now. I”m sure it will hit me Sunday night or monday. I was going nuts today in the house, since I didnt' know what to do with this sudden free time, but I haven't freaked out or anything about the job loss.

What do I do now? I have money coming in for at least this month, then go on unemployment. I am not sure what else to do right now, I may take next week to just rest-haven't had time to for a while. Ina few days I'll look over my resume and stuff, but right now I want to clear my head and also just not focus on this for a few days.

I know I said I took a break form women for a bit, but this is one of the few times I wish I had someone. Not just for the pity bang or pity head, but just someone to be here. I talked to my cousin on the phone about all this, but it's not the same as it would be with someone special outside of family.